|Reviews for Once and Future|
| LaRieNGuBleR chapter 46 . 8/5
Nice job you did, Percy! (wince)
| oma13 chapter 46 . 7/29
Brilliant chapter! I love Percival in this story and I quite enjoyed his threat at the end. I was so glad that Percival did his best at the tournament and didn't throw the match. As I knew he would, Arthur took it in stride and acted as the gentlemen he is. Great story. Please update SOON!
| TN Sarah chapter 46 . 7/28
Great update can't wait for more
| hateme101 chapter 46 . 7/28
I love the threat at the end of this chapter
| xxxLeanniexxx chapter 46 . 7/28
I love Percival so very very much !
| xxxLeanniexxx chapter 45 . 7/21
This is absolutely brilliant!
Please update this !
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/11
Evelyn is a spoilt brat sometimes.
| scgirl-317 chapter 45 . 6/20
This is thoroughly fascinating! It's amazing how one little change can greatly alter events. I think you've written everyone well, accounting for the different way events unfolded. I look forward to seeing how this goes on!
| Lbates chapter 45 . 6/12
I am very much enjoying this story!
I look forward to more updates and soon, as I don't want to loose track of this story as I so often do when updates are very slow in coming as they have been in the past with this story.
| hateme101 chapter 45 . 5/28
love how arthur and morgana bonded
| Charles Ceaser chapter 45 . 5/28
| TN Sarah chapter 45 . 5/28
Great update, can't wait for more
Would love to see Merlin and Morgana work out their differences
| oma13 chapter 45 . 5/28
OMGaius! I was so glad to see this update! I love this story. What is Merlin ever going to do without Percival by his side? Well, I guess I could say that about Merlin and Arthur as well! ;-) Is Gwen not going to be the destined Queen? I think spoilt little Evelyn needs some sense and propriety knocked into her! Please update soon!
| DragonThetan chapter 12 . 5/23
Still enjoying your story very much!
The following is just info for your writings. The following sentence as it stands is incorrect, I'll explain more below.
"She had Morgana sat next to her, with Gwen assisting April and Hunith made sure they sat down to eat, as she did everyone else."
First of all I wouldn't use "had" it makes the sentence passive, instead of active. But if you insist, then "sat" needs to be changed to "sit." The word "had" is attempting to place the verb into the past tense, but the word "sat" is already in the past tense, so to keep "had," "sat" needs to be changed to the present tense of "sit." Making the sentence read as follows; "She had Morgana sit next to her with Gwen assisting April, and Hunith made sure they sat down to eat, as she did everyone else." If noted I also removed the comma between "...her, with..." Commas are used to separate phrases and to separate items in a list. They are sometimes (rarely) used to emphise something. I also added a comma in front of "and" in "...April, and..." because the and was used as a conjunction between the two sentences so it needed the comma added to separate the items in the list of Hunith's actions.
I hope all this helps with future writings. Stay strong, keep writing and good luck.
| DragonThetan chapter 9 . 5/23
I am enjoying your story, very much! But found some issues that need editing.
After having read your Bio I decided to post several reoccurring problems. Now since this story was started some time ago, it's possible the issues have been resolved in your newer writings but since I still find them here I'm writing to you now to point them out hoping this will help you in any future stories.
Mary was sat in a chair by Merlin's bed, sewing as she fixed a rip in one of his tunics.
Merlin was sat on the floor, moving big wooden blocks about, piling them up with a serious expression on his face.
In both of the examples above the word "was" should be removed, as it's not necessary. The word "sat" is already the past tense of "sit" and therefore does not need "was" to put it in the past tense. It is therefore redundant and makes the sentence awkward.
Merlin had shuffled closer, playing with his building blocks and the old, now very well chewed, carving.
Here again the word "shuffled" is already in the past tense of the verb "shuffle" and does not need the word "had" to put it into the past tense, nor to act as a verb. It should be removed as unnecessary. It also makes the sentence sound awkward.
Words such as "was, had, were, had been," are past tense passive verbs, words such as "is, are, be, have, have been" are present tense passive verbs and are not needed if there is already an active verb, whether present or past tense already in use within the sentence. Always leave out such words if you wish the sentence to be active and not passive. Active sentences are what is needed when writing action scenes.
You want to show your audience your story as much as possible verses telling the audience the story. A passive story is less interesting and is less likely to hold the interest of your reader for the long haul. Be as descriptive as possible without becoming wordy when describing anything in your story, be it time, place, people or actions. This is done by using active verbs and sparingly active adjectives.
The following is very awkward as written & passive; "Lottie had been digging one of the growing patches as she had looked up and seen her brother, with Merlin. She had gone running in to tell her parents that Percival had come home, if only temporarily." Possibly, try this active sentence instead, "Digging in one of the growing patches Lottie looked up and saw her brother with Merlin. She ran to tell her parents of Percival's return, even if only temporarily."
If you have any questions I can be found here through my login of DragonThetan.