|Reviews for Harry and the surprise family|
| lilyflower50 chapter 1 . 12/23/2014
I really hope that this gets finished I found othe versions of this quite good
| alice22 chapter 1 . 12/18/2014
Interesting re-write. I wonder who are Harry's parents then?
| teedub chapter 1 . 12/16/2014
So, it's an interesting start, but to really grab and hold readers, I think you should have told us who the parents are ;-)
I sincerely hope for a non-forgiving Harry for once. Seriously, who in their right mind would forgive the conspiracy involved in keeping Harry ignorant and mistaken about his very identity? The cruelty is unbelievable. Why tell lies to Harry and then expect forgiveness and love? Screw them all ! Harry should ask himself, if they would lie and collude on this, what else are they lying about and not telling me?
LOL ok, I'm done with my speculations and gossip about what may happen.
| Joleigh13 chapter 1 . 12/16/2014
So this story can be improved a lot. No spelling or grammar errors which is good. The flow of it isn't good. You don't need to say "At the same time..." or "While they were doing such and such...". You don't need those transitions. Also please stop saying stuff is hitting the fan. Very cliche and you keep overdoing it. I would warn that this is OOC because it was just all over the place. From "oh and guess what, Snape is his second godfather" to "Molly finally got to tell what went on at the Dursleys." It was crazy. Also Molly wouldn't know because her character is unwilling to think a child is being hurt by their parents. Good concept but the flow is so bad you can barely finish it.
| LadyFreak chapter 2 . 12/7/2014
Its difficult to read as a stream of thought, but seems interesting. Doesnt have to completely be taken apart, just separated a bit :)
| thedarklordsfavoritedungeonbat chapter 2 . 7/3/2014
this has potential but to be honest it's quite hard on the eyes - due to its layout - or rather lack thereof. you need to put a line between paragraphs... (it's quite easy to do all you do is put a full stop at the end of the sentence and then press enter twice before you start your next paragraph) sorry if that is patronising but I don't know how proficient you are at using a computer so i figured if i explained now i wouldn't have to later on.
| Princess101855 chapter 2 . 5/6/2014
A little confused at this and line breaks would be nice. It would be helpful if you flesh everything out a bit as well.
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/22/2013
I am so glad I have found your stories when I can get my laptop workin I will add your stories to my favourites list. Awesome and I keep seeing poor harry waiting until dark at the train station.
Cant wait to read more:-)
| rubyblue100 chapter 1 . 7/22/2013
Looking forward to reading:-)
| alice22 chapter 5 . 6/12/2013
Well I look forward to read the next chapter.
Note you need to separate some of the sentences into separate paragraphs. It would make I easier to read.
| ZebedeeDaniels chapter 3 . 12/4/2012
What? Er- I'm confused... Would you mind awfully just telling me what went on there? It looks from what I could understand to be a good story but ngl it was almost impossible to understand...
-Use paragraphs to set out story more clearly
-Use speech marks so we can tell when someone is talking
-New line for every bit of speech
-Seems like it could be a good story
-Nice way of conveying emotions
Sorry, don't take offence at what I said... But if we have no one to tell us how to improve, we have no hope... I'm always being told how I can improve...
| Mystical-Elf-Of-Sorrow chapter 3 . 9/28/2012
umm, no offence ment but, have you ever heard of paragraphs? they make it a hell of a lot easier to read
| hpslashrules chapter 5 . 9/24/2012
So that really long chapter with no spaces, was that supposed to be a summary of everything that hwd been written so far? It was a bit of a struggle to read. And i thought didnt like author notes posted as chapters and u have 4?
Oh well from what i could understand it seems like a good concept for a story. Please delete author note chapters when u put up the actual story as they are very annoying :)
| lilyflower50 chapter 5 . 6/8/2012
so when will the next capter be out
| echo chapter 3 . 6/6/2012
think the last paragraph is long enough? ever heard of spaces? its really hard to read when its all one paragraph...