Reviews for As If
jtsos413 chapter 24 . 1/8
Gosh. Another one of your stories that I couldn't stop reading. This was kind of incredible. I hope you write. Like for life. I love the stories you develop.
fayevalcntine chapter 24 . 11/27/2017
Alright, so! I promised you that I'd read this fic next since I've steadily been going through your multi-chapter ones, and this definitely deserved its spot. Here's my usual list of noticeable things for me throughout this fic (that I liked and that I feel like I should note on):
The opening was definitely an interesting intro to this story. I definitely liked how you showed the inner conflict in both Jess and Rory at this sudden development, as well as their last encounter still having a lingering presence between the both of them, so much that they hadn't actually talked in general until this event. The idea of Jess seeking solitude somewhere beyond the US and away from Rory is interesting as an idea, and I feel like you dived into creating it very well. His still present feelings of anger and resentment at Rory for what she did weren't too overshown, but just the right amount that would seem in character for Jess. I really liked the movie night they decided to have before he left as well.
The letter thing was also another thing I liked a lot. I loved the idea of Rory becoming more and more obsessed with reaching Jess and talking to him only after he decided to leave the country. It felt pretty typical of her, but I'm referring to this in a more humorous tone. I also liked how you had him call her after she stopped writing, and somehow felt angry over the idea of her stopping even though he didn't reply. Their conversations over books they read was really sweet and a nice step forward for them.
The wedding ceremony and just the whole surrounding of Stars Hollow in this fic felt pretty much the way that Stars Hollow as a place would feel: very saccharine, almost too much, and just very sunny and bright and fun. At least for the first chapters, that is. I did like Jess and Rory spending time with each other and just having these sweet small moments just between them. It really felt like a realistic binding of an old friendship again, as well as the undercurrent of old feelings resurfacing. That panic moment with Lorelai was definitely frightening, I was almost sure you'd actually take a very sudden turn and give her a terminal illness, but I was very glad that I was wrong.
I really loved Jess and how he tried to comfort Rory and just be there for her and for Luke in this moment. He sincerely cares about them a lot, and he knows how close they are to Lorelai and how much she means to them. Also loved the fun humor you wrote in with her during this period, as well as her fussing over Jess and Rory and what could happen between them.
Lane was such a great addition to the first half of this fic, I sincerely enjoyed all her dialogue with Rory and just her character being in this. Her and Rory recapping the latter's love life was a fun read, as well as all the nicknames she thought up for Jess and how she seemed excited over the idea of them getting back together. I also loved her comforting Rory later on when she freaked out over the sex part, that particular bit was nice and at the same time hilarious. It was good to see her still be herself despite all the responsibility she had as a mother. Oh, and the confetti bit was a joy to think about.
The kiss between them was a very surprising moment, but one that I really loved and I liked the idea of Rory making the first move here and being sincere and more upfront about it. Also her telling Lorelai that she's interested in kissing Jess more.
The lanterns bit actually made me laugh, because I just knew the whole spectacle was too sincere to be true for the SH residents.
I liked the conversation Lorelai and Luke had, particularly about Jess and how she worries that he has the influence to get Rory to come with him, should he leave again. That felt more understandable and well-explained to me than most of her weird hatred towards him throughout the series. (on that note, I'm glad that's not a recurring thing here)
Jess paying the mortgage for Liz was a really sad moment, primarily because of his complicated feelings regarding her and their history. I think that despite everything, he does want her to be ok, but he also can't ever really let himself be comfortable around her, which is pretty understandable. The flashbacks that you wrote in later on was heartbreaking, but also kind of needed for more context regarding how turbulent Jess's childhood/adolescence was with her, and how in comparison to more responsible parents, or even to Luke, who cared and tried to help him, it can come off in a very negative way. I always hate reading these kinds of bits but at the same time I would like to see more of what we weren't really given in the series with Jess and his past, so I definitely loved those moments for giving me that.
