|Reviews for Texas Zombie Reporter: Head in the Sand|
| February28 chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
I really enjoyed this story! I like that you played in the same world as Newsflesh, but with different characters. This is totally believable, and all the details you added make it moreso. If I were to be picky (and let's face it, I am) the only thing I would point out is that for numbers less than ten, you "should" - according to the Great Rules of English - spell them out in words rather than using the numerals. Normally I wouldn't even notice, but your writing was so smooth that when you tossed in a number ("The 2 men," "about 7 miles")...it was jarring and interrupted the flow. I also think Jorgito's death was a little too glossed over...Kinda like the character in Blackout (no names in case you haven't finished it yet) and maybe a little more time could be spent on the reaction to how blase he was about the whole thing. (Jorgito was blase, not Rob.) However, I'm really impressed with your writing, and I'm definately hoping to read more!
| Tune4Toons chapter 1 . 3/11/2012
Not bad, not bad. This fandom is completely foreign to me, and that will probably influence this review. What you got seems pretty solid, and I can see where the zombies come in play immidiately. You're pacing is quite consistent in most parts of the story, and there weren't any grammar, spelling, or vocabulary errors as far as I'm concerned.
I think what I would first like to point out is the long dialogue that Karl had, or any long speech in general. The paragraphs themselves stand fine on their own, but there's much more to a speech than just "speaking". Inserting a few brief snippets of description would allow readers to be able to see, or even feel, how Karl was currently feeling as he was telling his tale. Did Karl's eyes cast down in gloom? What was Rob thinking as he was listening? Did Rob feel speechless during any point of hearing it? First person perspective is what allows readers to get into the character's head. And, having those bits of description can retain a reader's attention as well. Remember, this applies to any long chunk of dialogue that you have in any story.
["Wow. And after all that, you continue to live here?" I asked.] ["I bet the previous owners of those ostriches were kicking themselves," I stated.] ["Does your family still live here?" I asked.]
Your dialogue tags that come just after that long dialogue passage could also use some changing up. All three of these instances have tags that are unnecessary because the conversation has now reverted back to being between Rob and Karl. Have you heard of the expression "Actions speak louder than words"? Instead of tags, you could have some form of action, feeling, or thoughts. Like taking one of the snippets I pulled up, one of them could be written as:
[Peering subconsciously at the photos behind him, I couldn't help but beg the question, "Does your family still live here?"]
I may not really provide the best examples, but you can see what I mean.
This is just me being a nitpick here, but I feel there were instances where it would have been best to spell out the number rather than write the numeral. Like [I activated and tossed 2 new field cameras, drawing my trident and scanning the area.] could be [I activated and tossed two new field cameras, drawing my trident and scanning the area.] just for that visual reading flow.
I did enjoy myself as I was reading this. I wish you good luck with your writing endeavours!