|Reviews for Karai, Alex, Leo, and Mikey's Lives|
| Tiger-girl-14 chapter 4 . 3/2/2013
why did you change account?
| my sweet feathered angel chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
omg this amazing i love this story
| Sushi Shea chapter 2 . 12/12/2011
Hello! I am Sushi Shea Shogun, here to review your story!
I will say this right off the bat, so forgive me if I sound blunt; from where I stand, Alexandria is too powerful - much too powerful to ever suffer from conflict and have the audience believe that she is truly in trouble. Therefore, she can't garner any sympathy from her readers. Is Alex trapped in a cage? Well, she can control "anything you can imagine", so she can just bend the bars and escape. Is Alex being cornered by the baddies? No problem! Having the ability to control anything gives her limitless options, from controlling the bad guys and turning them on their allies to having the floor open up and swallow them. Even with her mental disabilities, she's a one man army!
I give you credit for actually mentioning her disabilities, but like I said before, they don't seem to offset her powers enough. If you MUST keep the power to control "anything", it needs to come with a consequence or hindrance. For example, if I made a character who could read minds, I would make it so he would have to touch his target in order to do it, or that he is still learning to translate thoughts. Maybe reading minds is very tiring, or maybe his target can read /his/ mind if they know he's doing it. If I made another character who could control water, perhaps I would make it so that she could only control a certain amount of water or put her at a lower skill level.
A good way to balance a character is to specialize and limit. For example, my mind reading character is specialized to be smart and mentally powerful, but he wouldn't last very long in a physical fight. My water bending character relies on water to defend herself; if there is no water, she gets her butt kicked. Pick your favorite ability among Alex's and stick with it; choosing more than one doesn't make your character "better". In fact, flaws contribute to your character's likability and believability.
I also want to touch on Alex's personality. According to your story, "She was like all of the turtles". Karai said that "...she developed all the [personalities] of you four." Donatello's uncharacteristic outburst actually puts it best; THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. Alex isn't her own character, she's four other characters smashed into one body. And since the turtles' personalities contradict each other and clash, she becomes inconsistent. One moment she's as brash and hot-headed as Raphael, the next she's as cool-headed and reasoning as Leonardo. Since she switches between these four personalities, it's impossible to familiarize ourselves with her.
What I am trying to say is that she needs her /own/ personality. I would recommend choosing a stereotype and dedicating work to fleshing it out, adding kinks and traits to make it unique. It takes work, but it is a lot more rewarding and fun to write a character with her own life. Pretend, only for a moment, that she will never meet the turtles. She needs her own set of friends, habits, values, life style, and preferences. Keep in mind that, being Karai's sister, being raised in the same environment would have a /huge/ impact on her personality. An association with the most evil man in canon is no light affair.
This is all I will say for now. You, of course, do not have to take my advice, but I would very much appreciate it if you kept in mind. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me via PM; I'd love to discuss your character with you, because she has potential!
Write write write!
Sushi Shea Shogun
| Nala162024 chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
I can tell you why Scar of Mine likes the Karai and Leo pairing, it is the best pairing ever! And I have a lot of favorite pairings.
But how did Alex get into that nija outfit so fast?
| I Love Kittens too chapter 3 . 11/20/2011
Interesting story! Karai has a sister. But Alexandria was mutated by Bishop using Mikey's DNA, is possible that's why is so agile.
And having asthma is bad for her. Those rescue inhalers work but not when the attack is severe. I was an asthmatic for many years.
| Scar of Mine chapter 2 . 11/20/2011
Love the second chapter... thanks again for the story! .
| Scar of Mine chapter 1 . 11/20/2011
Thanks this is awesome! You honestly didn't have to but I appreciate it greatly. Leo and Karai arn't my favorite couple but out of all the cannon characters I've always thought theirs was the most dynamic. I've always liked the shows where the hero falls in love with the villian's daughter...there's something sweet about it.