|Reviews for The Martian & the Unicorn|
| Detective88 chapter 12 . 10/29
Now this moment, has to be the cutest moment i have ever witnessed. And I love how instead of Marvin leaving, he decided to stay, but just stay away and Twilight was sweet to comfort him and profess her love for him anyways.
The interactions they had with stargazing beforehand, was actually really smart of you to do that especially since it makes a great bonding moment.
That part with Rainbow Dash vs Dodgers cracked me up.
Overall, great story.
| Detective88 chapter 11 . 10/29
While I dislike Dislestia(no offense, girlfriend), the interactions you have with them were spot on, and they act as they were close friends.
The final battle scene was good, but the part where Marvin started turning back into a Martian again was really good and I love how angry Twilight is at Discord for giving him the treatment. Plus I can feel the agony Marvin goes through with having to transform again like in the last chapter. So, I would say, great work.
While Discord is defeated and does the "Team Rocket Blasts off Again" thing, he does turn good later on in canon. Again, this was back in 2011-2012 I know, but I can't help it. It was also a nice touch since I don't see Discord as evil like Ursula (Although I did like Ursula's death in the movie, fitting for a bitch like her)
| Detective88 chapter 10 . 10/29
Oh shit! Celestia is captured by Discord(even though he's good now in my head, then again, you did this story back in 2011-2012).
I got to say, I love the emotions you put into the characters when they reveal the truth about Marvin and the guilt Marvin has when his secret is revealed and that he lied to Twilight. That takes a lot of emotions and such.
I love how Spike asked if Martians were green and Marvin said that they're distant cousins of Mars Martians. That was pretty funny.
| Detective88 chapter 9 . 10/29
I got to hand it to you, I like how the emotion and body language and expresison you put into this when you
Love how the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Spike from Twilight's side and Dodgers, Tyrannee and Cadete on Marvin's side are trying to play matchmaker to them in different ways without the other noticing each other. And it shows viually through the two sides of the river as the boat ride was taking.
The chemistry and romance of Marvin/Twilight has been going on since I was reading this again and again and I got to say I love how you made it work despite the whole "three days" thing.
And the boat scene, I love how you made it simplistic and not too detailed so it wouldn't be too copy-paste. A little simplicity is good in some scenes especially romantic ones.
I got to say that this music would fit this scene after Queen Tyrannee plays the stereo: watch?v6bC51hjooxs
You know what could've made this better? If Sweetie Belle said "OH COME ON!" after it started raining.
| Detective88 chapter 8 . 10/29
Got to say, I love how Marvin met the others. Without copying too much from when Twilight met them, it was so cute. And do I sense a spark between Marvin and Twilight? C'est l'amour, closely.
Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders' interactions were so keen and simple yet, I can see them hanging out as much as Spike is with the Mane Six.
I got to say that the look Rarity gave Marvin looks adorable envisioning it. You got to draw it one day. :) It was like you put your own spin on the scene where Ariel goes to the dinner table in the pink dress and Eric was astonished.
| Detective88 chapter 7 . 10/29
I gotta say, you made my favorite moment in the movie even cuter.
Here, instead again of having Twilight doubting that Marvin may not be the guy who saved her(at first since Eric didn't remember Ariel was the one who saved him until after she got her voice back, yet he still fell in love with her anyways), she knew and accepted anyways and Marvin just wrote to her, thus communicating with her still.
I also like how he interacted with Fluttershy, Spike and Applejack almost in the simular to way to how Twilight met them in the pilot episode.
| Detective88 chapter 6 . 10/29
I got to say you created a scene from the movie and put it into originality where instead of having Marvin shake his head when Dodgers gets angry with him, Marvin simply gets angry right back and even asks if Dodgers was his friends which leads to Dodgers' guilt.
I also think its' a nice touch on the parts where Marvin tests out his new pony form in front of his reflection to make sure the spell work and using writing as a form of communication. That's something that Ariel could've done in the movie to be honest when communicating with Eric, but then again.
Still, great work
| Detective88 chapter 5 . 10/29
Can I say how much I am addicted to this story?
Anyways, I really like how you made a callback to the Castle of the Two Sisters and I have to say, I thought it was funny when Hiss got pissed off that Marvin was taking too long to cross the bridge.
However, I love how Dodgers lampshaded the movie and I love the lyric change to the song to make it fit the story as well as Marvin saying that three days is cliche.
But I love the depth you gave to some of the descriptions of events like the room where Discord and Marvin talk which you are right would fit Discord's persona(even if I do like Discord better as a good guy) and the painful agony that Marvin goes through when transforming into a unicorn. I have to say, great work on that
| Detective88 chapter 4 . 10/29
I love how original you made the scene in comparison to other fics who use the part from The Little Mermaid word for word. Even I was guilty of that once upon a time.
