|Reviews for Girl of Steel|
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/17/2013
GIRL OF STEEL A SUPERGIRL
| persevera chapter 1 . 9/3/2012
Blonde is correct for a female.
"Unbeknownst to her, Luthor believes Supergirl in charge will make everyone on Earth feel inferior to her and plans to corrupt her, ultimately leading to her downfall."-Interesting premise
"He kept looking back as if it would keep him moving forward."-I like this phrase
The pitiful man had kryptonite...hmmmm
| Vyscaria chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
I like how you plunged the reader straight into the story with a brief synopsis of what has occurred. However, the pace is too fast and there is little to no description of anything that goes on. This left me confused and frazzled, to be honest. You could try varying your sentence lengths, using commas to a greater effect, and putting in some description to keep the prose fresh. I did catch onto a few typos and spelling errors, but it seems another reviewer has already pointed them out for this chapter.
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
I like your setup and your plot; it's intriguingly laid out. However, at times your sentences are too declarative and short. Sentence length is crucial because if sentences are all the same length in a piece, the reader will feel a singsong-y effect. Try working with sentences of different lengths, and it will automatically take away the overly declarative aspects at some point.
Also, keep in mind the pace of a scene. There are some things I've noted that you should describe, things that don't seem to be used to their full effect in the piece. With just the odd sentence of description here or there, you will automatically also have a more involving piece, because your reader will be able to visualize the scene better from the details.
The clouds hanging from both sides looked like paper bags caught in an updraft - good simile, hadn't seen it before.
SPAG below, along with a few non-spelling or grammar notes. Hope this helps!
SPAG (SPelling And Grammar):
Superman is on the other side of the universe resolving great conflicts that Earth could no longer manage and wards them off far away. Before Superman's absence, a great battle that took place on Earth, Luthorcorp has ceased to function. - Clarify these two sentences. I know what you're trying to say, but they read awkwardly for me.
Supergirl, along with her still living allies. Unbeknownst...
certain member of Krypton - do you mean certain /native/ of Krypton?
The figure thought she felt the same. / Looking down below where the street was seen, the being/with increased speed - these points read unnecessarily awkwardly, and could be more simply stated.
flew down below - Who's flying? Supergirl? You need to identify the subject.
a scared look on his face, almost as if someone was pursuing him - describe this more, make it more vivid to the reader.
gave out a small laugh - let out a small laugh
the man's smile disappeared - not 'smiled'
his head slowly raised - 'was raised' is for objects, not subjects. 'the bricks were raised to the roof of the house,' for instance.
as quickly as he could.
The man was then picked up from the ground by his neck - slow down and describe again.
"Jake Anderson, wanted for felony and theft, served six months at Arkham. You know the rules," she reminded him.
weird bindings - describe these. What's weird about them?
"You're going away indefinitely now," she said to him.
came up to the woman. "Ma'am?
Of course I'm all right.
faster than a speeding bullet," Dinah bit back. "What did this guy do?" She pointed to where the man was being taken to a van. - Describe how the man goes to the van. I'm guessing he puts up a fight.
She pointed a finger to where the box the man took out lay on the ground beneath a dumpster. - too many prepositions, rephrase so you don't have a string thereof.
Dinah put her pistol in her holster.
A green glow was given off - Describe this glow.
The fact that there was kryptonite was a huge concern for Supergirl - Show this; don't tell it.
| bunnibits chapter 2 . 6/23/2012
Wow. The chapter itself was great, but it's been so long since I last read this story, that I've nearly forgotten what's going on. But, it's only one chapter, so before I read the next, I'll be sure to reread the previous one. :)
Until then! xXKiraUzumakiXx
| Zias chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
Nice intro, really gets you into it and the little synopsis at the top has a real comic book feel to it which gets you right in the mood.
One tiny thing, and maybe its just a peeve of mine, is that i don't know why you refer to Supergirl as "the woman" when i think any reader already guest it was her from the first paragraph. Personally i think it would flow better if you just referred to her as Supergirl or Kara especially since their is another woman. "The woman in the suit faced the other woman" just sounds a bit off.
