SO BEAUTIFUL AND ROMANTIC *SOOB* i was actually crying i love theis chapter so much!

wow...just...wow
you just broke my heart i wanted in this one for discord to win!
well... i guess you vcan't have everything in life *sigh*
nice one tho ;)

why was this one so short i loked it but why?

AWWWW! SOOO CUTE! LOVE IT! keep writing stuff like this iit's great!
DISLESTIA SHIPPER GONE WILD!

OMG! OMG! OMG! i can't belive the spell is permanent!
i hope the can stay in love and get married and have two foals and...and oops hehe anyway
i just hope discord turns good and marrys celestia! i can't wait to see what happens next!

the chapter was great i just wish celestia and luna talked more.
and all dislestia shippers who read this probably love it even tho it's a love potion
i still love how discord acts like it's real!

The heck is wrong with discord

How do we find it? I'm DAMN DESPERATE.

wow i wanna see a secual to this meavie one about ther kids

where did kaa and hiss come from?

omg omg omg omg omg I luf it

This is nicely written, but for future reference:
You keep switching from past tense to filtered tense to present tense
Also, Kaa and Hiss are from "The Jungle Book" and "Robin Hood", right?

Oh, something I learned only last summer: Page breaks are often necessary to help distinguish between scenes. In Chapter 6, well:

“That’s it!”

-

Meanwhile, Celestia was busy trying…

Ch. 2: …with Spike and her pack on her back…

-

They had to overcome the chaotic obstacles…

(Incidentally, what good would kicking back clouds do if they’re made of cotton candy?)

Ch. 7: “We have to hurry,” Luna said…

“That’s fine, Princess,” Luna said to her… Wait, Luna is talking to herself? Do you mean Twilight?

Moreover, is there any reason the story itself should refer to Discord as a demon? The others’ dialogue I understand, given their impression of him so far. Referring to himself as a demon sounds in-character (he really IS pitiful as a villain). But non-dialogue? ‘Demon’ sounds too strong, and I imagine using ‘draconequus’ and ‘mishmash entity’ could get tiresome. How about…’mutant’? Hmmm…

But my greatest issue lies with Chapter 8. Keeping in mind that I’m still trying to learn the difference between ripoff and parody at this point, I felt it copied that scene from Aladdin a little TOO closely; mostly just minor changes in character names and bits of dialogue. But I had this hilarious idea of what COULD’VE happened. Heh, heh. Just hear me out. Let’s say Discord finished making his arrow and nearly tested it on Celestia, when the cavalry bursts in. The arrow is knocked out of Discord’s clutches and actually strikes Celestia but has NO effect on her since she was already still in love with him.

But because the fight kicks up a lot of dust, and the others are too preoccupied with helping each other up in case some of them got knocked aside, only our two aspiring lovers witness it. Celestia then destroys the arrow, and you know the rest. It would even give him less incentive to try making a new one. Sure, the recipe got destroyed this time around, but you never know what else he might try. (Incidentally, what took Hiss so long to show up? *shrug*)

“For once, I agree with you, Fluttershy.” Well, I wouldn’t say just once. :P

“Hey, do you mind? I was making out with the mare of my dreams!” XDD

‘…blowing raspberries into her tummy…” XDD Raspberries will do it every time.

I assume the postage date here remains correct. It isn’t always, since people are prone to posting and reposting stories they may have written well over decades ago; I should know. I won’t spoil too much for newcomers and will review each installment as if it were just posted. But given what happens later both here and in canon, I believe overall that this story holds up nicely even now. Whether or not you fix any of these issues I pinpointed, then I hope I least helped with future stories. Until next time. ;)

First of all, just forget my so-called review to Garble and Sweetie Belle: Forever. That was just a panic attack I had while trying to understand MLP G4 myself. It was borne out of a feeling of inferiority that I’d never measure up to other people who have reviewed and dissected the show constantly. I did the same to several others until Lady Mayflower helped set me straight. Sorry for spamming you like that. If you must know my true feelings about that story…well, I’ll just say I’m deeply worried for Sweetie Belle. O_O Second, yes, I know that this is an old series conceived before even Season 3. But I had to get this off my mind.

Let’s continue with the good parts. Everybody acts in-character, and the pacing is neither too quick nor too slow. A part of me feels the chapters might be too short, but perhaps you know something I don’t. Discord reforming AND being Celestia’s former lover? Yeah, I can buy that. Save his manipulation of the Mane Six into their opposite selves, forcing Granny Smith – a very old and frail pony who at this point supposedly still needs a hip replacement – to dance nonstop, and whatever that one stained-glass window of him burning ponies alive implies, Discord is pretty much a superpowered version of Teddy from MLP Tales. Compared to previous foes such as Tirek, Grogar, the Flories, of course Nightmare Moon, or that morally ambiguous witch who cursed Woebegone (he did not deserve that!), Discord is mostly just a foolish prankster anyway. In fact, he barely LOOKS the part; ‘can’t judge a book by its cover’ and all that.

