|Reviews for You and Me|
| confusednikki24-7 chapter 9 . 4/3/2012
awww great story so far! please update soon!
| Pessimistic Romanticist chapter 9 . 3/16/2012
I enjoyed this. Pan am had lots of potential,but according to my sources it wont have a season two, guess thats what ff is for. Again great story.
| MK chapter 9 . 2/24/2012
beautiful chapter! I do hope they work things out. Can't wait for more :)
| Isabel152X chapter 8 . 2/13/2012
Nooo that was cruel! Why did it ended it there?
Another chapter ASAP!
| Steve Hoover chapter 8 . 1/1/2012
Since you are doing 2 things at once, continuing a story AND describing the flight with this first sentence, it would have sounded better like this: 'As the Clipper Majestic soared into the skies above Paris for its return flight to New York, everything indicated the flight home would be smooth, with the exception of some gathering storm clouds close...'.
When Dean is talking about the weather, it would sound better like 'Should be a smooth trip WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF a little...
Ted talking about the bartender, a comma after certain, 'I'm not certain, but...'. Remember, you gotta give the reader that little pause.
When Dean is talking to Ted, you shouldn't have used 'them'. You are talking about 1 person who's gender is questionable. Here I think it's safe to use the word 'it' albeit loosely.
Dean talking to Colette about the girls, "So, do you think..." Remember, commas put in the right places add to yer writing.
When Colette is talking to Dean: 'I've been through the romance mill many times.' The way you have it, it reads like you could just take Colette to the mill and have yer way with her. If you put a word, here I put 'romance' before mill to describe what kind of mill she is talking about.
When Dean is walking through the gate area, you should've put it like this: ...and saw Colette standing by the front desk, waving at him. There's no need to use the word 'and' here. Instead, another well-placed comma adds a dynamic to yer work.
OK, so here I am going to simply rewrite this bit in a way that seems easier to read: 'When she heard that name, Colette's cheery facial expression began to fade. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach and struggled to comprehend with what seemed to be unfolding in front of her. A look of concern had crept over her face. Dean had noticed the change in her.' Read what you have compared to this. You should see a difference.
When Colette responds to Dean after walking out, you have the words in the wrong order. Tripping over words as the reader reads them, sort of. Instead, you could have worded it like 'Quickly turning back...' or 'Turning back quickly...'.
Once again, this is just constructive criticism to help you become a well-rounded writer. Remember, commas can add a nice dynamic to the reading process for the reader, giving them a little pause to their reading. Commas do have a drawback though. You may feel the need to use them alot when you really don't have to.
| Steve Hoover chapter 7 . 12/29/2011
The hotel lobby and lounge WERE bustling. Use 'were' when you are talking about more than one place, such as here.
coming to Paris WAS certainly... use was here because you are talking about a singular group.
When Kate starts talking about the requests, separate each one with "" and a question mark. Might seem cluttered, but it looks better to the reader.
When Laura is talking about the service side, try adding 'so' between 'how' and 'many. Also, try using the word 'of' between 'advantage' and 'the'. Smooth flowing words off the tongue, remember that.
When Colette is thinking about her alibi, try using something like this. She decided on using THE "Meeting an old friend"...Use 'the' to signify that you are talking about a singular object and quotes around said object(her excuse)
When Dean answers Colette, Separate 'Absolutely' with a punctuation mark, depending on his mood. Exclamation point if he's excited, period if he's playing it cool, ya know? Also, capitalize 'how' and it would sound better if he said 'How are we going to do this?' Fluidity of the words will make a difference how the reader reads the words.
Once again, just constructive criticism. Helpful little bits of info to help you become a better writer.
| xhookswenchx chapter 6 . 12/23/2011
Loving it! And, "Straighten up and fly right" is something my dad used to tell me when I acted up as a kid. It brought a memorable smile to my face. Because I LITERALLY straightened up and stood stiff as a board! My uncle tends to remind me of this every time I scold my own daughter! So yes, another beautiful chapter and thanks for the memories!
| NuggetMill chapter 6 . 12/22/2011
I love this story! Can't wait to see what happens next! Please update soon.
| Steve Hoover chapter 6 . 12/18/2011
Wonderful! I really like the direction that you are taking this story. I am happy to see that my advice is paying off for you as a writer. One thing though: The line near the end where Dean is talking to Laura, It would have sounded better if it went something like this...Dean replied "Good point. Seriously though, I'm sorry that..." Try reading it with those words added. Remember, it's all about making the words flow smoothly for the reader. Constructive criticism is all I'm offering, you know this.
| Steve Hoover chapter 5 . 12/13/2011
Ok. First off, I gotta say I love this story. You keep continuing with this story the way it's going. I know you said you like criticism, so here we go my friend, lol.
When Dean is talking about Maggie catching on, "The kid is quick. As for the others, well, (if you add the comma after 'well' it helps to separate the sentence, allows the reader a brief pause in reading instead of having it run continuous)at all depends...
When Colette is thinking about what Dean had said about hiding their feelings at work "...but as Dean HAD mentioned, this seemed...(once again, a well placed comma at just the right place, as in this case a comma put after mentioned, allows the reader a brief pause and since she was thinking about something that was in the past, using the word HAD after Dean's name makes it sound smoother. Read it like I wrote it here and see.
When you described Ms. Havemeyer's determination, Try reading it like this instead: "With fanatic determination" or "With fanatic-like determination" When you use "fanatical-like", it almost sounds redundant, not sounding smooth.
When Maggie describes Paris, this is the way to describe any city if it has a "description" like Paris does. Here it is "The City of Love" or you could do it like ' the "City of Love". Either one sounds good, just got to capitalize the right letters in the description.
When Colette is looking at the paper, which I take it is talking about something with the government, you should have written it with the word 'the', like this: Colette could only imagine what all the "don't trust THE government" rhetoric...
Remember, my friend. This is only constructive criticism. Offering helpful tips to you to help make you better writer is all I am doing. Hell, I couldn't do this, writing fan fiction. But I can offer tips, such as here, to help you be the best writer YOU can be.
| hedwig chapter 5 . 12/12/2011
Ok, this is soooo fun to read! One thing: too much French speaking and it becomes less characteristic and a bit overdone...really though, nice work:)
| Steve Hoover chapter 4 . 12/4/2011
Excellent. Love how your progressing this story. Two things I would like to 'critique' here. When you talk about her dream of flying, you should've added the word 'so'. (...she'd had for SO long.) That makes it finish the sentence better. Also, when you talk about Colette's thoughts near the end, The sentence would've sounded better starting off something like... "She also thought about what this trip COULD mean...". It makes the sentence sound more grammatically correct. Just some helpful suggestions I'm giving to further encourage you to continue writing.
| flyingmonkey98 chapter 4 . 12/4/2011
THIS IS AMAZING! i've flown small planes and had a few lessons AND colette is my favorite character soooo this is PERFECT! you capture the characters really well, and this story is so BELIEVABLE! i actually think this would make the perfect setting for 1.09! please update ASAP!
| xhookswenchx chapter 3 . 12/3/2011
Still loving this! They are so adorable :)
| Steve Hoover chapter 3 . 12/3/2011
This is getting good! I'm really enjoying this story. Post more asap!