Reviews for Benefaction
Anonymous chapter 9 . 7/16/2013
At first I wondered why this story did not have much reviews and whatnot as it seemed pretty good. Then I saw the symbols and just went with it although they were frustrating, I could sort of guess what the words were. My biggest problem is Eliza and Scorpius. Gag me, because I could not stand their little side romance. How nice that the one for her is this rich boy who is pureblood and all? So close to a Disney princess story, I could barely read the rest of this fic without skimming any part that was about them... Which was a lot. Otherwise, this fic was rather decent. I honestly expected more about Draco and Harry, not this OC...
stormy52 chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
FiftyShadesofMakeUp-FYI, the square boxes do not appear on my screen.
The story looks fine to me. I've seen them before and they usually replace apostrophes or some punctuation. No idea why some people see them and some don't, but it is not the fault of the author.

Also, this story is perfectly fine as it is written. The typos you speak of are probably just a difference between Brit and American spelling. They are not spelled wrong.
inactive132 chapter 2 . 11/2/2012
I'm surprised no one else noticed but this seriously needed a beta. There are a lot of typos. It's good, it is, even though I just finished chapter 2. There are just a lot of mistakes.
inactive132 chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Not bad so far except these symbols or whatever they are 'οΎ—' are distracting as to that I don't know what they are.
Luv2read chapter 9 . 9/6/2012
The story was adorable and well written. Felt a bit sad about Astoria and Ginny though.
RenaKane chapter 8 . 6/19/2012
A very interesting and good plot line )
Feromone chapter 9 . 5/4/2012
I must say, this made for a very interesting read indeed. I am surprised you didn't get anymore reviews seeing as most people writing about H/D always have about a hundred or more reviews? Anyway, I have not reviewed every chapter apart simply because when I reached the end I couldn't remember the beginning (short memory span problems I know, don't get me started).

Now on to the review of the story. I am mostly a fan of Draco and Harry pairing in stories, and I certainly did like your description of them in this story. But there is one thing I cannot deal with and that is cheating. Draco seems to be very prone to that in a lot of fic-writers minds, but I am not really 'down' with that. What I like even less is when, in this case Draco is in an established relationship (albeit maybe a little loveless/platonic one) with his wife. And if you had explained they were set up to be married, but you wrote that he really liked her in the beginning. I can never fathom that why then, would you want to hurt that person? I know some proud people in my family and she too was cheated on by her husband time and time again. That doesn't mean she wanted in or did condone it. I think Astoria (in your story and like my grandmother) is just to proud to admit that her husband is a cheater. Also it seems as though Draco gets away with it too. How convenient.

Another thing, Scorpius is about 15 too in this right? How come Draco never realized before that he wanted to be with Harry so very badly? I know that optometrist put some spell on his lenses but that story is only seen from Draco's point of view. I get that the optometrist thinks if he is linked to this Draco would have his head (or something), but if he can't see the results why cast the spell? Even being good in casting spells and knowing they work wouldn't that still make the person willing to se the results?

I read you didn't want to write about any Mary Sue's and you didn't for eight chapters that is. I am sort, but out of all the girls (magical and non magical too for that matter) it is very 'fortunate' for a literally dirt poor girl such as Eliza too be see by and fallen in love with by one of the most prestigious families in the wizarding world. Also to almost instantly have a great future and no more worries what so ever. Need a hand Eliza? Nevermind here you have six (and so forth)! I really do believe you just made Eliza a defiant Mary Sue. I mean really Harry Potter takes care of her (doesn't matter if he's been shunned, because he is still the Boy Who Lived) and Draco Malfoy Mister '6A'? It's all just a bit too much. Because

About Astoria a bit more, it was good that you took one paragraph (but still) amount of time to tell Draco off a bit for cheating on Astoria, what then would his friends say about hooking up with Potter all this time? Your Draco says he doesn't care what other people say, but that remains to be seen. It would have been nice if you told how she was in the end (Astoria that is) maybe she ended up with Theodore or something but not just a bitter old woman (what it sounds like from Eliza's briefs mention).

As for the writing it was done well, very well. The readability though, was crazy. It was so hard to stick with this story but I was wondering about H/D and Astoria the man in the glasses shop so I plowed through. Also some space between new occurrences would also be nice and you already knew about those characters sometimes showing up? Especially the ending had it bad.

I really do not wish to hurt you, because the story is solid and God knows I've never (completely) written a story but I did feel the need to share and also so that you may improve this story should you wish to do so so people can read it all more easily.
imaniiebee chapter 8 . 4/23/2012
Absolutely love love love love love. It really was fantastic!
3l3m3ntalwitch chapter 9 . 2/19/2012
I just love this story.. read it once, came back and read it again. My Fair Lady was one of my favorites growing up and you did great justice to it in the HP interp. Thank you :)
lossoffantasy chapter 9 . 12/25/2011
Dear Slytherincesss,

I have just finished reading your story and I have to say, I am totally in love with it.

During the past few years I have developed a strange need for characters that behave psychologically logical and plots that make me actually believe that what I am reading about are grown-up characters.

Unfortunately, until now I hardly found any fanfictions that matched these requirements and revealed a perfect mix of realism and new imaginative aspects.

This is why I liked your story that much: there was love and hate, there was fun and there was quite a nice bunch of symbolic figures.

Due to the fact that English is not my mother tongue I am unable to evaluate the style of writing from a literary-studies-perspective, but since I understood everything easily (which does not mean I want to accuse you of having a Stephenie Meyer style) I guess you did well.

I loved the development of the characters, mostly of course the development of Draco - I think the most fun part when reading and writing Draco/Harry fanfiction consists in showing how slowly everything for them changes, and this is probably also the part that makes it so hard to write good "Drarry" fanfiction.

Excuse the bad writing style, there are too many repitions above...

But well, as written in the beginning, I loved it. Really, truly, deeply, honestly. And the next thing for me to do will be to look up your profile and see if you wrote anything else - if yes, I am eager to read it :)

Greetings from Germany,

LossOfFantasy
Jessarie chapter 9 . 12/21/2011
this story was really cool... i like Eliza and the research you put into Squibs. Makes for a very intriguing read :)
THISISN'TEVENBEINGUSED chapter 9 . 12/17/2011
I think I might just love you. You are just THE best H/D author ever.

Excuse me, I'm going to practice how I'll worship the ground you walk on, should we meet in real life.

(Scratch that. Respect, I do. Worship, I do not.)
o-Amethyst-o chapter 8 . 12/13/2011
I was really fascinated by your fic: absolutely realistic and wonderfully refreshind dialogues and situations! Very well done!

I just have one question: There seem to be some words missing, that were replaced by japanese Katakana characters...? I am assuming this was accidential. It would improve the reading-flow immensely, if that were corrected :)

Best wishes and keep at it!
Lea chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
love this!

I've only just found your fics - and find your style of writing very more-ish!

especially love the post-hogwarts :)
3cheers4Snape chapter 3 . 11/26/2011
Interesting start to the story...came across it today and really looking forward to reading the rest...

seems an interesting mix of Shallow Hall and My Fair Lady...
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