|Reviews for The Magic goes away|
| Plot Bull chapter 8 . 11/10/2017
You have something here. It might be just throwaway lines and embryonicly terminated ideas, but the basis of a good story is here.
While you do blatantly favour some characters, that positive energy is wasted by not attaining any milestones of the narrative as a whole.
Each character's "arc" should read like a stand alone story; the denizens of the Hinata suddenly facing the consequences of their vices and behavior, alcoholism, domestic violence, sexism, psychopathy, etc.
Readers love to read about horrible people making the change to become better people over time. It makes them feel more empowered and overall just better about themselves. Sure, watching a horrible little women fall victim to the call of alcohol is satisfying for all of maybe two seconds; than you wonder what the hell is wrong with yourself, and find some other gateway to happiness that doesn't involve watching the homeless freeze to death.
Love Hina reminds me of my early childhood so much; sad that it came from a time before youtube, facebook, Reddit or whatever people use now. It's fan base never got it together. Newer trends in FF would suit it nicely.
Hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving, wherever you live. It's always an excellent excuse to eat an entire turkey, regardless.
| James Birdsong chapter 8 . 12/14/2015
Excellent story of course thus far
| Meech Macko chapter 8 . 10/21/2015
I guess Motoko is finally understanding that her past observations were lacking and that she did unjustly attack him causing dishonor many times. Yet, she still vainly tries to get some excuse to show her elders.
Doesn't Motoko write novels that are close to being called perverted?
Are the elders even aware that Motoko has black and white view on what is perverted and not? Plus they should be knowing that Motoko has an unjust prejudice against males with her self imposed narrow views. They elders also should know that another elder Granny Hina did knowingly set Keitaro in an all girls dorm.
| Meech Macko chapter 7 . 10/21/2015
Even with Mutsumi not having any fainting spells...she still has ditzy goals with Keitaro.
Why again is Naru trying to make it look like its Keitaro's fault and make him out to be the bad guy, whe she in her own twisted way loves him? or at least she keeps telling herself.
Keitaro has proven himself to be a true masochist! I cant comprehend what he sees in Naru other than beauty!
Mitsune seems more likely to drown herself in alcohol and live an empty life.
| Meech Macko chapter 6 . 10/21/2015
Naru's parents would be notified of this new...development. They'd know that their daughter has issues.
Motoko needs to simply reevaluate her views. I had always wondered why she hated men? I am guessing its her sheltered upbringing in very traditional manner or that some man has stolen her elder sisters attention.
| Meech Macko chapter 5 . 10/21/2015
Personally I like Mot/kei pairup...primarily coz she is the only sensible girl. She did mellow out in the manga faster than Naru and become less violent. Naru is more violent than Motoko. Most her sword attacks in manga just blow him out and never those sword meets flesh strikes.
The others are too underage...like Shinobu and Su. Mitsune is simply too much of super slob to be in a serious relationship and Mutsumi faints all the time.
Motoko's wont have a viable proof to even convince the elders as Keitaro was just dumped there by his grandma who knows whats "best for him and the girls".
| Meech Macko chapter 4 . 10/21/2015
So, Motoko still claims Keitaro is a pervert?!
How can she ever make a fair judgement as she is simply a prejudiced man hater? How can her clan be sure if her so called observation is already sub par...there is no proof!
| Meech Macko chapter 3 . 10/21/2015
Heh! Motoko just shamed her family...that's a lot of dishonour she did.
But how can a bokken (wooden sword) cut through flesh?
| MegaDarkly chapter 1 . 10/17/2015
This is great. I wonder why I've never seen this before. I'm glad that you updated. This is an intersting take on the series. Also, I noticed that you have health issues. I hope that you get better and carry on. Youre a good storyteller.
| Sweet Tooth 17 chapter 8 . 10/11/2015
Finally, a fan fic that is very realistic! I love it! I hope there will be more chapters soon!
| Major Mike Powell III chapter 8 . 10/9/2015
Well, well, soldier...
First off: hang in there, man. You'll be fine. You've been through worse and you've tanked it all. You'll be fine, my friend. :3
Now, as for this chapter...(Whistles) Granted, not a lot happens in this chapter, yet there's still a sense of wonder and bitterness.
For instance, I adore Mutsumi finally taking the initiative to woo the man that's rightfully hers. :3 Shinobu...well, she's being Shinobu. But still, no matter how close you let her get to Keitaro, my vote will always go for Mutsumi to tag'n bag him. :3
Kitsune...well, she had this all coming. 'Nuff said.
Then, Motoko...Of course, Motoko. (Rolls Eyes) She keeps on stalking the Hell out of the man she's supposed to "protect", scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel to find evidence of Keitaro being the pervert that she and Narusegawa always accused and hammered him for being.
Then, there's also the implications of human conditioning in the dreadful sense of Keitaro being unaccostumed to seeing Narusegawa everywhere he looked. That stuff is disturbing and messed up any way you look at it.
At least now that Narusegawa is out of the whole picture, despite her "confession" when she finally beat it and left Hinata Inn, things are definitely looking up for Keitaro. :3
Good work so far, my friend! Take care of yourself, stay sharp, stay safe. :3
Update ASAP! That's an order!
Semper-Fi! Carry on!
| Officer Hotpants chapter 8 . 10/4/2015
Wow. This story just sort of drifts in and out like an entertaining tide. I remember reading the first few episodes years ago.
| CosmicBeing chapter 8 . 10/1/2015
Well I, and I'm sure many more, were wondering where you disappeared too. Can't say I understand what you're going through cause I never had a stroke myself but I know it's pretty damn bad and I wish for the best of you man.
Oh and the sudden problems with your kidneys and low blood count may show that they could be diseased.
I'd check a medical dictionary online to get the details, that's what I did to find out my feet swelling.
| Y-PenDraig chapter 8 . 10/1/2015
Hey this is real good. Keep up the good work.
Hope you get better soon.
| Lord Asmodeus chapter 5 . 10/1/2015
Well, reading this does put everything into perspective, all I can saying is bloody Feminists. Talk about double standards for everything.