|Reviews for The Keepsake|
| Renee Aubin chapter 12 . 11/18/2016
I enjoyed how you used the countdown of Bella’s seconds of stunned silence following Edward’s revelation.
‘Bella was still staring. Still silent. Edward swallowed hard and wondered if he had just blown everything. The silence between them was only four seconds long, but each second felt like a lifetime. A vampire lifetime.’
A definite improvement over canon:
‘They shouldn't be having the sex talk so soon. So soon? He'd never thought they'd have it at all. He never thought he'd have this evening.’
Welcome to human life, Edward:
‘The whole evening had just happened, it had evolved like some living, dynamic thing, like the universe had plans it hadn't told him about and was taking him in directions he could never have anticipated.’
Nicely said: ‘His eyes darted between hers, searching for clues and coming up empty.’
Oh, I forgot that she ran across incubus stories when doing her initial internet research!
"Gruesome stories with deadly results" indeed.
Clever twist on how they came to learn of Joham, looking for information on vampire abilities and gifts, specifically Edward’s unprecedented losses.
Poor guy, he’s really without a clue for this critical conversation:
‘…it was a thoughtful face, not a frightened one, he decided. That was a good sign.’
‘"I'm on the pill," she whispered to the light fitting above them. "Would that be enough?"
Whatever he'd thought she might say, it wasn't that.’
Some definite maturity on his part, re whether Bella had gone on the pill for another partner:
‘Edward felt his dead heart turn to ash. … It was none of his business, he knew that. And whatever had happened before didn't matter, she was with him now.’
Loved this observation about her lullaby:
"But perhaps without the sadness at the end. … Like the light would eventually return to dark."
So important that she knows this, about not being ready for sex tonight:
"It's not that I don't want to. I do."
A wonderful job giving us a window into what he thought about all night while Bella slept, after this momentous evening.
Interesting: ‘He wondered what he'd seen when he looked at her back then. It couldn't have been what he saw now - her strength, her courage, her confidence.’
Wow – startling:
‘What sort of asshole had he been?
A lucky one, as it turned out, because she still wanted him, despite everything he'd done. And not done.
In some ways he hoped he would never regain his memory.’
Going through this a second time, it was charming that these plans eventually didn’t matter:
‘Not here in her small apartment with cracks in the ceiling. He needed to plan. He would make it special. And he would make sure it was somewhere warm.’
Smile: ‘And he wanted to take his time, not rush like the adolescent he was.’
Hmm, a shout-out to another author? ‘She was in a blue bathrobe…’ (Actually I’ve never read “Tropic of Virgo”)
Aww: ‘With her mussed up hair and sleepy smile she was beyond adorable.’
Wow he sure overreacted to her uncertainty over where he’d gone when she woke up – I’m glad to see he’s still sensitive to the fallout of his earlier desertion.
Nice: ‘Her trust meant as much to him as her love.’
"What are you doing?" she breathed.
"I'm letting nature take its course."
Delightful foreplay: ‘He rolled her on top of him and she kissed over his chest and his hips moved subtly, rolling gently beneath her, in time with his fingers down her spine. He was caught in the delicate rhythm they'd created, their hips, her kisses, his fingers...so slow, so exquisite.’
Another excellent description: ‘His body shivered with equal parts desire and restraint…’
I don’t often quote back descriptions of sex scenes but this was just sooo good:
‘He was the string to Bella's bow and as she played him his body sang. His love was in every move, every thrust, taking the love she gave to him and giving it back, giving more, wanting more...and more...and more...and more...until Bella cried out and then he could bear no more...his world exploded and his body broke and his heart was consumed.’
Terrific: ‘He wanted to tell her what he felt, but he couldn't, there were no words, in any language.’
‘He wanted to ask if she was alright, but right now, in this moment, as he tilted her chin and saw the joy in her eyes he knew the question was unnecessary.’
