|Reviews for Beyond the Sea|
| The OMG Cat chapter 5 . 9/5/2012
I NEED MOAR ! *drools over keyboard at epic story* your charecters are in, well, charecter, and the idea is unique! very well written, and beautiful discription XD
| Time Lord Ash chapter 5 . 6/2/2012
Sorry for the long gap between reviews but I've had a pretty dense workload to get trhough lately which hasn't left me with much free time. Apologies!
Anyway, to the matter at hand. I really enjoyed this chapter, even if you consider it to be just a bit of "filler". It's given we readers a chance to see a bit more of Ed's underwater world and to learn a bit more about mer-society. It's interesting to see that some things are just the same below the sea as they above it, such as a sort of class system and the existence of snobby, spoiled kids. I loved your comparison of Myranda to a shark and think that it was a god choice calling the chapter "Predator and Prey". Although it implies a somewhat more action-orientated series of events I think that it was a perfect, somewhat satirical title. Ed's resistance to Myranda especially brought a smile to my face; he's just like an ordinary boy receiving unwanted attention from an overbearing girl. Classic. You also did a good job of fleshing out the dynamic of Myranda and her followers with an alpha female and two followers hanging around the cool girl, that sounds about right to me. Oh and I liked your use of uncommon spellings of Ashli and Myranda by the way.
Another aspect of the chapter which I liked is that it gave you a chance to display more of your excellent descriptive skills, which are always a highlight.:) All your despriptions of the mer-people are excellent and well thought out, especially the detail that you've gone into to describe each character's individual patterns and qualities. The descriptions of how different colourations are valued in mer-society were also interesting in this regard.
I like some of the undersea versions of words and sayings that you've come up with in this chapter, especially Izumi's mention of "the seals and dolphins". That really made me chuckle; poor Ed. :) Also, I looked up Pilot Fish on Wikipedia and I can see why you used the term to describe Chloe and Ashli; yet another nice marine metaphor.
Oh and I couldn't help but notice a subtle bit of commentary on today's generation when Ed was dwelling on the thought that Myranda is too young to be chasing boys. Nice work, I whole-heartedly agree.
Finally the final part of the chapter seemed to add a nice connection to the FMA universe, not only through Ed's mention of Alchemy but theough Ed and Izumi's sparing. The sparing match at the end was cooland it was nice to see that it contained a lesson to be learned by Ed; a very Izumi thing to do. I think you've got a handle on her character very well, so congratulations. :)
All in all I think this was a very good chapter full of good character interaction and descriptive work. Myranda is a nice character to add to the story just for something a bit different and the interactions between her and Ed were a highlight for me. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see what happens next. :)
| The Suburban Coyote chapter 5 . 4/3/2012
. Please? BTW, mind if I do some pictures for this too? I really like the ones you put up. :)
| DeathBySugarCube chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
update soon please! _
| Mystery-shrouded S chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
Nice. This chapter was fun to read and it gave more insight to the merfolk's world.
Izumi sounds like any other mother when she's in the kitchen, trying to get the family to eat healthy but having it taste good. (Though, my mom doesn't really have to worry about that! :D) Oh, and Sig exists in this universe, right?
| Jay chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
I'm a fan of this story, but I'm worried about a few things.
Maybe it's because this chapter was filler, but the story doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I'm not sure if this is just a light-hearted fic, or if it's just a slow start.
Is Trisha going to die? Will there be angst? How much magic is there going to be?
I'm not sure. I want to have questions answered. Right now, Edward is simply a mer-boy who happened to meet a human when he wasn't supposed to be on land. The first two chapters had an air of mystery and plot, but now nothing is going on. I really might be judging too soon, right before a plot twist, s don't take this too seriously! C:
A more stylistic thing I've noticed is how you try so hard to give an image of what the new character looks like. I think it's because you have drawings of your characters. (Which are really good, by the way!)
I know you've created a specific image and want your readers to see it, but reading about every minute detail doesn't help much. A shorter version would be,
'The mer-girl's tail was a startling shade of fuscia, and her dark hair collected in floating locks.'
or something like that. :P
It may be helpful to a few people, but I'm not PERSONALLY looking for a full paragraph describing the specific colors and patterns of a person.
Again, don't take my thoughts too seriously. - I just thought I'd bring it up.
I'm waiting for the next chapter, and I know it's going to be good. Keep it up! C:
| Fluehatraya chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
Even if it's only filler, I liked this chapter. Ed's thoughts were amusing and I liked the further insight into merculture. Keep up the good work! :D
| DeathBySugarCube chapter 4 . 2/27/2012
loving this concept/idea/story!
cant wait to read the next chapter!
| Time Lord Ash chapter 4 . 2/23/2012
Firstly, apologies for taking so long to review this chapter but I've finally managed to get here.
