|Reviews for Transcendence: Digital Curse|
| OmegaInferno chapter 2 . 3/6/2013
I wonder who the newcomer is, man I wish I found this sooner, well I think it is interesting you are implementing Matt and Sora dating in this story, and using it as what seems at this point as a sub-plot, keep it up!
| OmegaInferno chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
I wonder if the Royal Knights are going to be the main antagonists? Pretty crazy stuff, but it seems Davis is going to be more mature in this than the cartoon
| Super Saiyan Crash chapter 33 . 3/2/2013
A very interesting start.
| Crazyeight chapter 23 . 2/24/2013
Chapter 23 notes:
A question: Does Matt’s father actually have the kind of authority to shut down the TV Tower for a whole day? I hadn’t heard that he was that high up in the hierarchy (in fact, all signs point to him not being that high up at all, but being someone somewhere in between where he can be in charge of groups of people, but not the entire station).
This chapter sets up a bit of an unusual logic hole, at least in my opinion, as to how Izzy managed to come up with a working theory on how to bring back Wizardmon using the Odaiba TV station so quickly, even though they’ve never attempted anything like this before. Additionally I’m a bit disturbed that Agumon—and Agumon only with no one else really protesting—is deciding to risk lives and property damage just to bring back one individual and they have no idea whether or not this will actually work. Even more disturbing when one realizes that they run the risk of not attracting the average wild digimon, but extremely powerful ones who are looking for Agumon. Do they really owe Wizardmon that much that they would jeopardize the very world that Wizardmon assisted the Digidestined in protecting? How do they even know that this won’t make things even worse for Wizardmon?
| Crazyeight chapter 22 . 2/24/2013
Granted, Davis isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but I highly doubt that he would have forgotten anything about Wizardmon.
Concerning Wizardmon, I’m leery about this subplot because, well, there are some problems with it.
1.)Undoing things like Wizardmon’s death tends to cheapen what happened. I won’t say that this should never happen, but at this point in the development of the real and digital world’s association with each other, it does cheapen things. Additionally, if it suddenly is so easy for someone like Agumon to suggest this and whipping everyone up to look for a solution, it begs the question…why wasn’t anyone tried to do this sooner? Such as after they found out that Wizardmon’s ghost still lingered in the real world?
2.)Given what’s going on with Veemon’s feelings for Gatomon, and Gatomon’s sudden focus on Wizardmon’s death (with no real buildup or reason given as to why Agumon suddenly feels like it needs to be dealt with), it’s plain that the only reason Wizardmon is being brought back is to act as romantic competition for Veemon and to provide a ‘everyone feels good’ scene. From my experience with Tamers fics involving Leomon, what occurs after the resolution of this plot point (specifically the romantic plot point, if it has) is that Wizardmon ceases to be a relevant character whose only defining trait is his connection to Gatomon rather than being his own character, and accordingly becomes little more than cannon fodder to be smacked about by villains (alternatively, he may be paired up with another character should Gatomon not return his feelings. The same occurs to Veemon should the opposite hold true).
| Crazyeight chapter 21 . 2/24/2013
Chapter 21 notes:
Lines: 'It sounds to me like Agumon's more trouble than he's worth.'
Sora raised her eyebrows. 'Why do you think that?'
'This situation reminds me of myself a little bit. There was always a guy in school who seemed perfect, who was popular with everyone, and seemed good at basically everything. But it turns out the guy is actually quite a jerk if you ask him the wrong questions.'
This is just a bit of a nitpick, but Mimi should know that Agumon, who she knows and fought alongside of, can’t be compared to someone she barely knew at all in school. Agumon’s reactions to those ‘wrong questions’ have reasons behind them that she should also be aware of by this point (and how can she not given that she would be in contact with her friends via Email). How else can the characters explain Agumon’s behavior? They are aware of the changes in his body, which changes how he lives and fights and severed his connection with Tai. I’m pretty sure most people would be pretty sensitive to certain questions if they had to go through a similar experience.