Yummm: ‘Then he kissed her very slowly for a very long time.’
| Bakergrama chapter 20 . 11/12/2016
Absolutely love this story...this is one I will and have read over and over...thank you!
| Renee Aubin chapter 11 . 11/7/2016
This moment is amazing – wondering why she panicked when someone knocked on her door at the same time Edward got a phone call.
‘"Bella, what happened before?" he asks softly.
He comes towards me, crouching down by the sofa, meeting me at eye level. He hesitates then rests his hands gently on my knees.’
Good for her for being honest:
"Times when Alice would call and you'd just tell me it was nothing to worry about and then you'd suddenly change our plans. And I never knew why, but I just knew it was bad."
That was sooo frustrating in canon. And annoying.
‘"But I would have made you more vulnerable by keeping the truth from you," he whispers and gently kisses my palm.’
Definitely a eureka moment. Also have I mentioned how much I love soft-spoken, whispery Edward?
Nice exchange setting both of their anxieties to rest, about both Jacob and Kate.
‘There was a time when being changed was all I wanted, I thought it was the answer to everything - but … I realise that for now this is all I need.’
The stridency of her demands to be changed in canon was as annoying as Edward always knowing best.
‘The whole scenario reminds me of Port Angeles and that night in the Bella Italia restaurant.’
That was such a lovely evening (well, after the whole nearly-gang-raped interlude). It’s a shame he’s lost that.
‘"You could win gold medals for brooding, Edward."
My words are a risk but the risk pays off. After a momentary look of surprise Edward throws back his head and laughs. And it's beautiful.’
What an interesting speech about how losing his gift has changed his interactions with humans.
"…my instincts tell me this, you and me, is right." …
"So, do you think your instincts didn't tell you that before? About me? Us?"
He frowns. "I think I probably didn't know how to listen."
Oh, damn, he doesn’t remember her lullaby! And apparently in this timeline she has never found the hidden CD, so she can’t even play it for him.
Wow, what an intense (and exhausting) conversation:
‘On Sunday in the clearing, when the world was falling down around both of us, I told him everything [about their history] ... but I kept to the facts, I hadn't gone into any depth of detail.
Edward wants that detail now. Not just the facts, but how I felt, what I thought, what led me to make this decision or that one.’
I’m glad he figured out what a pain he’d been about going to “prom”. It’s good how she’s honest with him but kind. Actually I was sorry they left this moment out of the movie:
"And you thought being changed was a black-tie occasion?"
Throughout this conversation he’s really seeing how controlling he had been, how dismissive of her thoughts and feelings.
Excellent, her reaction when she understands he has changed his mind about his soul:
‘"But all that angst…and the …the angst…and the drama…we could have avoided…are you…? Seriously? Are you…when? How?" In my shock the words almost sound like accusations and Edward's eyes widen as he blinks at me.’
‘Edward's eyes flash. "I would never treat you like an idiot!" The hiss and anger in his voice pulls me up. …he glares at me across the table.’
Re the Volvo theft:
"The anger I felt was frightening, but the humiliation was crippling. I didn't handle it very well."
He had barely begun to adjust to the loss of his gift, and what a slap in the face.
God bless Esme for the way she handled Edward’s meltdown. I don’t often appreciate her character, but this was perfect. And if Esme wasn’t a monster, maybe he wasn’t either. A clever way to get him to that conclusion after all these years.
Charming, after Bella’s impulsive leap into his lap following the “soul” conversation:
"Um, I'm not usually one for such outrageous public displays," I mumble.
Edward's eyes twinkle. "Pity," he says. "I rather liked your outrageous public display."
"It seems I wasn't a very good boyfriend to you when we were back in Forks."
The simplicity of his statement hits me. I'm about to disagree with him but I also realise there is some truth in what he has just said.
"… And I wasn't exactly perfect. I wasn't very good at listening, either."
That’s for damned sure.
Great idea – when he says he regrets not being the one to tell her the truth about himself,
"Tell me now," I say quickly. "Tell me what you were going to say."
And didn’t that lead to some lovely moments!