The apartment scene in particular where Jess can't stay in it because of too many memories was also very heartbreaking.
The fountain scene was a definite turning point, at least it was very significant for the both of them and for their relationship having a better chance. I like how you wrote Rory's introspection and her feelings regarding that Truncheon moment, on her then realizing that her and Jess could never really be friends, on feeling guilty for it, and feeling like there would always be a part of her that was for him, and that felt for him still. I also appreciate Jess sticking around after that, and especially the line "you were never alone in this".
One general thing I have to note on is how I love how you divided your chapters and how between each, there is a specific period of time that has passed. You've also done this for Adverse Events of course, but I really love how you divided the scenes here, and how you put in significant moments but also very cute and "insignificant" ones between them. I loved chapter 11 focusing on them possibly having sex and Rory feeling nervous about it. As well as the kind of funny way in which that happens later on in the same one.
The birthday scene was very intense, incredibly emotionally packed and your writing definitely didn't spare one bit of that. Instead, it weighted very much when being read, and I feel like you brought out Jess being traumatized/haunted by those memories very well. I loved the scene he and Doula had! I loved Doula's attitude, and how she decided to handle Jess upfront for making Rory cry. It really felt like a great scene between them, and I just love how Doula's stubbornness got to Jess.
The part with Rory thinking that Jess would leave again was daunting to read. It was a pretty heavy conflict, one that of course has its own weight from their history, and one that spanned for a longer period in several chapters. I pretty much loved everything about it, tbh. In fact it's the big thing that kind of just sold this fic to me, it made it seem so real and amazing and complicated; this being longer and spanning several chapters definitely helped to cement that feeling for me. Everything from Lorelai's opinion, to Rory's reaction, to Jess's discontent, it all spoke volumes for me and felt incredibly in character. I definitely applaud you for how you handled that.
I also love the moment where Rory's just hellbent on following Jess wherever he would go, that in particular was such a sweet and amazing moment for me. I love you for including that.
The subplot about Jess and his workload was also really good, even though he really struggled throughout that period of time with the bank's limits and multiple jobs, as well as his script being rejected, it felt real and it was interesting to read, even though Jess was in pain over it. I really did like the character of Whitman, and how Jess just sort of grew on her, even though he kind of did hold her hostage for just reading a part of his manuscript.
The proposal scene of sorts was the sweetest most intimate scene, and I loved that one as well. It was just the right amount of dramatic reveal that was needed here.
Ok, so for this specific (kind of third part of the fic), I'm going to have to be honest about the certain events that take place throughout. Namely on Aarif, and all the turbulent scenes that follow, as well as just this specific storyline.

First, on Aarif's character. Aarif in the flashbacks was very interesting and compelling. Despite the lack of focus and small amount of lines (as well as scenes), up until chapter 18 Aarif was interesting. You definitely gave him character, and he wasn't just a plot device for Jess throughout his time in Pakistan. The one specific thing I have a problem with once Aarif shows up, is how much his character just becomes an opening for a devastating event to me, which I consider a problem primarily because his role is pretty built up in the first 2 chapters, only to have him just show up and then die in the second 2. All in all, we only see Aarif as a character in the present for 4 chapters out of 24, even though the buildup you had in the three chapters that he's in alive, is just a great amount that kind of feels like it crashes down all in one minute.
You have this character be a military persona, you have him be secretly on a mission while he first met Jess, and then you have him research a fake news website that is likely to be the source for these disconcerting events in the Middle East. You also have him ask Jess of all people, to try and help him take down this site, that's apparently a part of a big weapons company, and out of all that...he just dies. He also dies in an event that's only given in several sentences as a flashback, he doesn't die right in the middle of a scene that has that event unfold.
It's just that, out of a character that you build up so much throughout this fic, right from the second chapter, it feels like a disservice to him. He feels like he becomes more of a plot device for the introduction and later on, insertion of this very devastating event for Jess and Rory losing their baby, rather than a character of his own. Because everything that he does, all of his actions are viewed more from other people's perspectives than his own, and it all goes by so fast that in the end he doesn't even feel all that relevant anymore.

