|Reviews for The Keepsake|
| Renee Aubin chapter 4 . 9/17/2016
Nicely said: ‘He's sitting at the desk where Alex and I usually work and I feel like the world has disappeared and there's only me, and Edward, and the five or six yards that lies between us.’
Starting a conversation, ‘Miraculously, I sound much more casual than I feel…’ Smile.
Oh, ouch! ‘I wonder what he's made of it in the past when he's no doubt heard [her heart] shatter and break. What does it sound like then?’
Probably exactly what he's wanting to forget.
A little break in her tension, thank goodness: ‘…his expression is clear and open now when I look up and it occurs to me that maybe he's trying to make conversation too. The thought is very welcome.’
Poor Ellie. Hmm, would he have acted on his impulse to ask Bella to be his “victim” if Ellie hadn’t been there pushing?
This is nerve-wracking! ‘…I watch the movement of his throat as he swallows hard. Venom pooling, perhaps. Or maybe just nerves. I wonder which it is. And why.’
How is she going to come up with enough patience to keep doing this?
Awesome line: ‘My heart is running around in my chest, looking for something to high-five.’
Good for her, when Edward’s about to arrive at her apartment: ‘I've deliberately not contacted Alice. I want to do this on my own...I want to let nature take its course, wherever it might lead me.’
Aww: ‘…I want to sweep my hand over [the rain drops in his hair], wiping them away like I would have done once before, but can't now.’
This was tough: ‘…he settles himself instead into the rocking chair and I'm taken back to my bedroom in Forks, and waking up that first morning after the meadow and seeing him sitting there.’
Oh my gosh, his human memory of the snow globe he had as a kid! I wonder if that memory shook loose as part of the damage.
A good detail: ‘"Are you ready?" he asks. It's a sharp change of direction and makes me remember what it is like to keep up with him.’
It seems promising that he’s curious about her mother … reminds me of the early “20 questions” days.
A definite smile: ‘I don't mention that his curiosity has made me all sorts of happy.’
Good catch not mentioning Charlie by name. It's interesting that he would have not have developed much of a memory of Jacob before he left.
Oh! Her response to “birthday” is just perfect, and kind of made my stomach drop. But how to control the inevitable emotional response?
‘I just can't help it...having him here, the memory of my birthday, what happened to him afterwards, and to me...I feel the tears burning and I know he can smell them…’
How confusing to have him apologizing now for upsetting her, with no connection to the really awful thing he did then…
Smart girl: ‘The disastrous birthday was more than two years ago, it's holding me back and I have to let it go. If I'm going to have a future with Edward, or any future at all, I have to let it go.’
Even if my mind worked quickly and clearly enough to understand that … how to respond now?
Arrrggh: ‘"What word was it?" I want to know, but he shakes his head. A small ripple of frustration runs through me. He always did this, treated me like he knew best.’
Impressive that she presses him to let her make her own decision about whether she’s OK to continue. Quite a turning point: ‘I keep my voice low and steady and calm and I realise it's very different from the almost frantic, desperate tone I would use when I knew him before…’
Astonishing that he thinks to cheer her up after unintentionally upsetting her by telling her a joke! Very human. Maybe this is something he learned from watching Emmett?
Sniffle: "That's better," he says softly, "I like to see you smile. And laugh."
Oh my: ‘When I look up again he's staring at me with a new intensity that makes my blood sing and my heart soar and our eyes lock for a second before he looks away, almost as though it's too much.’
Ha ha: ‘A knock knock joke? Edward? Really?’
And actually I love that joke!
How sweet, and what a relief: ‘…the two of us are giggling so much we can hardly speak.’
‘"Goodnight." But in the hallway he stops and turns. "You're in the library every Tuesday?"
My heart does a little leap.’
What a great idea for how to move things forward a step.
| Renee Aubin chapter 3 . 9/12/2016
So vivid and affecting:
‘I swallow and lift my gaze and stare straight into the most beautiful eyes I will ever see.
Brilliant, golden eyes that are polite, almost indifferent, and don't remember me.’
This story is certainly a constant meditation on how tenuous the beginnings of things are:
‘I wonder briefly if this moment will be the start of something new, or the end of everything.’
It’s really a sharp point when we’re anticipating the beginning of this couple that we love so much.
You do such a good job with Bella’s struggle to get past all of her memories enough to focus on the new, present situation. And to avoid taking a death grip on every single encounter as if it might be her only chance. This was a lighter take on the idea that made me smile:
‘If I pursue it any further I'm going to look creepy and desperate, or like Jessica Stanley - not a good start.’