Thank you for this image: ‘…he is wearing just his jeans and a plain white t-shirt. His hair is more tousled, no doubt from dragging his sweater over it, and he looks so beautiful in the soft light...’
Wonderful: ‘Edward has come into my bed before, but never [quite?] like this. There is something different - a quiet surrender, his own silent acceptance of his feelings; there is no guilt here, no doubts, no fear.’
Umm, also no Charlie in the next room.
Very well done conversation about her single bed in Forks, leading to
"Bella, were we intimate?"
I may have gasped out loud.
I’m glad he confirms this: "If your scent affected me as you've described, then yes, it would have been very dangerous."
And yet he realizes
‘"So I would have been prepared to let you live your life without sex." … I hear him mutter something under his breath. It sounds like selfish bastard.’
Well said: "It feels like we've gone from zero to sixty when we should just be getting out of first gear."
And yet we get this momentous announcement:
‘"I want to be with you," he whispers.’
Happy dance! Talk about whiplash – after all this remarkable progress, we skid to a halt due to birth control. Well thank the goddess for that too. I’ll be curious to see just how he found this out!
| hot4edward chapter 19 . 11/6/2016
Sorry I messed up on the name of the other story, it's " Eight Days." I posted a review for the whole story after the last chapter but made a mistake. Had to post the correction here as you're not allowed more than 1review per chapter...
| hot4edward chapter 20 . 11/6/2016
Thank you for a lovely story! I've been following your stories for awhile now. I have to admit that when Edward bit into his own arm, I crossed over into one of your other stories, "Being Human," and panicked, worried he'd turn human. But then I remembered the circumstances were different, and felt foolish for getting the storylines mixed up. I like Portland Edward better than Forks Edward, too. It's great that he was able to mature and grow. Was it truly coincidence that they were going to the same school, or did his family know where Bella was - and encourage Edward to choose that same school in the hopes they'd run into each other? Anyway, great story!
| robela chapter 20 . 11/3/2016
thank you again for this amazing story!
| srta. perseides chapter 20 . 11/1/2016
lei la traducción de este fic, pero no esta completo aún así que corri a leer el fic orginal y todo lo que implica, la traducción de google no es muy buena pero al menos pude disfrutar de la mayoria de la narrativa. muchas gracias, me corrieron lagrimas por ahi.
esperare con ansias que la niña termine de traducir para volver a leerlo. excelente historia.
| Renee Aubin chapter 10 . 10/31/2016
Well, Windchymes, after drafting my review I realized that (a) I quoted half the chapter back to you, and (b) I went way over my limit of 1000 words. I’ve edited but I can’t stand to cut any more, so sorry for the length…
It’s sweet that he’s so encouraged by her impulsive hug.
‘Edward moves his arms, releasing me so he can open his coat and wrap me up inside, bringing me out of the cold.’
I guess even though it’s a choice between two kinds of cold, she’s at least protected from cold breezes, and more importantly, the emotional warmth makes up for everything!
‘He laughs softly, a deep chuckle of wonder and contentment that I can feel rumbling in his chest. "I really, really didn't expect this." His arms squeeze me very gently and I squeeze him back, as tight as I can.’
A nice line: "I wish things were as simple as holding you, but they're not."
Oh boy, of course she goes there:
"The talk...it's not a goodbye talk is it?”
Wow: “All the decisions are yours, Bella.”
Who are you and what have you done with Edward Cullen?
Outside the party, he offers to wait while she goes in. But ‘now he's here, I'm not letting him go.’
Oh hell no.
Interesting that Edward’s tension in the crowd turns out to be not the thing we always expect – intercepting some disturbing or annoying thought – but his inability to “read” people’s expressions because of the masks and costumes. So true:
‘…this gives me a glimpse into his life since he lost his gift…and my heart burns for him.’
And yet, Edward still observes enough to ride in on his white horse when ghost-guy grabs Bella’s wrist to insist that she dance with him.
