Reviews for Chevalier
roxyroxas1313 chapter 1 . 3/20/2013
Awesome... No other words
Ryu Kazeno chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
I wonder if you remember me. Probably not, that's ok. I saw Chanel's request to have her readers check out your work and review. I had a pretty hard time finding the words to review this story until now after reading it a few times.

Striking how emotional your Fang is. You write her in a way that lends easy thinking that this is from personal experience. I got rid of my efforts to picture her and Lightning a few paragraphs in. Lightning is in character to me. I have to wonder about Fang's emotional memory if it's as clear as you make it out to be, at least for the present. By that I mean Fang feels intensely in the moment. It reads like this is the first time she has felt this way but that can't be true. At least this is what I am guessing at. Her memory is maybe questionable because if this is not the first time it has happened, these kind of misunderstandings and miscommunication, why does Fang get emotional for the same reasons? It's late so I am probably talking nonsense right now. What I'm trying to explain fits in with my thinking that the title Chevalier is perfect for your story.

If this same kind of argument has happened before from Lightning not saying sorry or appearing to not care about Fang's feelings, why does it sound like this is the first time? Lightning obviously cares, she always cares, and if she is in an intimate, loving relationship with Fang then that can't be switched off. period. no matter how she's acting. If Fang could remember that when she's about to be upset with Lightning then possibly this sweep of hurt feelings can be prevented? Lightning dutifully shows her devotion by reminding her without complaint, like a knight to her queen. Maybe too personal an analogy since I know the person you have based Lightning off. Very romantic either way I think.

Central conflict intrigues me. Your story is fascinating. The language you use is powerful and highly expressive. It's a gift you have but I have a feeling you don't always think your intense emotions is a good thing. It's in the way Fang resents that intensity she feels at some parts. As I read I fear Fang altering her behavior in an effort to avoid the problems she thinks comes about from her being overly emotional. It's not her emotions that cause problems. I see it as lack of foresight with both parties. Lightning doesn't think to apologize because the event is beyond her control, not her fault. Fang doesn't think to ask her to apologize or if she cares about her feelings because both things are beyond her control, she thinks they should happen naturally and feels even more emotional when expectations are not met. I think that emotional intensity too is a gift. Don't hinder it or try to bury it away. It's great that Fang is with someone to balance her out, same for Lightning. The way you write them being intimate together shows the fulfillment to be found in having such a relationship. Yea it's tough with the disagreements but your agreements are strong enough to bind you together with the strength of your love for each other.

Extremely tired as mentioned so sorry if none of this made sense lol. English is not my first language so please excuse. Two strikes against me, sigh. I pray that you had a great holiday...and if you didn't, I will pray for you to have a better day tomorrow. Hang in there :)
Divodog chapter 1 . 12/14/2011
I fell for the shameless plug. I don't actually regret it, but for the sake of my pride just pretend I'm peeved at you. So there :P

Every bit was as well done as your work usually is: I get tired of restating the same compliments, and I'm sure you get tired of hearing them. Or not e_e

Yes I remembered PM's two extra chapters - Fang and Light were snuggling in chapter 5! Snuggling! How am I supposed to forget? So I'm not so patiently waiting for the other two chapters, your seasonal fic that you've mentioned and Yoshiyuki's seasonal fic as well. In case you missed it, that was my shameless *nudge nudge* of the day; consider it vengeance. More charm needed...hmmm, it kinda sounds like she's the one charming you, so obviously you need to work harder...but not forget about your fics!
Ryoukashi chapter 1 . 12/12/2011
This is absolutely beautiful. You were able to have me stroll alongside Fang's stirred emotions, which were heartachingly painful. I especially loved how you described Lightning's gaze at Fang when the ice cracked. My god, I was suffering from chest pain.

Personally, I think a story would be ruined if characters were to be OOC, but you did no such thing and left me with no trouble trying to picture their actions. A verrrry well depicted story.

Hated nothing, loved everything.
Yoshiyuki Ly chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
Babe...goddamn. This was worth the wait. I read this pretending to hear your voice speaking to me. Forgot that this is technically about Fang and Light. Nothing wrong with that.

This is quite the contrast to the most recent piece I wrote for you. It feels so much like a pop-up book; an adult, emotional pop-up book because of the imagery that stands out so very well. I like that Fang and Lightning don't just move through the different locations so to speak like different scenes. The environment is a character itself, shifting with the events. Not once did it occur to me that I had a story in front of me. I can't even say this is a map of your heart, your emotions. I'll tell you all about my amazement after I poke at the things I didn't agree with.

