|Reviews for The Martian & the Unicorn|
| Nonamenonamenonameplease chapter 12 . 3/31
Next, I feel that Chapters 3 and 4 should be combined since they’re too short to indicate any REAL significant changes in pacing, scenery, and circumstances. Speaking of Chapter 4, you already described the snakes’ appearances in Chapter 2. Doing so again in the same fic is just redundant, so I would remove the second occasion.
Third, the following should be reworded:
Ch. 5: ‘He then noticed a strange sculpture in the center of the room. It looked like a pedestal of five pedestals. Unknown to Marvin, the pedestal is where the Elements of Harmony…’
Change that to: ‘He then noticed a strange sculpture in the center of the room: a cluster of five pedestals. Unknown to Marvin, the cluster is where the Elements of Harmony…’
Ch. 9: "Marvin, if I don't know any better…" You mean “Marvin, if I didn’t know any better…”
You can find others if you use…well, I already told you last time.
Fourth, the following need breaks between scenes
‘"Ready!" the little trio answered. "The Cutie Mark Crusaders Operation Hook-Up is a go!" The four of them…’
‘The two Unicorns were having a wonderful time together. The first place they …’
‘I can only hope that I fulfill the spell soon, he thought to himself as they continued their stroll through the town.’
‘The two of them then enjoyed…”
‘Despite their friends' efforts to create...’
‘Later on, as the sun was setting…’
I’ll let you figure out the rest.
Finally, I feel this story copied its source material too closely, more so than the previous fic did. The following scenes were too identical to what happened in The Little Mermaid: Marvin leaving Twilight at Zecora’s doorstep; Discord and the snakes spying on Marvin; the whole deal-with-the-devil lead-in, climax, and follow-up; and Marvin’s initial meeting with Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Winona. Unlike Max to Ariel, Winona didn’t have the benefit of meeting Marvin beforehand, so how would she immediately trust him? Dogs are more territorial than you realize. And having Duck Dodgers comment on Marvin’s deal with Discord just creates understatements.
I see songs are now an issue. The one who warned you about songfics told the truth. If you look under guidelines, they clearly state that copying anything not in the public domain – including song lyrics – isn’t permitted here. Fanfiction dot net banned songfics I believe sometime around 2004. Not that it’s stopped some people anyway, but violating the rule can get your stories removed and even your account banned. It doesn’t bother me much since I may mostly skim over the lyrics since they just get in my way anyhow. Copyrights aside, I wonder if fanfiction dot net administration felt the same way? Anyhoo, tread cautiously.
BTW: The name of Twilight’s pet owl is spelled ‘Owlowiscious’.
‘As in awkward, I mean drawers closer to the ceiling…’ Heh, heh. Fiddling with the fourth wall, are we?
Overall, while still an entertaining read, this one doesn’t quite measure up to Love Gone Insane. It’s not a bad story, just a bit weaker. The bad news: Other than removing the song lyrics, I’m afraid I have no suggestions this time on how to make the aforementioned scenes more innovative. The good news: Perhaps the answers lie in those other scenes. For example, aside from meeting the three ponies and Winona, Marvin’s first visit to Ponyville mirrors that of his new girlfriend without copying it too closely. Think about it, you know? Here’s looking forward to the next installment. :)
| Nonamenonamenonameplease chapter 11 . 3/31
Hello, it’s me again. So I had more catching up to do, but with The Little Mermaid and Looney Tunes this time, particularly to better grasp Marvin’s character. Until now, such knowledge was limited for me to those two old Looney Tunes shorts from The Bugs Bunny Road Runner Movie. I was never much for Looney Tunes: too mean-spirited, and I often found myself cheering more for such characters as Daffy Duck, Sylvester, Wile E. Coyote, and Barnyard Dawg. I always hated their rivals’ smug attitudes, amongst other things. Especially Bugs Bunny; ooh, don’t even get me started on him. I know a little better now, but said rivals still bother me.
Anyhoo, I can see why Marvin would make a good hero character: He’s only really a villain intending to destroy Earth when pit against Bugs; but when against Duck Dodgers – whether in the old shorts or the series Duck Dodgers – he’s more a hero on a different side. Now that I think of it, he could actually relate to Kaa and Hiss. Concerning his feelings for Queen Tyr’hanee (yeah, I know, a play on ‘tyranny’), I read somewhere that she DID date him for a bit sometime during that show’s third season. I don’t know, I’m mostly here for G4 anyway.