In all your stories I enjoy your pencil sketches of Edward’s appearance. You bring him to mind so clearly. After one of those moments, Bella thinks ‘It could be yesterday that he was holding my hand as we walked through the corridors of Forks High, whispering in my ear that he loved me.’ Ouch. How much can a girl be expected to take?
Isn’t it amazing that we all manage to do things like this? ‘I spend the rest of the day going from class to class, talking to people, smiling, acting like a normal person, but in my mind I go over the library conversation again and again and again.’
Aww: ‘…the night he lay with his shirt open and I traced my name over his heart.’
I loved your play with this line from Alice:
"After all, he didn't forget you for nothing."
Made perfect sense to me.
The Alice / Bella conversation was excellent, about how Bella has changed since high school and how B&E are no longer in that little Forks bubble. “I see now that I still have to be part of the world too, especially if he won't change me." Yaay.
I like that Bella is also realistic enough to see that some of their important “issues” are still there.
Good description from Alice: "It's like he knows that he has been happy, and he wants to find that happiness again. He just doesn't know where to look. Yet."
I’m glad Bella declined Alice’s offer of inside info on Edward’s daily activities. And as poor a liar as she is, you know she’d get busted for stalking him in no time!
I internally groaned when Bella started her new job – do I want to know these people? - but your light hand with her coworkers had me smiling.
It’s funny that on the one day Bella relaxes because it’s sunny and she knows Edward won’t be out, she doesn’t notice the weather change and there he is. He's surprisingly slow to warm up to friendly, too. And yet there are a couple of moments…
I have to tell you that I immediately went looking around for recordings by “The Chimes” - they sound fabulous. I think it wasn’t till later that you mentioned you made them up.
| Renee Aubin chapter 2 . 9/5/2016
‘Until this moment Edward had had a purpose – to keep Bella safe. But now that Victoria was gone, his purpose was gone.
Everything was gone.’
Clever, suicide by Newborn! Although clearly he didn’t die…
Nice detail: ‘…a cool hand passes over my forehead, leaving a trail of heat behind.’
And then Edward disappears, making all of us wonder if she imagined him. Until Alex confirms that he was there!
Wow, excellent contrast between the canon blood typing incident and how this time ‘…he left me lying on the grass for someone else to look after’.
Great use of this phrase:
‘…like he'd never seen me before.
Like I had never existed.’
Somehow there’s so much more gravity to Carlisle turning up at her door than the canon scene of Alice alone. Really satisfying reunion with Alice.
Good phrase: ‘Edward has wrung the last bit of shock out of me.’
Well said, Alice re Edward’s determination that they leave Forks: "He wasn't just adamant, Carlisle, he was unreachable."
Nice: ‘But as the tears flow and Alice pulls me onto the sofa and into her arms, I'm not only crying for me...I'm crying for him too, for what he's done to himself, to us.’
Sigh: "I thought I'd cried myself out a long time ago," I murmur. "Guess I was wrong."
Excellent: ‘"You're saying he has amnesia? What, he got a bump on the head and forgot about me?" I can hear my voice rising in disbelief, this is laughable. "He's a vampire," I tell them, as if they didn't know.’
Satisfying: “Edward killed Victoria himself…”
But shivery: “Edward wanted to be alone to watch her burn."
Interesting that now no one knows what happened when Edward was attacked. He just didn’t come out of the woods, and when they went to look for him they found … God knows what. Mean author, our imaginations are probably worse than what you could describe!
"So his mind blocked me out."
"I think it was either that or self-destruction."
And no more mind reading! Something he’s always desired, really.
"He's had to learn to read people sole[l]y by their faces and voices and body language. He was very lost, and very angry for a while. In some ways he was like a newborn again."
Fascinating: “…compared to losing the mind reading, the memory loss didn't really rate."
Sure, if he has no idea how significant the memories were…
‘…my poor, lost vampire. I hug myself, wishing I could hug him.’
Good theory about Bella’s scent changing, along with the other physical symptoms she has endured.
Well done, from Carlisle: “Edward has gone to enormous trouble to block out something incredibly painful, and I believe he's done this purely to survive. So, he needs to remember in his own time, when his subconscious believes he's ready to handle it, and not before.”
Bella must feel like she has fallen through the looking glass – now that astonishingly, she finally knows the truth, she’s supposed to keep it from Edward!
‘My eyes close and I shiver at the thought of Edward remembering in a hundred years, when I'm gone.’ Absolutely.
Damn: “But you also need to consider that the reasons Edward left are still there.” Too true.
Sniffle: “He likes to be alone a lot now," [Alice] says quietly. "Even more than before."