Like you actually made Marvin actually about to grab his gun to disintegrate Sir Hiss and Kaa(best Disney team up ever) until they mention Twilight. That is like as if you know that Marvin has the instincts set on "caution" mode to know when to attack.
One criticism that I can say is that you don't have to describe Kaa and Hiss again since you did that in the second chapter. You only have to describe a character only if you're introducing someone. YOu don't have to do it if the character came back for another chapter. "
The other is that I think you should've merged the chapter with the last chapter.
Other than that, great job.
| Detective88 chapter 3 . 10/29
You got the characters in character here and it's been a while since I've watched Duck Dodgers so I give you credit for being true to the characters. I also love how the Queen still cares about Marvin even if he has gotten over his crush on her due to him falling in love with Twilight and is determined to find her friend.
I also love how the Queen persuaded Dodgers to help him find Marvin. Usually in the show Dodgers never had a crush on the Queen, but I love how you changed it for this fic.
Can't wait for more.
| Detective88 chapter 2 . 10/29
I like how you managed to pull this scene and make it your own twist. LIke instead of having the villain watch the hero before he falls in love, its right after which also sets the moment right for the scene.
I found it really cute that Marvin fell in love with Twilight and managed to save her although she doesn't know who he is at this point in time.
That has always been my favorite scene in The Little Mermaid.
| Detective88 chapter 1 . 10/29
This fanfiction is amazing and I love how it's like your own interpretation of Duck Dodgers' ending. I also love the idea of Mars and Earth's peace treaty and thus Marvin and Queen Tyranee have become friends with their former enemies.
Poor Marvin. I feel sorry for him. But I know love will come soon in the form of a certain Unicorn(alicorn now that we gone through Seasons 3-7 even though this fic was written in 2012)
I was a little skeptic with the Marvin/Twilight ship when I first read it, but then I realized that they could work due to their near similar personalities and interests(reading and star gazing). And I'm not at all worried about the interspecies relationship. I mean they did it in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and old school Betty Boop and Woody Woodpecker.
Other than that, great work on this story
| Lantern Power chapter 5 . 9/19/2015
I'm too addicted to this story.
| Nonamenonamenonameplease chapter 12 . 3/31/2014
Next, I feel that Chapters 3 and 4 should be combined since they’re too short to indicate any REAL significant changes in pacing, scenery, and circumstances. Speaking of Chapter 4, you already described the snakes’ appearances in Chapter 2. Doing so again in the same fic is just redundant, so I would remove the second occasion.
Third, the following should be reworded:
Ch. 5: ‘He then noticed a strange sculpture in the center of the room. It looked like a pedestal of five pedestals. Unknown to Marvin, the pedestal is where the Elements of Harmony…’
Change that to: ‘He then noticed a strange sculpture in the center of the room: a cluster of five pedestals. Unknown to Marvin, the cluster is where the Elements of Harmony…’
Ch. 9: "Marvin, if I don't know any better…" You mean “Marvin, if I didn’t know any better…”
You can find others if you use…well, I already told you last time.
Fourth, the following need breaks between scenes
‘"Ready!" the little trio answered. "The Cutie Mark Crusaders Operation Hook-Up is a go!" The four of them…’
‘The two Unicorns were having a wonderful time together. The first place they …’
‘I can only hope that I fulfill the spell soon, he thought to himself as they continued their stroll through the town.’
‘The two of them then enjoyed…”
‘Despite their friends' efforts to create...’
‘Later on, as the sun was setting…’
I’ll let you figure out the rest.
Finally, I feel this story copied its source material too closely, more so than the previous fic did. The following scenes were too identical to what happened in The Little Mermaid: Marvin leaving Twilight at Zecora’s doorstep; Discord and the snakes spying on Marvin; the whole deal-with-the-devil lead-in, climax, and follow-up; and Marvin’s initial meeting with Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Winona. Unlike Max to Ariel, Winona didn’t have the benefit of meeting Marvin beforehand, so how would she immediately trust him? Dogs are more territorial than you realize. And having Duck Dodgers comment on Marvin’s deal with Discord just creates understatements.
I see songs are now an issue. The one who warned you about songfics told the truth. If you look under guidelines, they clearly state that copying anything not in the public domain – including song lyrics – isn’t permitted here. Fanfiction dot net banned songfics I believe sometime around 2004. Not that it’s stopped some people anyway, but violating the rule can get your stories removed and even your account banned. It doesn’t bother me much since I may mostly skim over the lyrics since they just get in my way anyhow. Copyrights aside, I wonder if fanfiction dot net administration felt the same way? Anyhoo, tread cautiously.
BTW: The name of Twilight’s pet owl is spelled ‘Owlowiscious’.
‘As in awkward, I mean drawers closer to the ceiling…’ Heh, heh. Fiddling with the fourth wall, are we?
