I have read this story again, in fits and starts because it makes me want to throw my ipad across the room, but then I have to read some more becuase it so well written that it draws me back and won't let me go. This Matthew is so possessed by guilt that he can't get on with life. What a mess indeed. A little guilt is good (keeps us minding right from wrong) but where there is only guilt, there is paralysis of life. The end of this story was soooo frustrating because i felt that two people who were that devoted to each other would find a way to be together, whatever it took. I want Mary and Matthew to be stronger, or maybe just more selfish. Mary seems to find solace and strenght from this one episode of intimacy, but Matthew seems to only find more reason for guilt and sorrow. (I wonder if Mary would have thought of that.)

And Isobel just sits there with her "I told you so".

I'm so glad you ended it where you did. I know some people will (maybe) say you ruined the story - but I like the what ifs. Great job!

*sobs*

So heartbreaking! Although I've not reviewed before I've been reading this fic since you first started posting it and with each chapter it became more clear to me that my initial hopes for a fluffy happy ending were probably misplaced. Coming to the end of it it, although it's desperately sad and pained me a great deal, I have to admit that I am glad that it ended the way it did. It feels more true to their characters, to their situation in life and to the period. It's a perfect ending, really, albeit not one that makes me feel very chipper. Thanks for posting this. :-)

Heartbreaking and beautiful - a very realistic portrayal of how it could have been. (But I'm so glad that's not how it is in canon!)The little interaction between Matthew and Isobel was just right. Thanks as always for a great read.

I think this is the perfect ending, it's where the story comes full circle; many things can happen afterwards, but THIS is the story you were telling and their future (if they have one) is better left to mystery in this case. Because Matthew and Mary themselves don't think they have a future. Of course it's the end, how could it not be?

I think this is the most graphic and detailed sex scene you've ever written. And it makes sense that it's for THIS particular fanfiction. They're leaving nothing to the imagination because they can't afford to. They have to take notice of every detail because that's all they're going to have. It was desperation more than love, it was a goodbye more than an acquaintance, and it was heartbreaking.

I loved that Mary guided him through it - but that at the same time it was a new experience for her as well because it was Matthew and there was love. I also assume this was her first orgasm (sigh) and that she realized there were things that would only be theirs, forever, no matter how many more times she's going to have intercourse with her husband.

I also hadn't realized it but...divorce was not so easy to obtain at the time, and surely not for a woman. Even less for a woman such as Mary, married to a smart and evil genius. Carlisle would've made their lives a hell. :(

Oooh. Brilliant to have Isobel witness it all, in a way, and, for once, Matthew telling her to just...let him be. Poor babies.

I think I've already told you that, but what really gets me about this fanfiction is that...it could've been our reality so easily. It was going to happen. It makes me even more grateful for the Christmas Special. AAAAAAAAAAAAAW.

Terrific story, so well written and interesting concept-as if there never had been a Christmas Special or proposal. The end was bittersweet, but a provocative take on the close of the M/M storyline. **sigh**

Unhappy endings don't really bother me, and I kind of like having things shaken up a bit from time to time, so your non-HEA is fine with me. I'm somewhat sad to see the story come to an end though, and will be looking forward to your next one. Thanks!

Beautifully written. You are very gifted. And I applaud your effort in telling this story to the heartbreaking end.

But oh so wanted a different ending. It is the 1920's now, I think (wish) they could have found a way out. As you say, it doesn't really need to be the end of the story, just maybe the end of the chapter. I wouldn't want Mary to be pregnant, I find that to be too convenient way to complicate situations.

Oh the sadness! I can hardly bear it. I don't believe for a second that JF ever toyed with the idea that M/M would end this way. Of course your storytelling serves to underscore that because were could Downton go if this were the end of Matthew/Mary? Never works in that format for television. Think Derek/Meredith or Ross/Rachel. The show does deal with some heavy matters, but its more Jane Austen than Emily Bronte in its endings to story lines, so no I don't think they would ever end there.

I liked your contolling, jealous Sir Richard. But I think he is a far more practical man and wouldn't in the end entangle himself long term with a woman who didn't love him. I think he would find that distracting and too emotionally conflicting with his interest in selling newspapers. He might take a trophy wife in a marriage of convenience, but he would tire of a wife so completely miserable because she longed to be with another. He would maybe initiate divorce as a way to disentangle himself from a hopeless and distracting situation. When he threatens Mary in canon after Lavinia comes back, he is driven by his desire to close the deal, not because he is really jealous of Mary's love for Matthew. He wants the trophy wife, he wants her to focus on the business they agreed to and attempts to remove her distraction while pressing his advantage.

Anyway, arguing against the plausibility of your story's outcome... which I realize is very silly... Did I say I wanted a different ending?

