Reviews for The Pureblood Pretense
Guest chapter 4 . 7/26
Why did you make her act so stupid? She's ruining Rigel reputation. I know boy Harry was average, but you didn't have to make girl Harry so lame either.
post-ghost chapter 17 . 7/21
I'm so in love with this entire story. Just about every aspect has been wonderful to me, and I love what you've done with the characters. The dark aspects of the pure blood society is well balanced out with the lightheartedness if characters like the Weasley twins, and I don't think I've gone through a chapter without laughing at least once. Plus the whole premise is incredibly engaging, and I love the world that you've created.
greenprisoner chapter 22 . 7/13
this is amazing. the pacing and the suspense and plot and references to canon and just. so good.
So1Thought chapter 1 . 7/11
ContraryToEverything chapter 22 . 7/11
This whole series is probably my favourite Harry Potter fanfiction. I love the world that you've created, and I love what you've done with the characters. I'm just waiting for you to finish up your newest installment in the series so I can read it all in one go, rather than chapter by chapter.

I pretty much didn't sleep once I got sucked into your story (and I don't regret the hours spent awake reading, even if I was a brain dead zombie). Your characters and your writing is just so vivid. I love the OCs that you've created. I love the dynamics between all the characters.

I can't wait to see where the story goes :)
cbac1990 chapter 22 . 7/2
I can't believe this has so few reviews. This story is great and I'm so excited to start the rest!
Balthanon chapter 22 . 6/21
I was planning on waiting for the rewrite to reread this yet again, but it appears that was not to be. I can see a few areas where this could be enhanced, but it is still a great read.
Neloska chapter 14 . 6/17
Young and innocent indeed. Draco is so cute, how excited he gets when it involves Quidditch. Same goes for Rigel and her interactions with Snape. Pansy on the other hand is interesting to 'watch', knowing what I do now about her character...
Every reread I discover something knew that I love.
Neloska chapter 8 . 6/17
I think this is my favorite scene in this installation. Throughout the whole chapter we see more and more characteristics of different characters revealed and gain a better understanding of them.
Just now I loved how nervous and desperate Rigel was to prove herself and also Snape's reaction. How he actually wanted someone to teach and is jealous that Rigel had to be his rival's 'son'.
Neloska chapter 4 . 6/17
I am currently rereading the story. Rigel is so cute and naiv, thinking she can get through Hogwarts without having to learn any spells. Especially ironic considering how her perfect control was what made her potions discovery possible. xD
Intrepid Bibliophile chapter 1 . 6/15
Hi! I love your stories (to the point of finishing everything you've updated so far and starting to re-read almost immediately, if that tells you anything). I am grateful that you had so much written by the time I tackled your wonderful monstrosity, but I thought I might mention the reason I hesitated. In your summary, you give no hint what Harry's goal at Hogwarts is, which somehow made a difference in my level of interest. I also didn't realise it would be so far-reaching or politically detailed. These are the aspects that I particularly enjoy about it, but I thought it would be a lighthearted take on ATL. I think it's great that you tackle a lot of the issues that Alanna faced, and expand on them as the relate to Harry's world. But I didn't know it would be more than a RomCom, and dismissed it unfairly. I noticed that the number of reviews seems disproportionately small compared to how well written this is, so I wondered if others had had the same reservations.

Also, I did have a potions question: you say very clearly that one cannot substitute a substitute. Is it impossible to go back to the original recipe and find a different replacement for ginseng? I haven't been able to get it out of my head, so I decided to ask. :)

One more thing: I don't know if this is the fault of some form of autocorrect, but I noticed that wherever it would make sense contextually to have the word 'tome', you wrote 'tomb' instead.