Line: Palmon studied her. 'I never figured out why you wanted to move from here to this place called America. All human lands seem the same to me.'
Another nitpick. Mimi, as she pointed out, didn’t decide to move to America. Her parents did, and she had to go with them on account of being a minor and they were her parents. Palmon would know this and not have to ask a question to which she would already know the answer to by this point.
While it is interesting that Veemon digivolved to Veedramon, I must respectfully disagree with his assertion that the change might mean that Wormmon and Veemon won’t need each other to digivolve anymore to Ultimate or Mega. Ultimate I can sort of buy, but to date it has been shown to require an extra source of power to accomplish (such as a Crest, which all save for Ken’s have lost their power). Mega has thus far been achieved through unusual means. If they don’t have that, then Ultimate and Mega may be cut off from them, which means they lose Imperialdramon (their biggest heavy hitter). Neither have any idea how this happened or how it will affect things for them. Ken’s assertion is, at best, wishful thinking and not what I would expect from him given the responsibilities they have.
| Crazyeight chapter 20 . 2/18/2013
Not too much to say about this chapter. Gatomon pretty much says what I’ve been saying though Agumon is a bit stubborn. Not much happens, but it’s a pleasant change of pace before shifting arcs, and it is an enjoyable read, and probably one of the better chapters pre-editing. It was nice to see some bonding between two digimon that didn’t involve romance as well, so kudos to you on that. :P
Just a minor nitpick in that Gatomon is complaining about having trouble keeping up with her friends. Short legs notwithstanding, she’s shown some pretty impressive physical prowess against much larger opponents, and she never complained about being slower than humans before or having a hard time catching her breath doing so. But again, just a minor nitpick.
| Crazyeight chapter 19 . 2/17/2013
Line: Biyomon looked at his face carefully. 'You look tired. I guess running around training for a month isn't all it's cracked up to be?'
*Laughs* Just a minor nitpick. This was basically the first season of digimon in a nutshell, only much of the training was more of a ‘trial by fire’ or ‘the Spartan Way’ method. Season two could be summed up as this to some degree, but in a much softer manner as the characters had the option of returning home at almost any time they desired.
Line: 'Wow.' TK said in wonder. 'I wonder what this means? I still think Digimon living in the real world is still out of the question.'
TK expressed such a sentiment in the series? At what point? Especially since he’s been more than happy to have Patamon live in the real world, so I’m not sure where this came from.
The point about the Chronodata, being that no one knows much, if anything, about it, is an important point to bring up, but oddly this is contradicted in earlier chapters when the Sovereigns discuss it, mainly that its effects are well-documented, and are even able to offer a solution as to how to control it (in spite of their statement that it can’t be controlled). Perhaps now, seeing as the story and Chronodata as a McGuffin is well-established at this point, would be a good time to bring up that its root, ‘chrono’ has more to do with the words ‘time’ and ‘measurement’ (specifically it is a combining form of the word Chronos for compound words, like ‘chronometer’, so when you say ‘Chronodata’, you’re basically saying ‘time data’), which is not a word one would expect from something that exhibits vampiric qualities. The name suggests Milleniummon’s involvement (who Agumon has encountered before), but any hints to this are absent at this time.
Line: 'Izzy said that Chronodata affects digimon to make them age like humans do. You're afraid, aren't you?'
In spite of Yamaki’s line that digimon have indefinite life spans (and note that the word choice here is tricky, because he only means that it’s unknown, not that digimon are functionally immortal), it should be pointed out that there is plenty of evidence that digimon can and are able to age like humans do (The Chuchidarumon from the Village of Discarded Data being one example). Data can indeed simulate an approximation of aging by fragmentation, becoming disorganized and unable to properly overwrite data (the more data that gets deleted or used up, the more pronounced this becomes). This is basically what happens with living bodies as an organism continues to replace material from what we take in. Waste material accumulates over time and the body can’t repair things as easily. As one film put it, the human body appears designed to last at least a century without assistance (in an ideal world), but simply dies early from ‘slow poisoning’ due to injuries, infection, alcohol, and a host of anything and everything you may encounter in your life.