This is so real! :( I know that sounds so silly to say, but it really is just SO real. It's exactly what would've happened had the CS not turned out like we wanted, perfectly written and characterized and that is why it ACHES so much. :( Matthew is phenomenal as always, but Mary absolutely breaks my heart here, because she KNOWS. In every touch and kiss and what it means, and what it's never meant and you convey that just PERFECTLY. Rarely can something be so incredibly HOT and yet so incredibly SAD at once, but that's your skill - to combine the two. OMG and the systematic dismantling of any hope of happiness is just wrenching. Because it's TRUE! And bringing back those heartbreaking lines as their parting words to each other...SIGH. I'm so grateful JF didn't choose this path, but I read this fic, and I'm back in late November again. :( You made it hurt, only because you made it so real. Congratulations. :D Keep writing! :)

This was really really well done! I wanted to not like this story because I just knew it wouldn't end happily, but I can't not like it. It is perfectly in character and so well written. I think that's why it makes me so sad...how real it seems! I appreciate you exploring a topic that hasn't been done too much here - the story where Mary & Matthew don't somehow find their way to each other. I think I'll have to re-watch the Christmas special again to remind myself that they DO get the happy ending after all. I can't wait to read whatever stirs you come up with next. Thanks for sharing this one!

I liked it. I don't think it would have fitted the rest of the story for them to get a happy ending. Obviously, all sorts of speculations can be made as to what will happen, but ultimately, we'd know that Mary would be miserable regardless, clinging to that moment with Matthew when she needed to, and Richard would know, of course he would, and it would be punishment enough for her knowing that she didn't love him, and could never be with the man she truly loved. And for Richard, that would be enough...knowing that he'd won.

Love that Isobel was there. Although slightly awkward! I can imagine that it would never be mentioned again though. And of course he stomps off to his bedroom like a petulant child. He defintely acts more like a teenager than a man when he's upset IMO...perhaps indicating his age when his father died...no outlet for those feelings at the time, so when he feels them again, he just regresses to that time...I don't know.

Oh, and darling adorable innocent Matthew not *understanding* what had happened when he did *that* to Mary! But then Mary too...she's (clearly) never experienced that level of pleasure, or had that sort of response, so how would she know? GAH. I can imagine that Richard is all about meeting his own needs and would not take the time to...explore, as it were. Going back to le sex...it was so desperate and beautiful, and wonderfully, perfectly hot. But also so heartbreaking...it's their only time. And I also honestly welled up at the bit when she was doing *that* to him: "Never before, and never again" and "This was only for him, and only for her"...GAH...so much sadness about that alone, because obviously Matthew and Mary would be good lovers to each other; it's all about exploring and wanting to give pleasure to the other person, because that in turn would create more pleasure and enjoyment... And it's SO SAD knowing what they'll be deprived of, and what they could have been experiencing all along had things worked out. *Feels and ugly sobbing*

It's Matthew's first and last time (I think he would definitely resign himself to being a bachelor after this. If he can't have Mary, he wouldn't want anyone else), and it's the only time that Mary has truly enjoyed the act. Part of me hopes that she doesn't become pregnant by Matthew though, because I think that would somehow taint what they shared because she would have to raise another man's child, and Richard would not make that a happy or easy life for the child.

Yes, so an absolutely wonderfully, utterly, heartbreakingly perfect (use ALL the adjectives!) ending. You have absolutely nothing to worry about with this!

As always, amazing work my dear. :)

(Sorry for yet more waffle but I know it entertains you :P!)

BRUTAL - in the best way possible. Unbelievably sad, passionate, meaningful.. and absolutely where I thought Fellowes was going with this. (outside of the smut - thank goodness he didn't)

LOVED THIS SENTENCE...

"...never before had it seemed so breathlessly perfect, something she welcomed and relished and enjoyed, as when she saw that lust, no, adoration burn brightly in Matthew's glittering eyes."

Sigh. LUST. :D I'm glad you ended it like this - it's a nightmarish kind of what-if with the only ending possible... Matthew realizing just how cursed he really is... HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS? Well done!

So in the past few days I've read almost every story that you have posted, and I can't get enough! I haven't reviewed until now because the majority have already been completed and I always feel weird about giving feedback on something that's been finished. Any how, you and your stories are just magnificent! I started with ATiL and found the rest from there. You may be the only reason I make it through this dreadful hiatus between 2 and 3. I started this story this morning, and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it is still in progress, and that I could finally leave a review! There isn't much else I can say, since it seems that you have already achieved perfection, so I'll just say that you have a devout fan in me, and I can't wait to read more :-)

This is fast turning into one of my favourite downton stories! Your Carlisle is really, really well written- as villainous as ever, but clever and manipulative, and though he doesn't realise it, his weaknesses (need for power, possession, acceptance) are coming through.

And then there's Matthew and Mary and their ever-loving angst! I do enjoy a good dose of angst and torment between lovers and you're right on track with these two. And now they are going to have to face a new 'great matter'- how to extract Mary from that awful marriage...

I'm pretty bad at reading stories update by update because I just lose track of the plot, but I will make a special effort to keep up with this. Will be waiting with baited breath for the next installment!

Sheesh, the testosterone was out of control here! And Carlisle, behaving like a dog marking its territory... great characterisation in this chapter. Awesome!