There are also a few repeats and cluttered sentences i can point out to you in a PM if your interested.
However it is a very good start to a story, you hooked me in quite quickly :)
| Madam'zelleG chapter 19 . 4/30/2012
A thousand apologies for the lateness of this review! Unforseeable circs kept me from reviewing when I thought that I could. Anyway.
There are a lot of powerful emotions in your first section. I really enjoyed it because I felt genuinely part of what was going on. It was a little confusing but I think that was part of the point of the entire scene. Lovely!
This was an interesting chapter. I look forward to continuing!
| Fayah chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
So I admit most of my DC knowledge comes from the Batman series, fandom, and wikipedia, so sorry if I'm not as familiar with the fandom as you hope from a reviewer.
It's an interesting start overall. I am a bit confused about your "in the futre..." thing, I guess it's a longer summary thing, but I feel it's a bit confusing on how it jumps around time-wise and is a bit too revealing (this is kinda personal preference for me though). Most of it I would have preferred to read in a more dispersed manner incorporated into the storytelling instead of this condensed super summary stuck at the front that supposedly foretells the future...but apparently also recaps the past? Or it seems like the past. Or I don't even know, I'm just confused 8T
Also I peaked at the next chapter and that also seems to jump around a little. It's not completely bad, just a bit confusing and maybe troublesome for some readers.
There's a bit of stray/missing punctuation and grammar/spelling errors that cause me to do double takes, but a lot of authors actually don't want to bother to fix it, so I never bother listing them in reviews anymore - let me know if you want more specific details.
| DA7 chapter 15 . 3/18/2012
I don't really know much about Powergirl, but it still sounds like an interesting story. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, and voice and flow of the sentence were done well. Keep up the good work.
| anon chapter 17 . 3/12/2012
I will always prefer villains who at least have a point and frighteningly may even be right about everyone being better off under their benevolent dictatorship (of course make education great so the common man does know what is best for him and his children's children and democratic republicanism can work) like Ra's al Ghul if the environment isn't brought into balance no matter the means or cost the future for the human race will be worse than any dystopian fiction and will lead to the extinction of the human race not through misadventure but suicide through stupidity or Lex Luthor who as he says if he was calling all the shots could end famine and cure cancer and he could his mind is capable of anything perhaps give everyone ultra high-tech non polluting technology and maybe even superpowers (without the White Martians ancient experiments all humanity would be like the Kryptonians or Daxamites) lead humanity and the rest of the universe to unimaginable glory remember Red Son he united all humanity and led us to a golden age that lasted millions of years, no poverty, disease, war, crime, terrorism, or environmental problems and science and art advance, he’s about the advancement of the human race by any means necessary it’s not that he’s a good man he’s not but he’s right about most things he’s too smart not to be
A lot of villains seem unaware that if they used their mind and/or other talents for legitimate business causes or the government could be far more profitable than any crime spree
Luthor has fanatical Nietzschean beliefs, that Superman undermines humanity’s worth and accomplishments
Of course vigilantes can be sanctimonious hypocrites judging others and letting themselves go unscrutinized condemning others when they do the same thing for less reasons I think it is disgusting they don't share their scientific breakthroughs (of course inventors should be well compensated) with the scientific specifically medical community or their skills with law enforcement agencies far more good than beating up thugs and psychos fight crime at its source ignorance and poverty. I realize due to rarity and complexity mass production may not always be possible or at least cost effective and due to difficulty not all could take brutal training but a little bit could go a very, very long way. A hero doesn’t just save people a hero teaches the people to take care of themselves. The ability to think of future generations when calculating pragmatic utilitarianism is what separates us from the animals. The world is not the way it is because of thugs and psychopaths, corrupt businessmen/politicians (which contrary to fiction are the exception not the rule) but because most people are too stupid to know what is best for them the extreme left and extreme right get caught up in their ideals and refuse to acknowledge brutal facts of reality no real world understanding of the extreme complexities of politics, economics, technological logistics, and how they’re all interconnected in the long run. People want everything right here right now the whole world just handed to them on a silver platter think just by complaining something will happen without a tangible plan. Such a plan will require a lot of long, hard, boring work all day every day for generations.