Line: 'You're afraid that, something will happen to you, whether it's aging or battle, you might die. And you're more worried about how Biyomon will feel.'
Why was this never a concern when digimon were in the real world, or at any other point when the digimon were constantly battling for the sake of the digital world? Digimon age anyway. It has never been stated that digimon don’t die, either through old age or battle. The only idea of ‘immortality’ that has ever been confirmed is that data is recycled (with there being a chance that the digimon in question might *not* retain any of their old personality or memories intact, never mind the chance of being sent to the Dark Area). Likewise, digimon have a survival instinct, which implies a desire to not die, so I don’t see how this suddenly became an issue except in that Agumon and Biyomon are falling in love (which this chapter spent a great deal of time on, easily half of it was devoted to this).
I see this chapter ends on the story cliché of no one ever chasing after someone to confront an issue, and instead let the issue just hang there for who knows how long in spite of the obvious seriousness of what just occurred and how ‘dumbfounded’ Biyomon seems to be by it. Drama aside, ask yourself, how many people let something like this happen without first trying to get some clarification or telling the other person how such a thing sounds to them. Have you yourself ever been in a situation where someone said something along the lines of what Agumon said, and then just left you, with you *not* going after them? When considering a dramatic scene, frame it in terms of how something like that would work in reality, because suspension of disbelief has some limitations rooted in real-world experiences.
| Eonflare chapter 7 . 2/12/2013
Well, you've done a a few changes, they seem better. I just hope that everything you write actually has relevance, I don't really like filler.
| Eonflare chapter 6 . 2/1/2013
I thought that Digimon that died in the real world didn't turn into digi-eggs. Wizardmon for example.
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/30/2013
The story seems fine so far, it's pretty mysterious which keeps it interesting. But I noticed a little OOC with Renamon. She always seemed very calm or at least stoic rarely raised her voice in Tamers and yet in this story she has already gotten frustrated at least twice with trivial matters.
| Crazyeight chapter 18 . 1/26/2013
Line: 'This was all a few weeks ago.'
I’m a bit concerned about this line in regards to the characters and the timing of the plot. A ‘few weeks’ translates to…what? A month? So Tai, a normally proactive character, has been moping around doing not only nothing but not once getting an idea on what to do? I’ve got to say that this is far from the Tai that was in the show, who went in and got his hands dirty and dealt with his problems. Did he have moments of hesitation, doubt, and even come to a halt emotionally? Yes, but someone, usually Matt, would push him forward again. Even if Tai ended up like this, there’s no way Matt would have allowed it to go on for this long, even if he had to punch it into him. And he has.
How did Swanmon know how to contact the Digidestined in this manner? Her presumed ‘knowledge’ of matters aside (which she showed some lack of beyond Agumon’s identity) she doesn’t seem to be the sort to know the ‘phone number’ (or in this case the computer) of the digidestined.
On another note, one thing you might want to do in the future would be to research what kind of foods Japan has in its stores. While it’s true some kinds of food are likely to be universal due to international trade, it helps to provide that sense of culture and makes things more realistic when you include something that is specific to their culture. Now about Cody’s scene… There’s something a bit off about it in that Agumon (who was previously in the digital world) just walks into the bakery without any problems and is greeted like a regular customer, and Agumon rightly comments on this. This isn’t necessarily about the bakery itself, but I would imagine that outside the bakery would be a different story depending on where Agumon entered the real world. Even at this point it would still be hard for digimon to just walk around in the real world without there being some kind of commotion. Most of the time digimon are around in the real world and not trying to hide, it usually involves fighting after all. So it’s surprising that Agumon is asking this question now instead of earlier.