Hallow135 chapter 7 . 6/14
How do u measure the writing? I never really understood that. Is it in length or hight?
springtempo chapter 3 . 6/11
Some plot holes/discrepancies that I'm hoping you will fix in your rewrite:

Ch 3
- Draco being awake long before sunrise/staying up all night and doing nothing but stare at Rigel seems OOC since he is characterised as not being an early riser later on in the series
- Rigel's "habit of imagining other things onto people's faces" isn't really mentioned again, thus it doesn't sound like an actual habit

Ch 10
- Why was there a trick step? It was repeatedly mentioned that there wasn’t supposed to be one on these stairs, so someone must have created it, but who, and for what purpose? If it was Jordan, why would he miss if he knew she would fall there? And why didn’t Jordan do any more damage, since she was trapped and facing the other way, besides just tossing a dung bomb? Did he hear Flint’s footsteps approaching?
- Other than Rigel wondering once or twice if he’s causing chaos, Peeves doesn’t actually appear in her first 3 years at Hogwarts, which is kind of unlikely, especially if Rigel isn’t actively avoiding him. At the moment, he seems like a convenient plot point rather than an actual character.

Ch 12
- Draco neglected to mention Caelum Lestrange as a possible "cousin" who is old enough to write and isn't at Hogwarts. Of course, he probably knew that Sirius and Bellatrix hate each other, so it's unlikely for Rigel and Caelum to write to each other, but it's a good opportunity to foreshadow/mention him. Also, his comment "What family with connections to the Blacks would send their child anywhere else?" doesn't make much sense considering Caelum goes to Durmstrang.

Ch 13
- Why do the professors not entertain the possibility that Flint may be receiving help from a student outside of Hogwarts? Perhaps one who has already graduated, or one from another magical school? Schools in England (like Harry's owl correspondence school) appear to follow a similar curriculum, especially if students have to take the same standardised OWL/NEWT tests. In that case, it wouldn't be very hard for another student in the same year to do Flint's work as well, and they wouldn't even need to change their voice, since schools probably wouldn't compare students' essays with those from another schools. If so, Snape shouldn't have written off Flint getting help outside of the castle so quickly.

Ch 13
- Why didn't people (like Rosier) assume from the start that Rigel hates hospitals and medi-workers because of Diana's death? Wouldn't that be the most obvious conclusion for people to reach? I understand why Rigel woudn't want to use that excuse on purpose, but the others shouldn't really find it suspicious.

Ch 14
- Wouldn't Harry's parents/uncles notice if she suddenly acquired a new wand during the school semester? Even if they are too busy to notice, Harry should probably be a bit worried about it.

Ch 16
- How does Owl Post work? The redirection spell that they use seems to imply that all letters addressed to Harry/Harriet Potter go to Archie, and letters addressed to Archie/Rigel/Arcturus Black go to Harry. This makes sense, BUT before they were using this spell, they bribed their family owls so they would deliver the letters as if there was such a redirection spell. However, the school owls from Flint and Rosier still reached Rigel, even though they hadn't used the redirection spell yet. This suggests that owl post system works like the Point Me spell in SS (i.e. who the sender associates the name with), but this complicates things such as magazine subscription services. Wouldn't it be easier/more consistent to just have Harry/Archie look up the re-direction spell before the ruse rather than spend all that time bribing their family owls? And do senders actually have to verbally tell the owl where to go (as Harry did for Flint's letter and Draco did for his family)? If the address and verbal instructions were in conflict, where would the letter go?

Ch 20
- Even though it was mentioned multiple times that "Madam Promfrey is a true credit to her profession", she hadn't found out about Harry's gender even after checking her health multiple times. Meanwhile, Mrs. Hurst could tell in one glance Harry's gender, age, and dietary habits, and she also emphasises that it's very obvious, which makes Mafam Promfrey seem highly incompetent. The St. Mungo's staff also didn't appear to notice anything when she went as Rigel to visit her mother for Addy's birth. Perhaps you could suggest that Mrs. Hurst could tell because of her magic (which is irritated by lies) instead?
- In AA ch 2, Harry and Caelum suggest marshmallow plant sap, sage, and ginger as possible substitutions for honey in Wheezer’s Relief. From that, my understanding of this rule is that it’s something like the degrees of consanguinity: the ideal ingredient can only be substituted by its first cousins; second cousins are too distant a relation. In that case, first cousins should be able to substitute each other; that is, if they run out of sage, they should be able to use ginger in Wheezer’s Relief. But here, it sounds like acai is the only possible substitution for ginseng, even though there are thousands of ingredients. I would imagine that there should be at least one variation of a precursor to Snowhit or Aurora’s Breath that doesn’t use ginseng or acai. The odds just seem pretty unlikely that there is no other possible substitution for ginseng. I think it's far more likely for Draco to also be allergic to the other possible substitutions for ginseng, since his allergy list was so long.