Giggle: “the polycotton spectre”
Hah! Edward’s costume was obviously Angel from the Buffyverse. Only better looking.
Simple yet delicious: ‘He lifts our hands and his eyes travel to mine as he lowers his face over my knuckles. His intention is clear and my heart skips and I smile as his perfect lips just barely brush my skin.’
Oh my gosh, right afterwards: ‘I find myself wondering if he'll stay with me all night, like he used to.’ Does she think she’s ready for that?
Interesting discussion about her forgiveness for his leaving in Forks. I have to wonder if she really is “okay” with it. Or is it a “time served” kind of thing because he has clearly suffered so much since then?
“…my family never intended to hurt me. But I did intend to hurt you. I must have known what my lies would do to you."
Well, except his intention was ultimately not to hurt her. Presumably his family knows that, because of the (unseen by us) argument when he bullied them into leaving Forks.
Oh good for her, when he’s clearly caught in a downward spiral:
Edward looks up, almost startled, when I snap at him…’
After she tells him that his simple new-birthday gifts were important to her,
"You wore the ribbon," he says softly and my irritation fades.
"Yes," I smile.
"That meant a lot to me."
Fun idea about the paper airplane as the Halloween treat.
Wow, this is so simple and direct:
"I like listening to you laugh," he says. "Seeing you smile. Your happiness is everything to me."
He’s really “all in”, isn’t he? And brave enough to let her see that.
"Then it wasn't just my scent that drew you to me before? Or my silent mind?"
By “before” she means back in Forks? Then it’s quite a leap of faith for him to firmly answer “no” to her question, rather than hedging with an “I don’t know”, which would be perfectly understandable.
‘He gives me a soft, shy smile. "Right now I just want to hold you. But I know we still need to talk."
"Maybe we can do both?" I suggest hopefully.’
‘I think over the last three days...
"I thought I'd lost you again," I whisper and the burn pricks at the backs of my eyes. "You were so angry."
"I'm sorry. I'm so, sorry.”
Stunning, when she gives the bookmark back:
"I didn't know it was yours, but I knew it was important." He takes a deep, slow breath. "I found this in the pocket of the shirt I wore when we fought Victoria's army of newborns." He speaks slowly, his voice low and deep, weighing his words. "… I knew it must have been important though, because I had taken it into battle with me."
‘His words hit me like a wrecking ball…’
Yes. Me too. So she finally gets to cry with him.
‘"You al...almost died," I stutter. And it would have been for me...he would have died for me.’
And "I can't watch you walk away again."
Excellent: ‘He rocks me softly and it's so comforting as I cling to him, feeling him, hard and real against me...’
“My existence is a strange sort of half-life and I act it out on the fringe of humanity without ever being truly a part of it." He gives me a sad, apologetic smile. "I'm not much of a catch."
Hmm, a nice way to think about it:
"And your life wouldn't have to be as limited as mine. I would give you the space you need to be human."
Swoonworthy: "Then the decision is yours," he whispers. "I'm yours if you'll have me."
Sigh: ‘Edward laughs, it's a rich, joyful sound that comes from deep inside him and he falls back on the sofa, pulling me with him.’
“It's as though my mind doesn't remember, but the rest of me does.”
"You said on Sunday that we had kissed. … Is that something we did a lot?"
‘He listens to my heart.
Tenderly, I wrap my arms around him as I remember the first time he ever did this. It was in the meadow… - but now his body holds none of the raw tension from that day.’
Wow, that was a freakin’ masterful first kiss!
Fabulous: ‘This isn't like other times he kissed me. This kiss is not tempered by fear or restraint – there's only joy in this kiss and in the way he holds me. Joy and desire and love.’
He’s making the most of his do-over, isn’t he?
"Was it always that good?"
"It was always good, but that was...spectacular."
He's smug now. "Spectacular."