My disbelief stayed suspended for about four fifths of the story. Your narrative is easy to follow, the dictation. Even Fang's accent is a nice touch from you, as always. When you have her say that Lightning made her into a total idiot, I had to stop and wonder about this. Technically, it wasn't Lightning's fault...being stationed someplace else for duty on that one day of the year. I had to wonder if Fang meant she'd been made into an idiot over Light's uncaring over her distress or the other reason I pointed out. I couldn't really tell, not until I took that moment to ponder it over. That was the only roadbump for me. Your vocabulary is also quite extensive; I won't nitpick the diction but using simpler words in certain places could have added a more relaxed tone you were going for, or even a rushed one. It's not a negative thing, perhaps something only I do, but I tend to save the five-dollar words when I'm going for kickass descriptions, which you have several of. It's about control...I know that probably sounds silly. I'll explain if you want me to when we speak later.

I can tell you put a lot into this, baby. Also remember the reasons you told me for doing that. I can't remember the last time I read something where my entire mind's eye filled with the author's description of the environment and stayed that way. It's something I've tried to improve with my own writing, because I find that the background tends to slip away only to be forgotten whenever I read a romance. Then it comes back when the author wants to remind me of something that's there. No...here, it's always present. I don't need to be reminded of it because Fang's emotions are the perfect canvas for your setting. Lightning is the artist here, the one who started this chain of cause and effect. You write that chain very well, with all its links forming into a solid narrative. I have to wonder where you wrote this from.

Their love is forever, even if the harmony between them shifts like the physical changes of water. It might change its property, but it's never destroyed or completely taken away. There are a lot of small, personal things here and there you added...it really adds a lot to everything. From the intensity of how you describe Fang's emotions, how she passes through the narrative, I wonder what Lightning felt. Fang's insight is biased, of course. Maybe Lightning doesn't always realize that intensity...like the water. Lightning has her airy detachment, because that's her personality; it doesn't necessarily mean it's what she feels all the time. How she is at the end when she's worried, and loving: I bet that's just a small example of how she is for Fang at all times. Whether she shows it or not.

Your, ah, delicate touch on the adult content at the end made me smile. Subtle. Still passes for a T rating, lol. Thank you so much for this, babe. Very well-written, favorited, added to C2. And added to alerts just to bother you lol. Love you.
Vivo Vixi Victum chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
The intensity within your examination of conflict between two is beyond voyeuristic. To be witness to the consequence of base needs and desires and that dependant connection, while initially an excitement based on taboo, evolves into something higher, to something sacred between two it illicits guilt for obtaining such a glimpse.

This is a common reaction I get from your work. It leaves me confused as to whether I should give thanks for another soul-driven piece (of which I do, without doubt), or apologize for intruding on the subjects.
DeanneYunFarron chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
I love it! And you really did a kick-butt job with Fang's dialect; I kept playing it over and over in my head and it sounded just like her. Well done, mate. I look forward to another story from you...and now I'm gonna go re-read your others ones. And review them.

-DeanneYunFarron
FalconTytus chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
my goodness here i am sitting up at donkey oclock - reading ur wondorful story! theres people i know that can write , just write and its good and nice and flows - and i myself admit to being one of those but theres other people that make art and poetry and emotion and u are one of them - just reading the first paragraph i wanted to review and tell u how good a writer u are! - i myself have not experienced this kind of love portrayed in the story but after reading it i start to crave it. this story is poetry in motion. its fluid and graful and gorgeous and i thoroughly enjoyed it! soo keep writing and also i love Kwoon's song - i lived on the Moon - just wondering if u've heard it or not?
Beyond Backup chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
Wonderfully written as always. I enjoy the dynamic you write between these two. You take Fangs voice and own it with precision and fluidity, tis something to admire truly.
0erbaDiaVanille chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
This is beautifuly written, its nice to see a story from Fangs perspective as usually most are written from Lights...

How you write Fangs accent is perfect, you can almost hear her voice in your head. Im liking the subtle abbreviations of her words, which sometimes works and sometimes dosent, yet in this piece it works very well...:)

Keep up the great writing x
0erbaDiaVanille chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
This is beautifuly written, its nice to see a story from Fangs perspective as usually most are written from Lights...

How you write Fangs accent is perfect, you can almost hear her voice in your head. Im liking the subtle abbreviations of her words, which sometimes works and sometimes dosent, yet in this piece it works very well...:)

Keep up the great writing x