There is one more thing to note as well. Agumon in season one showed some decent olfactory sense, so it’s a bit off that Agumon didn’t pick up on Armadillomon’s scent earlier.
Once again though, any training Agumon went under, it was all off screen. In addition, it seems to have downplayed the danger that the Chronodata is supposed to have. Agumon, a mere Rookie, seems to have gotten the hang of controlling something that the Sovereigns claimed could not be controlled. The Sovereigns presumably should know their stuff and have the power to go with that knowledge, so what happened to them?
I’m a bit confused as to where the crowd of digimon came from and how they got into the real world. I’m assuming the same way and method Agumon did, but it’s not explained as to how that happened. The most we get is Agumon being sighted approaching the bakery, and the Floramon are mentioned as being locked outside. Not sure why no one is worried about why there is a mob of Floramon in the real world. The Floramon, for that matter, don’t really feel like Floramon so much as they are a faceless thing tacked on and doesn’t really do much except block an exit and get easily fooled.
Line: Guilmon blushed slightly as they headed for the teleporter.
Er… What teleporter? Where did the teleporter come from? What does it look like? Why are we only hearing about this at the very end of the chapter and not before? Is this how Agumon got to the real world? If so, why didn’t anyone ask about his method of arrival? How do they know what to look for when they run to it?
Overall this chapter suffers in its final scene by not having enough description about what’s going on, leaving a great deal of confusion as to what’s going on and how those things are happening. Any back story is given in the form of a small info dump, avoiding the writing rule of ‘show, don’t tell’ (although in this case it is somewhat justified, though it defeats the point of Agumon’s character development and learning process). He seems very much comfortable with himself now, which is in stark contrast to how he was in the previous chapter. A lot happened in the time skip, which could have been an interesting angle to explore as opposed to, no offense, more scenes of characters agonizing over Agumon’s absence and his overall problem, and Biyomon’s torn infatuation with him.
| Crazyeight chapter 17 . 1/26/2013
Concerning the Digidestined’s desire to digivolve further to face Alphamon…is Izzy exploring other methods other than Calumon? He knows that he was able to cause Tentomon to digivolve by messing with his programming, and we saw Leomon evolve to Mega just from exposure to multiple digivice lights. We also know that Ken was able to digivolve Agumon to Ultimate not only without being his partner but also without the use of a crest (though it could be said that he got the extra power from his base, which used a hidden crest and also contained a portal to darkness). Renamon and Guilmon show the ability to digivolve on their own as well, so an analysis of their data would be useful. In short, why depend on just *one* digimon who shows no control over his ability to digivolve other digimon?
Lines: Sora looked away, suddenly looking run down. 'I know that, but... aren't you tired of this, Matt? Before... always fighting, always killing... I know that I would rather try to save our 'enemies' if I knew it was possible. They are digimon, too... Biyomon realised this before I did.'
Matt studied her for a while, and gave a small smile. 'I hope you're right, Sora. I always thought just destroying enemies was the simple answer, but... I guess it isn't always the right thing to do.'
I can understand that after a while they would get tired of killing but…this is a road that they’ve already been down (especially Mimi who had a breakdown over this). They all knew that it wasn’t just a ‘simple answer’, nor was it a right answer, but more of a pragmatic one made out of necessity. They had high-stakes and couldn’t afford to think about the rights of someone who was actively pursuing the goal of depriving those same rights from others, regardless of whether they were willing or not. Yolei and Cody both dealt with this as well, but didn’t really have time to come to terms with it. However what their respective battles showed was that if they took too long in battling a digimon that was intent on destruction, they risked unintentionally causing harm to uninvolved civilians. This was something the season one group recognized as their home city was laid siege to by an entire army of enemies willing to cause harm (as opposed to dark-ring/gear controlled enemies who weren’t responsible for their actions). They had no time to reason with them or find methods that would take them out of the fight temporarily, especially since, as they were all willing combatants, removing them temporarily only meant that when they recovered the digidestined would have enemies along the road that they may have needed to retreat down. Destroying enemies in front of them meant that they had to worry less about what was behind them afterward.
