|Reviews for Gone So Long|
| annabellex2 chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
Just read this story today, really enjoyed it!
| rensahannou chapter 1 . 12/27/2011
Aww, poor boys :( I do hope Logan tried to contact James after he left, otherwise he can't put all the blame on him... And Logan losing touch with the other guys too is just so sad. I hope they all talked more after this :(
But the part where they first got together was cute :)
| fanmin chapter 1 . 12/16/2011
What? Just like that? No sequel? /:0
I think the story is great. The cute past, the feelings, you wrote them awesomely. However I feel like, just when I'm glad that finally Camille leaves, it ends.
Great stories make me happy. But if you continue this, i'll be happier :)
| TinyHandz chapter 1 . 12/14/2011
This was awesome but it broke my heart to know it was a oneshot Dx!
| weyu chapter 1 . 12/3/2011
you at a perfect place to continue this and make them meet and be tgether again
| Melinda chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
It's great to see a fresh face around here, especially for Jagan (It's a popular ship, but I am personally always looking for new stuff to read. I like looking for new takes on things that get done again and again). You have a great style, obviously know your grammar.
You've got a lot of potential, but I think this could have been a lot better. It was a romance, a dramatic and emotional one, but my problem was that when I was reading it it felt emotionally cold. It was like it was fake. You didn't make it come to life like I would have loved. It just seemed like written words on a page. It went too fast and it felt very disjointed. Maybe it could have benefited from more thought and planning, something that's usually needed with a story with such an emotional weight.
Some of the characteristics also seemed false, especially Camille. She, again, had no life to her at all, and she was definitely not in character. I understand this wasn't showverse really, but why use Camille at all if she's just going to seem like an OC?
Along those lines, the dialogue was very forced and not very genuine (I was irked by the repeats of "baby" back to back between Lomille. I'm all for petnames, especially if it suits the characters, but the same one used in succession just felt like unsuccessful writing).
Perhaps this could have come across better as a longer piece? It jumped a lot, with time and emotions, without giving us any reason to believe those emotions from other than what you, as the author, told us through narration. Maybe it would have been better to show rather than tell. At least that's what I was taught in college in all of my fiction and writing classes lol
It's just a suggestion, all of these are just ideas/suggestions because you're new here and just getting started. And I see loads of potential because you really have a handle on language, which is great to see in the land of people who don't know the difference between "their" and "there", etc.