While romance goes against Lauren Faust’s original plans, I think of it as a nice bonus when done right. All unmarried pairings for this show are up for speculation. Along with what I already noted about Discord, this pairing makes some sense if you think about it long enough. He and Celestia both have ways of messing with others. She’s just more reserved about it.

Furthermore, you sure portrayed her as quite helpless, but then this IS Discord. The same guy who ruled Equestria with an iron fist, blah blah. His redemption has a long way ahead before completion, so I guess being turned to stone and staying in isolation a bit longer may be just what the doctor ordered.

Besides, Celestia could stand to be partially messed with anyhow. “My faithful student, you really must stop reading those dusty old books.” Try again, princess. Nightmare Moon is on her way to doom Equestria and possibly surrounding lands, and all you and everyone else can think about is partying? Also, why didn’t you just TELL everyone that Philomena was going through her usual molting cycle so Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t go berserk avoiding the slammer? Why don’t you discipline yer pet? Remember the Grand Galloping Gala? Who rewards others for wrecking parties and harassing the other guests? Why send a bunch of college-age ponies to evict a sleeping dragon instead of yer guards, given that these six hold what are essentially Equestria’s nukes, and that it might be a disaster if anything happened to the Elements and their Bearers?

(catches breath) Yeah, I could go on. badboylover24, maybe you’ve got something here. We don’t have enough scenarios of a male stalking a female played for relatively harmless humor. That usually means abuse, whereas a female stalking a male is safe no matter. Pffft; jerks. We males have feelings, too, you know. Still, while Discord could still inconvenience Celestia in the air as he did in the labyrinth, which would make flying away pointless, I’m surprised she didn’t at least try teleporting to the nearest wasteland devoid of innocent civilians.

One complaint about villains on shows like this is that the rules of sugarcoating dictate they must be easily defeated so the kids watching will feel brave and superior. Sorry, parents, but that isn’t how it works in real life. That DID sound too good to be true for Discord. Very clever how you made him immune against the Elements. The Elements themselves must gravitate towards those who are willing to use them and use them for their intended use. Substituting Spike for Rainbow Dash must have neutralized their effects somewhat and…you know the rest.

Ah, Kaa from The Jungle Book and Sir Hiss from Robin Hood. Ignoring my own sentiments against crossovers, I had to catch up on both movies to better grasp their characters. You’d think they would’ve learned from their experiences with Mowgli and Prince John respectively, but I guess that’s another reason why Discord chose them for followers instead of, well, someone else: They have more growing to do as well, and he subconsciously relates to them. Huh, to think until this story, Hiss used HIS mind-control abilities reportedly only once. Quick nitpick: Ignoring the sequel and other related media, Kaa is actually brown, not green.

Is there any reason parts of the story are in present-tense? Yeah, I don’t yet understand it, either, but you usually use present tense for transcripts and synopses. Novels are written in past tense. For example:

Prologue: ‘The wielders of the Elements of Harmony have just turned Discord back into stone and are now hiding him away within the labyrinth so that nopony will find him and free him from his petrified prison’…

…should go ‘The wielders of the Elements of Harmony had just turned Discord back into stone and were now hiding him away within the labyrinth so that nopony would find him and free him from his petrified prison.’

Ch. 1: ‘It has been about three months since Discord’s defeat.’

That should go, ‘Three months had passed since Discord’s defeat.’

Ch. 6: ‘However, the older princess couldn’t help but fear that something is amiss.’ Replace ‘is’ with ‘was’. You get the idea, right?

Next, I believe you can get away with lowercasing the following words throughout the story: unicorn, draconequus, ponies, and (when not used formally) princess. Some more spelling and grammar issues include:

Ch. 5: “He caught usss off guard, my lord,” Hiss groaned… Replace ‘he’ with ‘they’, and hyphenate ‘off-guard’.
‘With a flash of light, Discord and his two minions have appeared within Twilight’s library.’ Remove ‘have’ to make it sound less wordy.
“What are talking about?” Insert the word ‘you’ between ‘are’ and ‘talking’.

You can find more via spelling and grammar check in whatever word processor you use. Here’s one more for the road in the same chapter: “Right,” his master stated. “Now move; Twilight and those…” Replace that period after ‘stated’ with a comma. Whether or not they’re still saying the same sentence (wow, say that five times fast), you save the period until they finish either that same sentence or the next one.

So happy!...So happy!(I'm happy-crying really right now :'-) )