|Reviews for Hell Unleashed|
| Madcinder chapter 1 . 6/6/2013
Now I wonder why I avoided Firefly or Alien fanfictions for so long. This was awesome. Bug in the box! Squish it!
| pschlegs62 chapter 6 . 1/26/2013
Story is great so far I like that it takes place post Serenity as it leaves the future unimpeded keep up the good work!
| Thaumh chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Why am I seeing George Takei as Mr Yutani?
| ZecoreZecron chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
Very good. Just a little bit dialog heavy.
| Anon chapter 5 . 1/21/2012
All five chapters so far are great.
but remember aliens do not have human thoughts or human intelligence so they should stay the way they are portrayed in films which is a non-sentient instinctual killing machine.
but the story is great so far. more chapters needed ASAP
| JoeEngland chapter 5 . 12/28/2011
I like your writing. It's pretty solid. There are things about the plot, though... I wouldn't go so far as to call them "holes," per se, but I'm not sure I quite believe them.
For one thing, I have trouble buying that there would be any amount of ambivalence between The Alliance and Mal and his crew. I mean, at best, I can picture the military being too occupied with damage control to make tracking down Serenity a priority. But to actually meet them, and then let them go as though they were checking a toll booth...? What could they possibly have to gain from not taking such an easy shot? They're almost going out of their way now to let them go. Whatever the Operative might have said to discourage the government from actively pursuing them, if a highly armed Alliance vessel did happen to come across Serenity I can't imagine there would be any degree of cordiality. He made no guarantees, and in fact seemed to imply that his efforts on their behalf would probably fall on deaf ears. And really, all he did was tell them the Tams were "no longer a threat." That's hardly a cessation of hostilities. He even went so far as to emphasize that the Parliament would bear a grudge, so for our heroes to be at their mercy and get off scot-free is more than a little suspect. After what they did, would any Alliance officer have any fear of a reprimand should they become responsible for Mal Reynolds' destruction and/or River Tam's re-acquisition? All things considered, Hallerton is being a very, very, VERY nice guy. Bringing down Mal and his crew (and grabbing River, who was still a refugee before Miranda became an issue) would probably make his career. He has two frigates at his disposal, aimed directly at the man who almost single-handedly devastated his government's credibility.
"Well, we've got the mysterious crate onboard, men. Let's go... Oh no! The Serenity! It's comin' right for us!"
"Sir? The ship hasn't moved..."
"Yes it did, it moved just a little there, see? It's comin' right for us! All batteries fire."
"Oh. Yeah, sir, it's comin' right for us, all right..."
"Good work, officer. Better safe than sorry. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready for the party I'm about to be thrown."
And then there's River. I'm going to be honest and say I never really liked her all that much. She just seemed a little Mary-Sue to me, effectively omnipotent and physically unstoppable to boot. I might be biased. But I was under the impression that her personality quirks had stabilized somewhat by the end of Serenity, having unloaded the Miranda conspiracy from her troubled psyche. So to see her having such trouble communicating directly with the crew seems like a slight regression of her character. She flits around uncontrollably with that same gormless expression on her face, exposing her presence to a squad of armed Alliance troops, and Mal trusts her with flying his Firefly? Again, it's not a plot hole per se, but I think she needs to have gained a measure of stability for a captain to give her that kind of responsibility.
Again, no real plot holes, just... let's call them weak points in the plot's fabric that, as a reader, I'd like to have fleshed out. There could still be good reasons why things play out like this, but they need to be outlined a bit more than just "the Operative made a recommendation."
| damaris chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
Interesting premise. You write really well, and I don't think it was choppy at all. I really felt the intensity of the moment when River realized. I do hope you're not gonna kill everyone off from Firefly lol. :)