Reviews for Unspoken Veela
IdaRose89 chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
What is with the chain-mail face?
Twylaheart chapter 13 . 12/8/2012
Update please
CLAMPsFluffMeisterGirl chapter 13 . 9/10/2012
Djakfkskfjskoflwltmwktlwltke mtk I didn't actually think she was going to put in the review. When I was reading this story I was also talking to my friends, and my friend Jen is going through what I call a 'hate on all cliches' stage where she proclaims all characters as Mary-sue. She's actually the one who wrote that review (why she didn't use her fanfiction account I do not know), and I'll make sure she reads your comment on her review. I admire your reply and yes, my friends and I read Mary-sue stories all the time but the less annoying ones are worth reading. We live through Jen's rants about Mary-Sue's a lot and we see where she's coming. XD This story is actually one of the less annoying Mary-sue stories (although Jen won't admit that she's intrigued), so I hope you update soon!
The De-Sueifier chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
Please do not take this as a flame as so many authors would. But Railah is a huge Mary-Sue, and let me explain to you why I think so:

First off, she's Hawaiian-American. I take this as your attempt at creating an "exotic" character. This would be okay, if not for the fact that her physical description was not well-written. She dyes her hair blonde and has dark bangs, tattoos on her body, her skin is golden, eyes the color of a leaf. So of course, I'm going to take this as you wishing you could look like Railah. Based on the fact that you put so much focus on her appearance, I believe that this is how you, the author, wish you could look in reality. Many authors make the mistake of creating a better self-insert version of themselves, and I believe this is what you have done.

Now, I see where you try to make up for this. To you, giving Railah a terrible life story makes up for that. This is where you are wrong. Doing so makes her even more of a Sue- you're trying to make her unique, trying to do something no one has done before. In reality, she's basically another Harry Potter. Orphaned and angsty. At least Harry's appearance wasn't over-the-top.

The least you could have done was given her a better life. That would have made her stand out more, believe it or not. How many authors give their characters a normal life? Not many. You could have been the one to do so.

Once again, do not take this as a flame, but rather a bit of useful advice. I think your best bet is to rewrite the story but to give Railah some more relatable flaws. I feel like she could never be real or relatable, which is not good in a character. You want to flesh your character out more and give them some real substance and character-growth. Railah is a static character. She stays the same throughout and I see no real development for her in the future. Think of Piper from The Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan. Railah isn't very different from Piper, now is she?

-The De-Sueifier
Katara Melody Cullen chapter 12 . 5/11/2012
Awesome chapters.
ariah23 chapter 12 . 4/4/2012
please update!
Skeeterkus chapter 13 . 3/27/2012
Oh my gosh. Im so sorry this even happened. You deserve to have many, many years of 'me time' and so does anyone else involved except, of course, the 'dickwad' and the other eggheads responsible for the death of someone dear. I hope that the six year old is getting better somehow.

Thank you for finding time to explain to us the problem in your hectic life.
HermioneandMarcus chapter 12 . 2/19/2012
fantastic chapter and i can not wait to read more of it as soon as you can write it please and thank you
Skeeterkus chapter 12 . 2/18/2012
Oh my gosh, its so tragic. That one started to become a bit sad at the end. :'( ok a lot sad. I can't get over how awesome this story is. Love it
xXMizz Alec VolturiXx chapter 12 . 2/17/2012
really good please go on!
xXMizz Alec VolturiXx chapter 11 . 2/8/2012
really sweet go on!
HermioneandMarcus chapter 11 . 2/7/2012
fantastic chapter and i can not wait to read more of it as soon as you can write it please and thank you
Skeeterkus chapter 10 . 1/31/2012
Oh my gosh. I really like this story. Good job. I like this story better then other Veela stories I've read, its got character.

Great job. Update soon. I can't wait!
HermioneandMarcus chapter 10 . 1/24/2012
fantastic chapter and i can not wait to read more of it as soon as you can write it please and thank you
Nicky-Maree chapter 10 . 1/24/2012
AWE! I actually am really adoring this story. It's one of my fav's atm actually. :)

I like how Harry is the best friend and how everyone is getting along. Also I love how cute Draco is in the story. I usually don't like reading him so lovey dovey but for some reason you make it work. And for that I thank you.

You have a really great writing style and it's good to see you publishing some long chapters.

I cannot wait to read about Railah telling Harry about Draco being a veela and also to see more Draco and Railah moments.

All the best with your writing and I hope that you post the next chapter soon.

Take care! :)
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