The whole lover bit is nice but weirded me out for a while. First off, you already noted that Marvin and Twilight are both bookish types who enjoy stargazing. Allow me to add that they also favor organization and tidiness above all, and they’re loyal yet flustered servants of their respective authorities. This makes three folks with whom Marvin would have a lot to discuss together. Still, I couldn’t help getting this strange fear of beastiality out of the deal. I mean, Twilight is a unicorn pony and Marvin is a Martian…what? For me, the term ‘Martian’ is an adjective, not a verb. I assumed his race/species must be Mars’ equivalent of humans on Earth. (On that note, I can’t help feeling that ‘earthling’ is a slur.) Was it that special ‘toon love’ I’ve witnessed, like a reverse Roger and Jessica Rabbit? …That didn’t make any sense to me. Then I encountered Chuck Jones’ statement concerning Marvin’s outfit:
"That was the uniform that Mars wore: that helmet and skirt. We thought putting it on this ant-like creature might be funny. But since he had no mouth, we had to convey that he was speaking totally through his movements. It demanded a kind of expressive body mechanics."
So I guess Marvin is some kind of Martian insect? …I’ll take it. At least it means they’re both animal people and thereby nixes the potential beastiality. *shrug* A bit of trivia: I believe Marvin’s ‘skirt-thing’ is called a chiton; Roman clothing hails back to Ancient Greece. Marvin and Twilight fighting together equals WIN. Imagine if he fought by her side in his normal form. ;) I’ll keep that in mind for later.
It is said that Ariel could’ve avoided a great deal of problems had she just written down details about the hurricane, Eric’s dumb statue, and so forth. Thankfully neither Marvin nor Twilight (eat your heart out, Eric) stoops to that idiocy here. It does paint him as a bit selfish, though, but Rarity said love will do that to someone. Here’s hoping the lesson holds through more effectively than any lesson G4 wishes to cram down our throats. (On another note, transgenderism in some other fics I’ve long since reviewed has made me leery about molecular alteration.)
Another nice touch is Spike aiding the CMC in another crazy scheme: getting the lovebirds together, no less. I think Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo would make better friends for the dragon than the Mane Six. Given the trio’s alienation amongst THEIR peers, they seem like they’d be more understanding of his problems. It also helps that they share his age range. I’m a bit surprised Marvin didn’t ask why Spike slept in a basket instead of a regular bed like everyone else. But, that’s a discussion for another time.
Discord’s development is coming along nicely. Obviously his scheme indicates that the Golden Arrow’s effects are still waging internal war against whatever corrupted him prior. ‘“True, but you could have just kidnapped me from my castle,” she teased with a smirk.’ Celestia’s getting to be a bit of a masochist, isn’t she? :P
That said, I must pinpoint the story’s bad parts. It shares the same problems as the last one and more, mostly spelling, grammar, sentence and paragraph structure, and…did I say the difference between parody and ripoff last time? Make that parody, ripoff, and tribute. The story proper keeps unnecessarily switching between past tense and present tense, it also still refers to Discord as a demon, Kaa is mistakenly called green instead of brown, that period and comma thing I mentioned for the dialogue…you get the idea. However, concerning present tense:
Ch. 2: ‘However, appearances can be deceiving.’ That can stay as is.
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 6 . 9/16/2013
You've made one of my favorite scenes from The Little Mermaid and made it better! X3
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 5 . 9/15/2013
I love Discord's description. Even though I know what he looks like, I'm just appreciating you for your descriptiveness:-). I appreciate your story ;-)
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 4 . 9/15/2013
I wonder what Discord and his lackies do next :3
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 3 . 9/15/2013
I love how Daffy is many people, including Duck Dodgers x3
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 2 . 9/15/2013
Hmm, I wonder what happens next :3
| Psychocatlover911 chapter 1 . 9/15/2013
Oh, I wonder what happens next x3
| ANGRY PERSON chapter 12 . 6/5/2013
YOU DON'T COMBINE LITTLE MERMAID, DUCK DODGERS, AND MY LITTLE PONY! NO! BAD AUTHOR, BAD. THATS A NO-NO! WHY DO YOU TURN MARVIN INTO A UNICORN! THATS THE WORST IDEA EVER!
| Guest chapter 12 . 11/11/2012
Yay, Twilight and Marvin are together.
| Guest chapter 11 . 11/11/2012
Double oh-no, Marvin back to his old form.
| Guest chapter 10 . 11/11/2012
Oh-no, Celestia is kidnap. I hope they save her.
| Guest chapter 9 . 11/11/2012
Rats, they almost kiss.
| Guest chapter 8 . 11/11/2012
I'm happy that all of Twilight's friends get to meet Marvin.
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/11/2012
Sweet they met.