I'm glad to see that Al didn't have to wait long to see Ed again and that Winry has now met the mysterious mer-boy. I can feel the same sense of friendship between the three of them as I felt when watching the anime. There was even a hint of a special bond between Winry and Ed which I thought was a nice touch.
The translation properties of mer-scales came as a bit of a shock to me but I'm glad you thought of a way to break through the language barrier. As much as I like the use of Esperanto in the story, it could be a bit tiresome having to constantly scroll down in order to translate. But of course I'll still be looking forward to any future Esperanto that's used. Of course I'm also left wondering how the scale works but I don't expect any lengthy explanations, esecially seeing as Ed probably doesn't even know how it works.
The descriptions of merperson physiology, especially that of their spines and how they're used to fight, was a brilliant addition to the chapter and I found it all rather enlightening. I can see that you've really put a lot of thought into how these merpeople function and bhave rather than just rely on standard mermaid archetypes, stereotypes and cliches. The description of the binary respiratory system was another highlight in this area, providing an explanation as to how mer-people can breathe both above and below water.
In summary this was another well written and thought out chapter that was informative and interesting. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. :)
| Mystery-shrouded S chapter 4 . 2/9/2012
Yay! Thanks for updating!
I thought that Winry's part played out very well. Pretty believable. (How else are you supposed to act when you find out that your best friend wasn't lying when he said he meet a merman?)
As for the language issue, thanks for doing that! It saves me the hassle of going back and forth between my current spot and the A/N. It's also a creative way to put the scale to use.
The conch idea was a sweet idea that I think Al would do for his mother. On the other hand, in my mind, conch 'Lord of the Flies' stupid symbols in English class *sigh* work. Anyways, that brings me to my next point: approximately, how big are Al's hands? Cause to me, that's not that big at all...
The mermaids' arm position for the fan thing is slightly confusing to me... Picture Time! XD Yay!
All in all, a very enjoyable chapter! Can't wait for the next one! ;)
| Fluehatraya chapter 4 . 2/9/2012
I like all of the new things that we learn about merpeople. Keep up the good work!
| Jay chapter 4 . 2/9/2012
I'm officially excited. :3
I think the scales and adding Winry to the mix were a good idea! I prefer characters dealing with learning a new language, usually, but I'm very happy that they can communicate.
As Ash already said, I love to hear about the differences between Merfolk and the surface world. The bi-lungs and such are all very interesting.
I'm both intrigued and sad to find out what will happen when Trisha dies. It'll be very interesting plot-wise, but the death is always sad.
I really hope you update again soon!
My last thought for this chapter? Izumi will kill Ed if she finds that ribbon. O_O
| Time Lord Ash chapter 3 . 1/5/2012
I think it's great that we've finally seen Ed's underwater world, as well as some other mer-folk. I was a little bit uneasy when i realised that Ed was going to be beaten when he got home, but when I realised that it was Izumi who'd be doing the beating I was somewhat relieved. I'm glad that Mer-Izumi seems pretty much the same as regular Izumi, although I'm curious to see whether she's sick or not. I'm curious to see what underwater alchemy is like and for that matter whether or not transmutaton circles are required or not. I imagine it would be difficult to draw a circle underwater unless it's engraved rather than drawn. It also makes me wonder whether ther'll be an underwater equivilant of the State Alchemist program.
Speaking of underwater difficulties, I was wondering how the mer-folk are able to talk underwater? Have their throats or voices evolved n a way that allows them to speak and hear underwater? Don't worry, that's not a criticism or anythhing, I was just wondering. I actually think you managed to create the mer-world quite nicely, so good job.
Moving on to the surface world, I actually felt sorry for Alphonse trying to convince Winry of the truth about Edward. That's why I'm glad that Ed made a suprise comeback at the end; talk about an awesome cliffhanger! I was worried that the two boys wouldn't see each other again for a few years so I'm glad that they've been renunited and I hope that Al, Ed and Winry can have some fun together before he has to leave again. I'll be waiting for the next chapter with more anticipation than usual!
Oh and on one final note, I want to say that I like the mer-people salute that you created. I'm definitely going to have to practice using it to finish of conversations. :)
All in all, it was am awesome chapter and I can't wait to read the next chapter.
| merichuel chapter 3 . 1/3/2012
Ohhh i like this! No little mermaid crap story! Yay!
And now winry knows, things are getting more and more interesting :D
what do merpeople eat! Plants? Raw fish?
I wonder if they can grow legs and wzlk on earth...
Really, i love this story, good job!
| Ducky chapter 3 . 1/1/2012
:) Another awesome chapter! :) Update soon please!