Terrific: "He came back for my bookmark," I say softly, sitting up straight and lifting my eyes to look at Carlisle, then Alice. "That must mean something, mustn't it?"
Geez, “let nature take its course”. What a tall order!
Aww: ‘I've let my little spiky-haired pixie friend know she's welcome to visit me anytime she wants. That made her giggle, and the sound rang like silver bells in my ears and made me smile too.’
As she imagines him in his Portland rooms: ‘So many images, so many memories. I've gone so long pushing them back and now that I'm letting them come they're overwhelming.’ Sigh.
Ah, good explanation:
‘He still turns heads, of course. … I realise now why he wasn't surprised that I knew his name when I called after him last Tuesday - every girl on campus probably knows his name.’
Oh my gosh:
‘What if it was always my scent and my uniquely silent mind that attracted him, and without those things...I'm nothing?’
| Renee Aubin chapter 1 . 8/21/2016
My favorite thing, another Windchymes story. I have read the whole thing and now have the pleasure of going through it again to review…
Your portrayal of Jacob and their relationship is delightful, just what it always should have been IMO. I like that he has Beth too – you haven’t said whether she’s The Imprint but perhaps we will find out.
A favorite line:
"Aren't you eating?"
"Can't. You haven't left me anything."
Good context: ‘And even though my someone couldn't blush, he used to smile that way about me. But that was a long time ago now. Two years ago next Tuesday to be exact, but I'm not counting.’
Interesting that she did go to Florida – as canon Charlie wanted her to - but her year there was just “awkward”. She doesn’t say that it was just too far from where she knew the Cullens, but I’m suspicious…
I smiled that she just can’t throw away her disintegrating copy of Wuthering Heights. Been there, done that.
Interesting: ‘Gradually, slowly, little by little, I'm moving towards happiness. I suspect it will always be a light that's shining out of reach, but at least now it offers me some illumination.’
A hard-won turning point: ‘I've stopped looking for him wherever I go. ... I don't look for signs or clues anymore.’
Ooh, a mystery, the bookmark appearing out of nowhere!
Very well done, she’s standing in the lighting outside the library staring at the bookmark when
‘Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. … I watch the figure come out of the gloom and as he comes down the path, before I can see his face clearly I know...it's in the set of his shoulders and the tilt of his head. And the way he walks...
It's Edward Cullen.’
What a shocking entrance!
Good description of her reaction: ‘I feel like I've gone into free fall.’ And what her mind does:
‘Memories I'd pushed away, good and bad, come roaring back; I'm impaled on some and embraced by others. Coming all at once, in shocking chaos and confusion, they crash over me in waves of hurt and happiness that defy description.’
Sigh: ‘I can't think of how many times I've drowned in those eyes.’
‘He moves closer, and for a surreal second I think he's going to walk right past me, into the library, but he stops.’
Oh my gosh he very nearly did walk right past her!
Whoa: ‘We stare at each other for just the most fleeting fraction of a second and I expect to see something there...but I don't. There's nothing.’
I’m mentally jumping up and down wondering how this is possible. He’s not even responding to her scent this time.
OMG: "Pleased to meet you, Bella.” Being politely dismissed by the love of your life.
Well you’ve certainly got my attention!
| SeekingMyEdward chapter 20 . 8/20/2016
This story was truly lovely. I enjoyed every minute of it. I loved the way you took all of the creepy, stalkerish, controlling things about Edward and turned them around. It's something I wished would have happened in the original story. Thank you for this story and sharing your writing gift.
| ImYours1901 chapter 20 . 8/8/2016
this was an amazing story. I'm so glad i found it, thank you for sharing this with us!
| ImYours1901 chapter 6 . 8/7/2016
| ImYours1901 chapter 2 . 8/7/2016
| cbzoo chapter 6 . 7/28/2016
this is amazing
| Ariya120 chapter 20 . 7/26/2016
| Willowstar23 chapter 16 . 7/9/2016
Such a cute chapter !
| galaxy69uk chapter 20 . 6/26/2016
Thank you for a great story I read it as a WIP but with the way the UK has been since Friday I needed a good read to hide from the world I'm glad I picked this one it was even better the second time around I love watching edward grow
| Guest chapter 20 . 6/18/2016
After many years away from fanfic I came across this. And wow what a great story. Love how this Bella is more mature and In control of her own destiny. Well done!
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/16/2016
How could Kate almost happen? I thought once a vampire in SM's world found their mate that was it and there would never be another. Either you chose not to use this or most likely did not realize this fact about Twilight.
| Kopec82 chapter 3 . 6/10/2016
I cant Find the chismes anywhere, help a link for YouTube anyone?!