Reviews for Draco Dormiens
McGonagall25 chapter 10 . 11/26/2013
It was very good.
BIBOTOT chapter 1 . 8/16/2013
8 out of 10.
This one is quite good, albeit a short one. I have never known Lucius would have gone to such length to have a heir. Then again, why wouldn't he?
Really like Severus Snape here, so deviously calm. But the thing about side effects and risk factors mentioned by Lucius felt like it lacked a humorous flavour, a strong point of the whole series.
There is a problem, however. Your dialogues are in the wrong format. Use a comma instead of a dot ifthe speaker is immediately followed. For example: "Of course," Lucius said distractedly.
riaser chapter 10 . 7/23/2013
Whoohoo! Last chapter; and and excellent one if I may say so! Your ending monologue was especially powerful, I think, because it really summed up the entire story in the space of a few sentences, but also gave Draco a name and gave a reason for it. I haven't seen many authors do that, so it was a change and a good change to see that kind of monologue at the end.

["Draco." Narcissa crooned, as she carefully traced her fingers around their son's porcelain face. ] D'awww. That was cute, an it came with some excellent imagery.

Anyhow, I really liked this whole story because you really don't see stuff like this too often, an It's nice when you do. Everything is very well thought out and written, and like like the perspective you've given to Draco's birth.

Amazing work!
riaser chapter 9 . 7/23/2013
Well, I guess Voldemort isn't the most feared wizard for nothing, you seem to portray him with terrifying accuracy! Seriously, he's scaring the daylights out of me, and I'm just reading about him!

This chapter was interesting, but i think what interested me the most is that you didn't skip a lot of time between this chapter and the last. It threw me off a little bit, because I thought you were going to timeskip again, haha. Either way, though, I liked this because of the different characters that you used, and therefore, different interaction and a different atmosphere to write in.

And the way that you make Voldemort so paranoid about the prophecy and all is very realistic, as well as Lucius and his reaction to this news. I thought this was a really great chapter! Going to review the next!
riaser chapter 8 . 7/21/2013
You know, I think chapter has so far been my favorite. I think those Malfoys have finally gotten their priorities straight, and actually given a thought to the fact that their life will be a lot different with Draco around.

Also, this chapter seems to be a kind of conclusion to the whole episode with Narcissa and her medical problems. Unfortunately for me, I have a feeling there will be more to come. Darn. Still, it makes the story better.

Oh so what I like even more is the way you put the whole situation with Lord Voldemort into this chapter! We have been hearing much about the Dark Lord in this story, so I really enjoyed how you incorporated him and some of the death eaters in this chapter!

[However Narcissa's punishment was far worse than anything that Lord Voldemort could deliver.] Wow, somehow I think you're right about this...I think this line may have made thus chapter awesome for me.
riaser chapter 7 . 7/21/2013
Well, then it seems someone has done their research! Awesome! I'm really glad you seem to have at least some knowledge of pregnancy issues; I'm not a doctor or anything, but I am nitpicky about medical scenes in fanfiction. And, I'm really glad you have your figured out!

This chapter was so tense! I could practically feel Lucius steaming as he was talking to the healer, while she seemed totally calm because she probably deals with people like Lucius all the time, hah! In other words, your character's in this chapter were so dynamic and interacted very well with each other.

Poor Narcissa, even more then last chapter! I can't believe all this I happening to her, that poor lady! And I like never feel bad for her '

And oh, you've got a cliffie going for me, darn! I better go read the next chapter!
riaser chapter 6 . 7/21/2013
Oh, poor Narcissa! If I didn't know that Draco would be okay, I'd be really afraid for a miscarriage here. I'm serious, you really scared me in this chapter from how sick she is. I swear, it's like she almost died or something, even though she didn't.

[With their bodies pressed together firmly Lucius felt a rolling sensation against his stomach as their child moved between them and he knew beyond all doubt that his words were true.] And then there's this moment at the very end that really killed it for me. I mean, how adorable is this, from a couple I always see as really cold and kind of frigid.

["Never say that Narcissa. Ever." He whispered fiercely. "This baby was conceived against all odds and you have carried it for five months. You can do this. We can do this." He pulled his wife into his arms and pressed his lips against her silken hair.]
I don't know, this is just so...Lucius. your characterization here is incredibly awesome, and especially the fierce whispering to me seems incredibly realistic. Awesome job on this chapter!
riaser chapter 5 . 7/21/2013
You know, this chapter almost seemed like you were analyzing New Year's celebrations rather then Lucius and Narcissa, but it doesn't really matter, because you slipped in little mentions of them and the Malfoy lifestyle, so I'm okay with this one kind of lacking plot.

This is interesting, because I like the Black family: [All one had to do was look at Bellatrix, Walburga or Alphard to see that there was something not quite right with the Black family.] You know, you're kind of right. They are more then a little mad, and I think that people's headcannon on the whole 'Black Family Madness' is really entertaining for me.

[ As he made his way up to bed he wondered whether his child would be like Narcissa. He certainly hoped so.] This line both made me 'awww' and cringe at the same time. It was a little blunt and kind of raw, like it didn't quite belong in the story, but at the same time, it was so true and I don't usually think of Lucius thinking like that. So kudos for creating a new sort of way for him to think. And, of course, the symbolism of this chapter worked quite nicely for me. The whole 'new decade' thing for Lucius and Narcissa must really be occurring to them now, haha.
riaser chapter 4 . 7/21/2013
Darn, that Bellatrix! She's a nasty one, but also a really fun one to write, I can just imagine something like this going over, especially if she's had more then a few drinks...

Oh, the reactions you've written in sound just about priceless. The expressions on their faces when Bella storms up there and basically snubs the Malfoys; oh man. I just have to say, well done on an expressive, in character (and hilarious) scene.

