|Reviews for Halloween|
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/3
Can you make a sequel to this
| onne chapter 1 . 6/26/2013
Oh my God.
| nindo chapter 1 . 6/15/2013
that was very suspensfull. especially the ending. it was a little hard to understand sometimes who was talking at certain times. other than that it was an awesome story. good job.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
I shit myself. Thank you very much
| nintendosegasonyguy chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
It wasn't terrible, but I admit, there really wasn't too much to it. Little is redeeming.
The introduction is horrendous. If it were ominous, in that it would kind of foreshadow what would happen later in this one-shot, then Mike's dream would've been necessary and made sense. But it really didn't, not even at the ambiguous ending. And why did he have the dream in the first place? It was kind of random, wasn't it?
McCain disappears almost immediately. He doesn't even get to say much of anything because Paulo kept interrupting him, and when they just leave him in the gym...He shouldn't have even been in the story, really. I like the fact that he is technically a part of it, since he's really not that apparent in fanfics, but still. How the hell do they even manage to just abandon him? With Abbey and David, it makes a bit more sense, but then Paulo's disappearance is also very stupid. He is standing right next to Mike when the bell rings. Really, shouldn't they have been holding onto each other and hugging the wall, similar to what Abbey has first suggested and how they were doing just before David disappears? Fuck, why didn't Mike react to the loud noise of the bell? He has very sensitive hearing!
The writing style is very, very distorted. It's the boys' immediate actions following a rather strange and mysterious event. Sadly, unlike works such as "The Blair Witch Project" or "Lord of the Flies", the lack of descriptions and the chaotic ambiance does not work in this story's favor. We never know why they were in the gym in the first place, or who drugged their milk (by the way, what kind of party serves MILK as a drink? It is because they're cats?), or what Mike's dream was about, or anything.
The ending is awful. So it was Rachel who was doing everything all along? Okay, fair enough, but how was she sneaking off in all these rooms and taking them all one by one? How was she beating them all to each room? How did she get them all into the same room so that she could do her way with all of them? Abbey was nowhere to be found when he disappeared, even though the room he was in had all the exits sealed off. How did the lights keep turning on and off, despite the initial explosion which is presumably a fuse-box going out? How did Rachel keep turning them off and on despite this, or hell, was she even the one screwing around with the lights in the first place? Did she really not think anything was suspicious or uncanny while she was going around taking all of the boys, despite the banging noises in the hallways? Then if Rachel was all alone, then who was chasing Mike at the end, and if Rachel was controlling the lights the whole time, then how did this mysterious figure turn off the lights one last time? You end things off WAY TOO FRANTICALLY. Mike should've been way more freaked out, and he should have been screaming prying questions at Rachel.
Despite the narrative drive collapsing at certain parts in the story, you still managed to build up a good amount of suspense. Not terrible, but below average.
| Hinochi chapter 1 . 12/8/2011
It's not that bad.
| BruteOfHell chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
Haha! Fucking loved it, and the ending was grand.