This chapter and the last chapter were quite preachy and very soft spoken in tone, which I must admit bothers me a little. Seems as though everyone that shows up in this story is broken in some way to the point where they’re traumatized, on the verge of crying, and are in dire need of someone to tell them a better way to live (showing little reason to think otherwise or even of a way on their own once they ‘wake up’). Some of the characters, such as Ravemon who appears to have lived a good long while (as he achieved Mega level) or Giga/Megadramon are unusually quick to change their thinking once defeated (a bit of an oddity since in reality the older one gets the harder it becomes to change views—some people go to their graves never believing that they could be wrong). It gives the impression that everyone is rather childish in their thinking and only the digidestined are capable of waking them up. This almost feels as though the main characters possess some Sue-ish traits where they had none before. Character favoritism again?
| Crazyeight chapter 16 . 1/26/2013
Line: Nothing but grass since I came to this forsaken place.
Considering that you described Agumon as being more like biological animals, there is a strong chance that Agumon (who I don’t recall seeing eating grass), as a predator, would simply starve to death on this diet. Heck, humans can’t even live off it and we’re omnivores. I also call into question Agumon using the word ‘forsaken’ as his character was established in the show as not using odd words like that. He tended toward the more child-like side of speaking when it came to vocabulary.
I’m not entirely sure if Calumon can still digivolve other digimon. In Tamers the Sovereigns asked him to ‘give them back the light’ of digivolution and then afterward granted him the right to continue existing as a digimon. Since then there was no sign that he had any digivolution power and instead showed the ability to project force fields (in the final episode anyway).
Biyomon’s question about whether love is possible for digimon is…odd, given that she feels love for Sora. Clearly digimon do experience love as an emotion, and Veemon likewise was attracted to Gatomon. Given that digimon are born out of a mixture of human emotions and dreams with data and a reality distortion, this doesn’t sound all that impossible. Might be because Biyomon doesn’t have much experience, but again, she felt love for Sora, so it shouldn’t be an emotion she’s unaccustomed to having.
Probably the only thing that bugs me about this chapter is the amount of attention being paid to the side of the teenage romance drama versus the main plot, such as Agumon trying to get control of the data that is slowly going to destroy him. We’re at only fourteen chapters, but we haven’t seen Agumon’s training except that it was mentioned as happening off screen. No solutions other than plain old exercise have been suggested so far either if I recall correctly.
A bit odd that Swanmon knows so much about Agumon and his connection to Tai (never mind that Agumon is only the name of a species and that there’s nothing about Tai’s Agumon that separates him physically from others of his kind), but doesn’t know about his condition.
So this chapter establishes that, despite Renamon’s words, digimon *do* have biological genders and can have children? Interesting… Except that this chapter seems more about poking at the pairing hints than anything else.
Line: Agumon tried to dodge the many missiles that came for him. Most impacted on the ground, but a few stray missiles were left. He destroyed them with a Spirit Fire.
I think you mean ‘Spit Fire’ here unless this is something new that the Chronodata added and I just missed it. That Chronodata is turning into quite the powerful MacGuffin.
I have to admit that I laughed a little bit at the ‘large gash’ Megadramon only made when he hit Agumon. Considering the size and weight disparity between them I would have expected Agumon to have been crushed, or at least get away with far, far more than just a gash. I’m wondering if you’re keeping in mind how size and even materials involved effects a fight because it reads like everyone is the same height here, are all just boxing it out with flesh and bone fists and fighting on ground level (as opposed to the cybernetic claws Mega and Gigadramon have), never mind that Gigadramon and Megadramon are flyers and don’t have a reason to mix it up with Agumon at melee range (especially given what the show detailed about them. They’re violent, but not stupid). Not sure how Swanmon is holding her own outside of plot convenience. Her level is classified as Champion/Armor which is no match for an Ultimate without some serious power behind her (we’ve seen experienced Armor/Champions falter before every Ultimate they came across unless those Ultimates were already weak in power). Even if she’s ‘faster’, Gigadramon’s weapons more than make up for that on their own (being missiles) and have great spread (shrapnel at least should be doing something). Gigadramon must really be holding back for her to not at least be crippled in short order.