["WAIT! WAIT!" Bellatrix jumped out of her seat and her chair scraped against the wooden floor boards with a loud screech before losing balance and falling to the ground behind her with a crash. ] That is so like her. I can imagine her screeching, hysterically cackling voice. You didn't even have to say it in the writing, which is even better!

["It looks as though Lucius and Cissy are expecting a baby! A little Malfoy snake to shit gold and continue the good name of one of our oldest and most depraved pureblood families!"] Actually, kudos for you (and Bellatrix) because that's just about the exact thing that Malfoys are, hah! Awesome, it made me laugh.
riaser chapter 3 . 7/21/2013
Wow, I really like the description you use in this chapter, and the way that it flows, I'm getting a clear picture of almost every sentence in my head! I think this one has been my favorite so far, because of the way you wrote it; it's really very excellent!

These lines especially were well done:

[Between their longstanding infertility and her overwhelming all-day-sickness both she and Lucius had come to believe that this whole pregnancy may turn out to be a cruel joke.] Gosh, this made me feel so bad for them; and I almost never feel bad for Malfoys.

[With a small laugh he tossed the firewhisky out of the window onto the roses below and slammed the window shut.] This was a very Lucius thing to do; which I really liked. It was also an excellent way to end the chapter!

Now, this I thought was very good:
[They had finally gotten a chance to get in to Meridwell's Hospital for Women and Children to see a healer.] It's not the sentence itself, but the name you made up for the hospital. It sounds like an actual Wizarding World location!

I think you characterized this really well, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
riaser chapter 2 . 7/20/2013
Wow, this chapter was really emotional! Even though Lucius and Narcissa just stared at each other when Lucius cast the spell, I think that you actually did a really good job portraying their emotions with their actions.

So, in Latin, "Experior Gravida" actually means "Emotional Experience". Now, this makes sense for the title of the chapter, of course, but the name of the spell that Lucius uses to tell if Narcissa is pregnant is also "Experior Gravida". Usually, in the Harry Potter world, spells are in Latin, and have something to do with what the spell does or causes.

Again, I really like how your writing is kind of like a drabble, it is descriptive, but not really overly wordy or anything. Nice job!
riaser chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
Hmm, interesting. I think I might actually start to like this story, it seems interesting so far, and I'm a fan of Lucius and Narcissa in their home life, especially when fanfiction authors decide to write about them.

Your writing seems like it could use a little more description, but at the same time, it seemed like a longer drabble, catching one conversation rather then one moment, as well as the feelings only in that snippet of time.

I really enjoyed the dialogue between Severus and Lucius, it seemed really realistic and I think that in this kind if drabble style, it was written very nicely.

I like this already, and I'm interested to see where it goes. I think that it's very cool to see Narcissa and Lucius as infertile, but you write it almost as if it's canon, so you're really making me believe what's going on. Very good start here!
SunnyStorms chapter 10 . 7/19/2013
If we didn't already know from canon that they'd all three be fine, this would've been a terribly tense chapter. It still was even with that knowledge. It was a good choice on your end I think to keep the pregnancy difficult down to the end and then some. Little things that did stick out to me this chapter though was again the unprofessionalism of the Healer who brought him the baby's bottle and also the fact that Draco's eyes were blue instead of the grey from canon. (Was that just a slip?)

/Wondering what it was about this baby that meant that so much destruction need accompany his introduction to the world./ -I found this line particularly memorable and it was a good segue into reflecting on the difficult journey for them in getting to this point, which made it all the more poignant that regardless, he couldn't help "but be in awe of the baby's beauty and perfection." I thought you captured particularly well a new parent's marvel at their newborn child. It made for a very heartwarming scene at the end, and I particularly liked how you closed it off with an emphatic list of what Lucius sees in his son which spoke of his potential in the future. Nicely done there.
SunnyStorms chapter 9 . 7/19/2013
/"Tell me Lucius- what do you fear more? The wrath of a child not yet born or the wrath of your true master?"
I would ask you the same thing./ -haha. I loved how Lucius took a jab at Voldemort's own fear here, however silently.

I forgot the bit about the thrice defied part of the prophecy so I was at first confused as to how Severus's statement defused the situation, but then I got that Voldemort was beginning to be suspicious that Narcissa's child was the child in question. I have to say though that I don't see Voldemort as the type to take -any- betrayal from within his circle, much less twice.

Minor Suggestions:
/The child due in the beginning of June/ -The child [is] due?

/He abruptly got to his feet, feet of his chair scraping angrily on the highly-polished wooden floor./ - 'feet' reads repetitively here, you could ax the second "feet of" and get the same meaning across.

I also liked the close relationship you've portrayed here between Severus and Lucius at the end. It's nice to see Snape showing concern for them. And it was sweet how Lucius was looking forward to seeing his wife.
SunnyStorms chapter 8 . 7/19/2013
So if Narcissa did take the Mark in this story here, then you are taking an AU approach there, since in canon she never did officially join the Death Eaters and got the Mark. Though I'm then curious as to why she wasn't reacting to the pain in the previous chapter from being summoned. It also makes the logistics of it in the context of war tricky - how will she be able to bear the pain during her pregnancy with all the constant summonings from the Dark Lord? In the context that she did join the cause, I quite liked her impassioned speech to Lucius here. It detailed very clearly why many purebloods would've been drawn to Voldemort's cause in the first place and then became trapped under his control, staying on his side out of fear even as they disagreed with the way things had devolved since then. I liked how you worked in Draco's namesake at the end as well. On the SpaG-side, I'd recommend looking this chapter over again as it was a bit rougher in terms of missing words, adjectives and adverbs mix-ups, and present tense verbs slipping into your past tense prose.
101 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »