|Reviews for This time we do it right|
| Guest chapter 9 . 10/3
Doubt author checks but ch. 9 us a waste of 98 of their writing. Why a chapter if nothing worthwhile to the story is pointless dribble.
| coolhacker1025 chapter 16 . 7/29
This story was very good, and very well-written. I hadn't realised that you were Dutch (or any non-native English speaker) until I read your author's note a couple of chapters in and looked at your profile.
there were a couple of misspellings here and there, but overall, it was very good.
| maartenvervloet chapter 16 . 6/30
the Lucy is transported back in time idea sounds interesting
| Zharkhella chapter 16 . 6/23
This is an interesting take on the 'HP goes back in time' meme. Unfortunately, the story needs some grammatical editing and spelling checks. Often times a correctly spelled word is used in place of the intended word (past for passed, he for she, etc.) The later chapters show and improvement in the writing which is good.
I would suggest that if the author has time and inclination that they revisit this story and improve it.
Overall, I would say the story gets a rating of 6 out 10 (mainly due to the aforementioned editing issues).
| Guest chapter 15 . 6/20
that scene would have been lmao
| chronos136 chapter 16 . 6/18
really hoping for a spread out conflict with dumbles but this was still really awesome. I love the idea
| DylanL chapter 16 . 6/7
interesting tale. it does make you wonder though how the other muggle world super powers like the United States didnt think it weird when 40% of the population of a large nation just died in the span of 8 years. i mean i know the ICW place britian in quarantine but how did they explain it to the muggles? the heads of countries would be told the real cause but there are a lot of people that would want to help some how. i got to thinking about that when you mentioned Senator Palpatine, which makes no sense because there wouldnt be new muggle movies in britian once voldemort took over and palpatine wasnt revealed as the sith lord until episode 3 which came out in 2005, a year after they went back in time.
anyways i think you should have someone go through this thoroughly and find the minor errors, there were several places in each chapter where a word was missing completely and of course all the spelling and syntax errors that i had mentioned previously as well as the ones i didnt bother mentioning as there was at least a couple in each chapter.
it was an interesting story and an interesting way to portray time travel, just a little hard at times for me to read because those errors effect the flow of the story for me
| DylanL chapter 14 . 6/7
christmas was actually on a sunday in 1994. you really need to check on dates if you are going to put days of the week with them
| DylanL chapter 5 . 6/5
wait, the paper harry put in for daphne was from an essay from third year so would say greengrass, so it is not possible for the goblet to chose daphne potter and as the name change is legal i doubt it would allow the contract to be magically binding since it is under a different name
ok more errors in this chapter. you used 'exploitation' instead of 'explanation' when daphne was telling harry about the letter box, among others
there are also several times when it is a single letter that changed the word like 'change' instead of 'chance' if there are more errors like that i will have to stop reading as it get difficult to read when you are trying to figure out what you really mean. especially since this already suppossedly went through a rewrite
also want to point out, october 31st 1994 is a monday so they would have had charms and transfiguration.
| DylanL chapter 3 . 6/5
there have been several spots in this chapter alone where you have used an incorrect word. for instance you used 'utility' when talking about the blood quill in gringotts (spelling it quell which is also a wrong word as that means to calm or stop something like an angry riot) instead of 'utensil' and 'compensated' instead of 'composed' when lucy asked her mom why she was sad when they got to greengrass manor, and 'heavenly' instead of 'heavily' when talking about how frowned upon time travel is when the potters met with amelia bones. you have also used 'dead' instead of 'death' which really makes some sentences hard to read like when amelia asks what happened after her dead.
generally a rewrite would entail actually reading what is written to make sure mistakes like those were caught.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 16 . 4/30
Lily's sacrifice that beat Tom.
DUMBLEDORE is the Dark Lord that Harry is prophesied to defeat.
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/16
Yer spelun iz attroshus!
| PoseidonPrince chapter 16 . 2/26
| tricorvus chapter 15 . 2/15
I hope this review gets through. This is a marvelous story, love the omake in this chapter! I recognized something familiar about how you write. Went to your bio and saw you're from the Netherlands. :D my dad's family came from Belgium, so you write damn well for not being a native speaker of English.
| ro781727 chapter 2 . 1/7
Moody turned Malfoy into a ferret BEFORE the other schools arrived, so yes it has already happened (the book version is more trustworthy than the movie version).