|Reviews for The September Before the Last|
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 2 . 3/20
The beginning of this was actually pretty engaging (minus a few technical errors), but once it got to “I’m kind of a chicken shit” everything kind of fizzled. I get that the narrator would fear his brothers, but I think after living with them for so many years, he’d come to accept—or at least get used to—what they do. Psychologically when people are around things for long enough, they start to become desensitized to them.
Also, going back to the prologue (I forgot to comment on this issue, I apologize), I’m a bit confused. You make it sound like the mother is impregnated with Joshua/Three Finger when the uncle rapes her, and because of the car wreck he’s born a mutant freak. But then the narrator calls him his *baby* brother. So… is that a mistake on your part or did I just not understand something? (This goes back to what I said about connecting the dots.)
Anyway… again, I liked the ending. You have a way with endings, I’ll give you that. XD
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 3/20
So I’ve been reading your story and I think you have an interesting idea that, if fully realized, could be made into something really cool.
You have a unique character here, but I feel he’s woefully underdeveloped. You don’t really give us much to go on with him. It’s almost as if you’re just using him as a means to retell Wrong Turn 4. He’s an original character so he needs… well, personality. He needs life. You give him a little bit of that with how he calls his brothers “sick monsters” in the first paragraph and then later says he loves Three Finger, but he needs more, lots more. There are so many things you could do with a tense love/hate family relationship—it could add so much depth to your character and to the story.
As for your writing mechanics, you overuse ellipses (…) and some of your sentences could be structured better. You keep things way too simplified. I understand that your main character is uneducated and isolated from society, but as your readers, we want a little detail. And clarity. You jump from Three Finger being a psycho to the cannibals escaping the asylum. You need to connect the dots.
I like the way you ended it, though—with the college kids. Good way to transition into the main story.
| Mmeggy999 chapter 7 . 1/17
Update soon! :)
| A-29-99 chapter 7 . 12/14/2013
please continue :)
| speklanavido chapter 7 . 3/14/2013
its good u should write more of it
| Fanfic Productions chapter 7 . 3/9/2013
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Hmmmm is it just me is that supposed to be confusing? Are you going to do anymore? Please do.
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 5 . 2/7/2013
Man, this is good
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 4 . 2/7/2013
Good. Good. Good. Good.
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 3 . 2/7/2013
Ew. Yeah that's pretty gross. But you did warn the readers before hand.
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 2 . 2/7/2013
| stevieLUVSAlex chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
Wow. Intriguing for sure.
| skycord1990 chapter 6 . 10/27/2012
Please update soon!
| Sodapopxx chapter 5 . 9/8/2012
I luv this STORY plzzzzzz update or I have my elf make u ;)
| nigthofdoom chapter 6 . 7/24/2012
when will the rest of your story be up? i would like to see where you go with this story!