|Reviews for Brown Eyes and Stalkerboy|
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/20
U have some tantrum girl. And this bella would get bitch slapped so many times in real life
| Fanatic22 chapter 21 . 12/23/2013
I've been reading all of your stories for two days and I love them. But I can't get with this Bella. I understand her life got fucked up bit she just can't be hitting everybody! Alice was taking up for her brother like any sister would so bella should have backed off seeing as she knew she was wrong in the first place! Then Edward is ditching his sister for her?!
But its just a story so I'm gonna keep reading.
| Guest chapter 11 . 11/23/2013
too much cussing...bella is not even sorry that she was late? what is he? her slave? i hate the story..unpublish it
| FreeCheeseSoup chapter 1 . 11/14/2013
"Do I look like a give a shit about charity?"
I was enjoying this scene, which had a good scenario unfolding, and the voyeur pov was fresh and keeping my interest.
And then I read that line. Hyperbole is written by authors who hope to ratchet up the action, but it always backfires, and deflates the tension, because it takes readers out of the story.
Yeah, I get that she's mad, but even if people don't like charity, they aren't stupid enough to scream it while on Bluetooth and causing a scene in a busy restaurant. Not even Courtney Love is dumb enough to say she doesn't support charity, or she hates the troops, or burns puppies for kindling ... In public, and she's a crackhead, not some 'business is my bitch' bitch. It's enough to paint this villain as haughty and bossy and self-righteous, but take it too far, and she's a clownish figure, and the dialogue veers into Mexican soap opera melodrama. Bring the conflict, sure: it is a great way to grab readers fickle attention, but always keep the dialogue realistic. Always.
And please don't insist any extremism can be supported because it really happened to you ... Once. Some where in the world,, right now, somebody is screaming that line, but that is exceptional ism, and writing should capture that relatable, the recognizable, even when veering into the weird and original. We have to believe it would happen, and that happens when the author positions an argument in the prose to make that suspension of disbelief remain intact, invisibly. This busy coffee shop, ordinary by any standards, and a good opening scene, but her characterization and setting can't support her self-damning words, is what I'm saying.
I saw a flying saucer and I made out with Rob, on the same day.
Could be true, because anything is possible. Those rules, however, don't apply to writing good fiction. Your lies are supposed to be convincing, oh writer, o-righty? Realism is not the same as first-hand accounts as told to the National Enquirer or on reality tv. Yeah?.
I do like this, btw, just giving you the nitty gritty, because you writing is fine, good even, but I can see you have some nouveau conceits that all emergent writers make. Who wants their words, their work, or their love to be good enough? Especially when it could be so much more.
| Guest chapter 14 . 10/28/2013
My date was horrible, it wound up a date rape. It doesn't get much worse than that.
| BELAVERA chapter 7 . 10/28/2013
I am old enough to say that "I love Elvis albums!"
| Guest chapter 31 . 10/14/2013
You know...I really enjoy reading your stories. You're funny and witty, and I thought it would be a blast to follow you on twitter. Unfortunately, all you do is bitch and moan about how horrible your life is, so I unfollowed you about 2 days after I started following you.
I'm writing this not to be a bitch, but just to let you know how probably all of your readers that followed you over to twitter feel. Everyone has bad days and need to vent occasionally, but my god, get some anti-depressants and chill the fuck out.
| thisblasphemy chapter 32 . 10/15/2013
Honestly, this ended way to abruptly for my tastes.
He asks her to move in and then BAN, next chapter is Epilogue and she's pregnant and they're married. I find the second part of the epilogue, I guess you could call it, okay because it is a look into the future but you also ended that with a cliffy, and there isn't any sort of sequel.
At times it's way overdramatic. Its like you're forcing the funny at times.
Otherwise, I enjoyed it. I read chapter to chapter throughout the day.
| miho33 chapter 14 . 10/6/2013
Let's see, worst date? Well, it was New Year's Day and my boyfriend of six months took me to a movie. And then dumped me. Complete with "It's not you, it's me". So that was fun.
| luv4jake chapter 31 . 10/5/2013
I loved it. Until next time.
| luv4jake chapter 30 . 10/5/2013
Too sweet and I like it. Until next time.
| luv4jake chapter 29 . 10/4/2013
Lol this is too much I love it. Until next time.
| luv4jake chapter 28 . 10/4/2013
Damn Bella really needs that anger management class for real lol. Until next time.
| luv4jake chapter 27 . 10/4/2013
Okay I didn't mess it yay. I enjoyed this chapter as always and I look forward to reading more soon. Until next time.
| luv4jake chapter 26 . 10/4/2013
Oh snap he knows her name. I missed it what happened? Until next time.