Another big problem I had with was the whole "weapons company" storyline and how it was built up in 3 chapters, only to have it all but disappear later on. It just felt like it was there for the sole reason of having Rory lose her baby. And don't get me wrong, I'm not against tragic events happening in fics, it's just that this specific storyline felt so much bigger than it actually amounted to be. Especially when you had Aarif ask Jess for his help in what could be an actual mission meant for military people and spies, and in taking down a big company and stopping further problems and attacks in the Middle East. All of that was hinted in the first chapters but none of it happened. Instead, we were given Rory and Jess and losing their baby. It just felt like the plot shifted too fast from one thing to another and the first plot was just forgotten later on. It was like it never actually happened. I feel like if you wanted to include a very devastating scene where Rory lost her baby, you could've done it in a way that didn't include a whole other storyline. And yes, in a way it was pretty surprising considering how we went from one thing to another, but it also feels like it cheapens the first plotline as well as Aarif and what he meant.

The one thing that I definitely did love at the end of this fic was how you handled Rory's grief and self-blame, as well as her and Jess grieving and feeling broken, to tentatively taking time apart and then to slowly mending their relationship. I especially loved the idea of Rory seeking to find Jess after he stops calling her, even though she never answered his calls (a very good callback to how Jess didn't answer her emails while he was away). I really did love how you had that last chapter so far come to a close like that.

Despite my lengthy commentary on Aarif and his storyline, I really did enjoy this fic. You really do have a talent for writing Rory and Jess, and having them be dramatic without overdoing it on the drama and still keeping them in character. You know how to write conflict between them in a real, honest way, and that still shows in this fic.
N chapter 24 . 12/22/2016
How have I not read this incredible, beautiful story until now? I *adore* this. You've got such a refreshing take on Literati reunions. I also love the idea of Jess in Pakistan, the way you've integrated the culture into the story. I really, really hope you come back and update soon. You're a wonderful writer x
Don Draper's Bitch chapter 2 . 12/17/2016
Aww that freak out on the phone was kind of funny and do very Rory. I am really enjoying the ease and natural flow of their conversations which you keep in character but still make yours (the voice that is), great work.
Don Draper's Bitch chapter 1 . 12/5/2016
I enjoy your writing. It sometimes feels clustered and spread out but in the best of ways. I like being in the characters head and thoughts but at the same time not.
Guest chapter 24 . 7/1/2015
Incredible story! Read the entire story today and have loved it. You write so beautifully. Please continue!
KEMLEM81 chapter 24 . 6/27/2015
What a story! I only just started reading this yesterday and am pleased to know you're still continuing it. You're writing style is fantastic and you've brought me to tears several times now. I look forward to continuing to follow this story and see where you take it from here.
Guest chapter 23 . 4/15/2015
Hi, this plot has seriously surprised me. please continue!
Tina0609 chapter 23 . 4/11/2015
Hi!
I just found your stoy and really really hope you continue it some time...maybe? Mostly because I love it and love how you wrote those characters and the drama. An well, as you wrote in your A/N, I want them to be together and since the last chapters were so well written I don't want to ignore them to get my happy ending ;)
So please, keep going!
fsugrad05 chapter 23 . 1/21/2015
Love this story, so different from anything I've read on here. Please finish!
ekwibbels chapter 23 . 11/21/2014
Wish the chapter was a little longer and was a little meatier. But I'm glad glad they're where they are
ZA ZA zoom chapter 23 . 11/21/2014
I bloody love this story. So happy you updated.
ZA ZA zoom chapter 22 . 6/2/2014
Please make them be happy together again. Its such a shame for the both of them that they are not. Please don't make them get a divorce.
ZA ZA zoom chapter 21 . 5/29/2014
Hopefully your next chapter is as good as this one.
Melissamax22 chapter 21 . 3/12/2014
Update soon
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