There will always be some exploitation, the best and brightest will elevate themselves over the common man, it’s nature, best for the species, it improves the standard of living of the human race as a whole, as long as they don’t kill anyone or otherwise actively oppress, free trade and enterprise is the only thing that has ever led to long lasting meaningful peace
I'm glad the government has Suicide Squad, Cadmus, Checkmate, the Elite, Amanda Waller, and the new female Spy Smasher, Cameron Chase I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting accountability from Superheroes, having checks and balances on these living breathing weapons of mass destruction seems quite reasonable to me, one will go left when they should go right and innocent people will die it WILL happen, not saying black ops don’t have their necessity, they can be used as a force of good
Have you heard of The Boys
Say you’re Harry Truman do you drop the bombs or do you drown the home islands in the blood of U.S. Marines, BATMAN has no answer to that question, people hire soldiers so they never have to use moral courage themselves Some villains do need to be put down permanently if they keep escaping and butchering innocents
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 4 . 2/21/2012
So I've very little familiarity with the Supergirl universe, so I can't really comment on whether folks are OOC or anything.
You have a few issues with your writing. You're a bit redundant, and you overexplain some things and under explain others.
" "What?" she asked outrageously. " I think you want "outraged". "Outrageously" is describing the way that she said 'what, not how she was feeling, implying that she said it in a kooky or weird way.
"Brainiac had done something to Argo City that she had yet to discover what it was and was about to destroy the Earth that one time." This sentence is way too vague and also switches tense. I have no idea what "that one time" is. I'd rewrite it, specifying what exactly he had done to Argo City.
"Kara was now in a panic mode. But eventually she had calmed down. She knew she had to take the obvious course of action. Nodding, she was then in a serious manner once again." These three sentences can be a good two paragraphs. Kara's your main character, and we want to know what she's going through, what she's thinking, what she's feeling.
You also don't need to vary speech tags as much as you are. "said", and "asked" are just fine, but if you want to get a bit more description in something like "Imra said, frowning." is fine. Otherwise you get people acting really weird.
""I need to get back to Rokk then." Kara then sped off within a blink of an eye, leaving Brainiac 5 alone.
"The problem is there is no kryptonite on this planet anymore. Only the enemies of Kal-El may know and several are in a vegetative state or have long since been deceased." Rokk explained." Here, you need to explain the scene change. Show her traveling to meet him, maybe explore some of her thoughts. She's just been blindsided and seeing her father and her planet in a whole new light now.
So yeah, work on getting into Kara's head a bit more.
| Lazerwolf314 chapter 4 . 2/21/2012
Interesting. While not familiar with the fandom, from what I have read, this seems like a very plot thick and intriguing story. You've got the right amount of descriptors and the like and you really let your style show. A solid fic.
I'd suggest that you do add breaks between your time/location jumps though. Because, the bold isn't enough of a delayer for someone to realize that you've switched and when they do, they're confused. Even a ... would work.
As well, some of the dialogue between characters seems a little tacky and forced. Picture you're the one having the conversation; it might help with flow.
But from where this is going, it could be very creative.
| Madam'zelleG chapter 2 . 2/16/2012
Admittedly, I don't know a thing about this fandom so I can't be much help with characterization. But you have some really lovely descriptions and that makes it easier for someone who's not into these comics to understand what's going on here. Excellent work!
| bunnibits chapter 1 . 2/13/2012
Neat. I haven't been into superheroes since I was young, so this brought back a lot of memories for me. Not much really happened in this chapter, so I'll have to end my review here. But all in all, it was a pretty good read. I'm also interested to see some of the other characters when they appear throughout the story as well. :)