|Reviews for Shin KoihimeMusō : Another Story|
| raveboys chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
update this fanfic please...
| DarkAap chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Nice setup, while Kazuto seems rather strong, this isn't always a bad thing. Koihime Musou was a rather interesting game, but its greatest weakness in my eyes was Kazuto. A rather weak guy that saves the world with the power of friendship and love... Which might be an acceptable storyline for the Powerpuff Girls, but doesn't fit with this kind of story. A confident and strong Kazuto would have made the story far more interesting. As long as you keep Kazuto strong, but not so strong as to destroy an entire army by himself, the story has potential. Although the teacher trusting Kazuto with a priceless weapon at the beginning did stretch belief a bit (acceptable but stretching it).
Your grammar could use some work, sometimes it even seems as though you have left out entire words. While there don't seem to be a lot (if any) misspelled words in the story, the sentence could be improved upon. For example:
-However, even with the two-man assault him Kazuto easily avoid them, if someone to see Kazuto now it will like someone who dacing around. Even so, Kazuto cannot help to be feeling excited, the thrill of battle that he always searching for now is in front of him.
-However, even with the two-man assault against him, Kazuto managed to avoid their attacks quite easily. If someone were to see Kazuto now, it would seem that Kazuto was gliding through their attacks, as if he were dancing. 'This is it! This is what has been missing my entire life!' The thrill of battle that he has always been searching for is now in front of him.
Of course this is just an example (which an experienced writer will no doubt be able to improve upon). You have the spirit to write and the main you can improve upon is the grammar, which you agree with on your profile, and can be improved with time.
One small thing. Juuchi Yosamu. It might be a personal annoyance, but AN notes and translations should be part of the story (these '()' rarely part of the story), or should be put at the end. Putting it behind the name twice is rather redundant and irritating.
Hope you continue to improve your grammar and continue with this story.
| Takai153 chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
Nice idea. I like the new Kazuto and look forward to seeing how this is going to play out. Keep up the good work and please update as soon as you can! Though I would prefer it to be FateZero: a Faker Story as it is still my favorite of your story's ;).
| Soulbow109 chapter 1 . 4/19/2012
Very interesting story. Hope u update soon can't wait to see how this change the story.
| dragun20 chapter 1 . 3/24/2012
i wonder which faction he joins and who will he be paired with
| Fangking2 chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
A rare Koihime fanifc. I am impressed.
Little rought, but it can improve over time. Not too long ago I finished reading Rantaid's Koihime fanfic. I fell in love with this game and was very...Very disappointed with the anime! You must continue this fic...I also plan to write a fic on this when I have a chance.
You have several flaws here and there, but don’t be discouraged. If making Kazuto too powerful and too wise in a problem, then make a good reason to. An overpowered character fics only gets bad if there are no reason for it, and honestly I thought Kazuto was too ball less.
You can make Kazuto a shindo(Once in a life time prodigy) in martial art or kendo. You can also make that Hongou clan was once a samurai clan many years back, so his family have drilled in the old ways from fighting to discipline into him.
This might make him a weaker version of Sasaki Kojuro from FSN. And also, the girls from the Koihime game are strong, but not FSN Servant strong. If Kojuro can fight off Saber with pure skills, then so can you.
You can improve your writing by focusing more on descriptions, details, and grammar. Your fight scenes need to be more work. I can help you with that because I got good head for fight scenes.
No giving up, because this idea is very good, only other Koihime fic I feel that worth my time is Rantaid’s Shin Koihime Mousou The Rises of Heroes and Sailor Enlil’s Koihina Musou. You should read them both if you never did.
| ImperiledBlue chapter 1 . 12/13/2011
Oh this will be good. Please Continue.
| Ranma Uzumaki chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
finally a Koihime muso fanfic that stars Kazuto other than a few spelling errors in very good please keep up the good work.
| kittybear chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
| KeyToTheTruth chapter 1 . 11/24/2011
Didn't you make him a little too strong and good at everything? If you want to make him good at fighting then try to toned down his wisdom a bit. And battle isn't very good too since you just write the action without detailed description. Sorry I can't convey it out well but for overall, just don't make him overpowered.