Yes, it was a surprise that he went to Forks – including even her bedroom - looking for something to trigger his memory. All right, and what did he see that he’s curious about?
| AnAvidReader123 chapter 16 . 10/28/2016
| Renee Aubin chapter 9 . 10/26/2016
A perfect way for Edward to process all that has happened – pushing his car within an inch of its life over and over. That rhythm of ‘...clutch, shift, gas’ was excellent.
Oh dear, working his way through instance after instance where he had confided in a family member about Bella, plus Bella herself, and each one explodes as anger and betrayal, as well as a sense of shame? embarrassment? at being the only one out of the loop.
‘He felt so foolish now. He felt like the brunt of a cruel joke.
He'd thought his feelings were his, just his, but they belonged to everyone.’
Some favorite lines:
‘The most important person in his world, and his family would have let him base their relationship on a lie.’
‘It had been like listening to a story about someone he didn't know. Some cruel bastard who tore out Bella's heart and shredded it in front of her eyes. …
He wasn't the man he'd thought he was.’
‘She'd talked about a summer they'd shared. …
The future he'd hoped for was already part of his past.’
‘…he'd grieved for what he'd lost.
Not just the memories, but the chance to tell her gently who he was.
The chance to open up to her, to offer her something he'd never offered before...
Great reconstruction of backstory:
‘He remembered how it had been after Victoria was dead. He'd opened his eyes to his family's anxious faces and silent minds. He'd grabbed at Carlisle, frantically...
"Why can't I hear you?" he had yelled. "Why can't I hear you?"’
‘The lost memories didn't bother him - Forks was not even a blip on his radar.
He'd thought it was his missing gift that had him so distraught…’
‘The golden, gifted first-born son was gifted no more.
They could lie to him now.
They had lied to him.’
I was shocked when Edward went after Jasper! Interesting, because he’s not unleashing his original reaction from two years ago – he doesn’t have access to that – but his reaction to Bella’s tale tonight.
‘"Is there anything else I should know?" he asked and Carlisle winced at the bitterness in his son's voice.’
Then Bella – this is an interesting point:
‘…tonight wasn't about him being a vampire and me being human; it was about the lie.’
So maybe they're not doomed to repeat the same old dance.
That was a nice touch having Alice and Carlisle come check on Bella, looking the worse for wear. I’m glad Carlisle took responsibility for his part in tonight’s disaster.
Smile, it’s not like Alice to admit defeat in the clothing arena:
"Actually, you really don't have a lot for me to work with here, Bella."
Funny line about Edward not catching Alice’s scent at Bella’s apartment: "I'm not a wet dog, Bella."
You have such a gift for finding the little detail that makes an image of Edward come alive:
‘The coat swings rhythmically as he walks, flaring in and out a little at the bottom it sways in time with his steps.’
I can just see it!
Whew! "I'm sorry," he whispers. "And...I understand."
‘Without words, without any thought, but acting purely on instinct, I step forward and throw my arms around him. …
I hold him as I wanted to in that clearing when he was falling apart in front of my eyes.’
That was quite a journey in this chapter!
| Ayina11 chapter 6 . 10/26/2016
I cried while reading about the birthday surpise Edward gave to Bella. It's so sweet
| QueenGB chapter 20 . 10/22/2016
What can I say? The 2 years you gave up for and to this story were so worth it in my book. This was amazing the whole way through. Thank you, thank you!
| QueenGB chapter 18 . 10/22/2016
Phew! That was a lot and impactful and I am so glad the chappy ended the way it did.i was really worried about Bella for a hike there. I Jadore Portland Edward! ;-)
| QueenGB chapter 17 . 10/22/2016
Edward handled that so well and now our Bella will have to face the vampiric music. Lies and protect the secret above all else my dear.
| QueenGB chapter 16 . 10/22/2016
I mean no offense and this is a complete compliment believe me but have you ever read the Angel Series by drotuno? Her Edward is all about redemption and love and foregiviness by showing he's changed living that change for Bella. Your Edward gives me the feel goods like that Edward. It think she is genius like Edwards Eternal and you my dear are in good company. This is my compliment. ;-D JS