I hope this helps!
Re edits pt 2 chapter 2 . 6/11
Suggestions for chapter 2 edits
- She was about to introduce herself properly when her words were cut off; the lump of fabric on the stool had begun to sing. Loudly. - begun to sing loudly. {original phrasing was fine; this sounds kind of obnoxious/extreme/melodramatic}

- Davis and Greengrass, whom Rigel had already pegged as uninteresting lackwits based on their discussing the merits of linen versus silk tablecloths upon claiming their seats, made small swooning noises as they watched the Malfoy scion put the hat on without even bothering to sit. - {seems a bit OOC for Harry to make such quick judgements about people's character, and the merits of linen vs silk tablecloths isn't very shallow conversation? (especially for 11 year-olds) and it feels a bit like cheating, instead of letting the reader gradually come to their own conclusions about their personalities}

- There. Let the girl think she took the comment as a compliment. - {This also seems OOC and comes across as a bit spiteful? when what I know of Harry is that she doesn't seem to hold grudges}

- He said a few words, the impenetrability of which suggested that he chose them randomly from the dictionary, and waved his hands dramatically. - {IMO the original expression of how his words wouldn't be found in the dictionary expresses the ridiculousness better}

- She supposed she could get used to such details. - She supposed she could get used to such thoughtful details. {original better emphasises the purposefulness of colour/design}

- Pansy didn't look surprised that Malfoy might be curious about Rigel, so she supposed all the kids here must know the intricate system of blood connections that bound them to one another. - Pansy didn't say anything, though, so Rigel ignored it, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to herself. {Archie and Draco are very closely related, and is common knowledge, so their blood relations aren't that intricate/complicated}

- There was nowhere to hide. - Essentially, there was nowhere to hide. {This sentence sort of interrupts the flow}

- The prefect with the long, black hair came back over to them and said. "Change of plans. - and said, "Change of plans.
Re edits chapter 1 . 6/11
There are some added descriptions that feel a little out of place (e.g. "She'd heard the Malfoys in particular were known for their pointed faces"), and made it feel kind of lengthy/slow-paced. The grammar is good, though! especially the dialogue punctuation!

Just wanted to make a few suggestions, if you don't mind

- "I can't see anything without my glasses," she said, rolling blurry eyes. - rolling her eyes. {it's her vision that's blurry, not her eyes}

- Archie knew his cousin wanted nothing in the world but to brew potions for the rest of her life, preferable alone, but in her mind mediocrity in the art was not enough. - preferably alone, but in her mind, mediocrity in the art was not enough.

- Archie thought his father's unusual unreasonableness on the subject was a combination of his fear that he'd be losing his son in a way, too, if he went so far away and his desire for Archie to have the same wonderful experiences he'd had in school. - Archie thought his father's unusual unreasonableness on the subject was not just because he didn't want his son so far away, but was also due to his desire for Archie to have the same wonderful experiences he'd had in school.

- producing a miniaturized trunk from a bookshelf. - from her bookshelf.

- Archie produced his miniaturized trunk from his pocket and exchanged it for Harry's thankfully not-too-feminine one. - exchanged it for Harry's. {how does a trunk look too feminine? I would expect their trunks to look almost identical, or at least with no identifying markers, for the sake of the ruse}

- Unlike the rest of it, which seemed fairly innocent, stealing was so obviously wrong. He supposed he'd better get used to living in a state of moral greyness. - {It seems a bit out of characters for Archie-the-prankster to think stealing was "so obviously wrong", when they've done far more mischeivous stuff as children}

- Keep an extra copy of what you write and we'll exchange them by owl post at the end of the school year so we can keep our stories straight over the summer. - Keep an extra copy of what you write and we'll exchange all our letters by owl post

- Due to the narrowness of the corridor, she was partially blocking his way. Instead of just walking around her, however, he veered and slammed a heavily muscled shoulder into her side. Not expecting it, she fell sideways to the ugly carpet and awkwardly broke her fall with her elbows. Pushing herself back up to her knees, she glared at the boy, who was sneering down at her. - {the action feels a little long-winded compared to the original, which was shorter and snappier}
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