Agumon showed a startling slowness to deleting Mega/Gigadramon, even though in the past he never showed much thought about destroying enemies, be they mooks or their bosses. So where does this hesitation come from?
Despite her injuries, Swanmon is doing pretty good at picking herself up and helping out everyone. Interesting that.
| Crazyeight chapter 13 . 1/13/2013
Maybe it’s just because I haven’t read this story in a while but…where the heck did a Floramon come from? And what one are we dealing with here? It seems that everyone knows her, which is weird because only one has ever been confirmed as a partner digimon and she lived in a different country.
Line: Renamon frowned. 'Flirting? Why would she flirt with him? She's a digimon.'
Hasn’t stopped digimon from flirting so far, or getting married for that matter. Impmon flirted with Renamon. Digimon may not have parents, but it’s pretty clear that from all the seasons shown so far that they do understand flirting.
Line: 'I fear something terrible will happen to those around me, if I cannot control it.'
No need for a comma here, as that implies that there was a brief pause (like a breath being taken) here, whereas the line can run just as well without the interruption.
Now to go a bit further with the next couple of lines:
'Can't you control it, then?'
'I... don't know anymore.'
I find it difficult to agree with Agumon here since we don’t see much of his training at this point, given that it’s all off screen, and likewise there hasn’t been any sign that he loses control either. He fears it, but aside from the explanation about Chronodata’s effects, there’s no supporting evidence beyond Agumon’s dream to show why he’s afraid of not being able to control the data. This could have used a bit more expansion to show the quick progression in thought. Dreams are one thing since they’re always signs that we have something on our mind, but it’s not the same thing as ‘I’m going to lose control because this happened’.
It becomes rather ironic how, in a reversal, Tai admits that he doesn’t believe they can save AbyssGreymon while stating that Agumon’s dream isn’t a sign of things to come. However, I fail to see why Agumon thinks it’s his fault for the way AbyssGreymon turned out. Heaping up the drama much? Also, why does Agumon think he’s the only one who can save AbyssGreymon? He doesn’t even know how to save himself at this point.
So far this chapter has been one big OOC moment for Agumon (who usually tended to be very proactive and optimistic). It almost feels like you’re forcing Agumon to want to give up so he can be pitied by both Biyomon and the reader, and we’re talking about the one digimon who was the bearer of the Crest of Courage and encouraged Tai to face up to his fear at the fence during the Etemon arc. The one who often went into a bad-odds situation without hesitation because he knew what needed to be done.
But I rant, so let’s move on.
I may need to reread some chapters, because I don’t see how Agumon having a digivice that can no longer digivolve him (and doesn’t have the controls his claws can operate) is going to help him avoid Alphamon and AbyssGreymon. I’m especially surprised that Tai would just let Agumon go off on his own with no means to track or communicate with him (especially considering the fact that his condition makes him dangerous to those around him). Tai and Agumon are as close as people can get, and this would be a battle he wouldn’t allow him to face on his own.
Line: hopefully someone threw away a relatively uneaten slice.
See previous reviews concerning Guilmon’s speech patterns.
Line: Kari looked as Tai, Matt and Gabumon arrived. 'Tai? You all right, bro?'
This made me laugh. I can’t remember the last time Kari called Tai ‘bro’ as opposed to ‘brother’ or just plain ‘Tai’. She tends toward the formal side of speech when it comes to addressing people.
This chapter overall seemed a bit more solid, though I’m not sure what to make of Lotusmon’s appearance and how she let Agumon, a danger to the digital world now thanks to his infection, go without so much as a word. She seemed a bit cliché too, but nothing particularly bad.