Overall, while still an entertaining read, this one doesn’t quite measure up to Love Gone Insane. It’s not a bad story, just a bit weaker. The bad news: Other than removing the song lyrics, I’m afraid I have no suggestions this time on how to make the aforementioned scenes more innovative. The good news: Perhaps the answers lie in those other scenes. For example, aside from meeting the three ponies and Winona, Marvin’s first visit to Ponyville mirrors that of his new girlfriend without copying it too closely. Think about it, you know? Here’s looking forward to the next installment. :)
| Nonamenonamenonameplease chapter 11 . 3/31/2014
Hello, it’s me again. So I had more catching up to do, but with The Little Mermaid and Looney Tunes this time, particularly to better grasp Marvin’s character. Until now, such knowledge was limited for me to those two old Looney Tunes shorts from The Bugs Bunny Road Runner Movie. I was never much for Looney Tunes: too mean-spirited, and I often found myself cheering more for such characters as Daffy Duck, Sylvester, Wile E. Coyote, and Barnyard Dawg. I always hated their rivals’ smug attitudes, amongst other things. Especially Bugs Bunny; ooh, don’t even get me started on him. I know a little better now, but said rivals still bother me.
Anyhoo, I can see why Marvin would make a good hero character: He’s only really a villain intending to destroy Earth when pit against Bugs; but when against Duck Dodgers – whether in the old shorts or the series Duck Dodgers – he’s more a hero on a different side. Now that I think of it, he could actually relate to Kaa and Hiss. Concerning his feelings for Queen Tyr’hanee (yeah, I know, a play on ‘tyranny’), I read somewhere that she DID date him for a bit sometime during that show’s third season. I don’t know, I’m mostly here for G4 anyway.
The whole lover bit is nice but weirded me out for a while. First off, you already noted that Marvin and Twilight are both bookish types who enjoy stargazing. Allow me to add that they also favor organization and tidiness above all, and they’re loyal yet flustered servants of their respective authorities. This makes three folks with whom Marvin would have a lot to discuss together. Still, I couldn’t help getting this strange fear of beastiality out of the deal. I mean, Twilight is a unicorn pony and Marvin is a Martian…what? For me, the term ‘Martian’ is an adjective, not a verb. I assumed his race/species must be Mars’ equivalent of humans on Earth. (On that note, I can’t help feeling that ‘earthling’ is a slur.) Was it that special ‘toon love’ I’ve witnessed, like a reverse Roger and Jessica Rabbit? …That didn’t make any sense to me. Then I encountered Chuck Jones’ statement concerning Marvin’s outfit:
"That was the uniform that Mars wore: that helmet and skirt. We thought putting it on this ant-like creature might be funny. But since he had no mouth, we had to convey that he was speaking totally through his movements. It demanded a kind of expressive body mechanics."
So I guess Marvin is some kind of Martian insect? …I’ll take it. At least it means they’re both animal people and thereby nixes the potential beastiality. *shrug* A bit of trivia: I believe Marvin’s ‘skirt-thing’ is called a chiton; Roman clothing hails back to Ancient Greece. Marvin and Twilight fighting together equals WIN. Imagine if he fought by her side in his normal form. ;) I’ll keep that in mind for later.
It is said that Ariel could’ve avoided a great deal of problems had she just written down details about the hurricane, Eric’s dumb statue, and so forth. Thankfully neither Marvin nor Twilight (eat your heart out, Eric) stoops to that idiocy here. It does paint him as a bit selfish, though, but Rarity said love will do that to someone. Here’s hoping the lesson holds through more effectively than any lesson G4 wishes to cram down our throats. (On another note, transgenderism in some other fics I’ve long since reviewed has made me leery about molecular alteration.)
Another nice touch is Spike aiding the CMC in another crazy scheme: getting the lovebirds together, no less. I think Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo would make better friends for the dragon than the Mane Six. Given the trio’s alienation amongst THEIR peers, they seem like they’d be more understanding of his problems. It also helps that they share his age range. I’m a bit surprised Marvin didn’t ask why Spike slept in a basket instead of a regular bed like everyone else. But, that’s a discussion for another time.
Discord’s development is coming along nicely. Obviously his scheme indicates that the Golden Arrow’s effects are still waging internal war against whatever corrupted him prior. ‘“True, but you could have just kidnapped me from my castle,” she teased with a smirk.’ Celestia’s getting to be a bit of a masochist, isn’t she? :P
That said, I must pinpoint the story’s bad parts. It shares the same problems as the last one and more, mostly spelling, grammar, sentence and paragraph structure, and…did I say the difference between parody and ripoff last time? Make that parody, ripoff, and tribute. The story proper keeps unnecessarily switching between past tense and present tense, it also still refers to Discord as a demon, Kaa is mistakenly called green instead of brown, that period and comma thing I mentioned for the dialogue…you get the idea. However, concerning present tense:
Ch. 2: ‘However, appearances can be deceiving.’ That can stay as is.