|Reviews for The Two Goddesses|
| Guest chapter 15 . 12/29/2012
Like this chapter very much. But It would have been very good if you write about what really happen to Nanoha to make her change when inside the grey christmas confinement.
| genetic-depression chapter 14 . 12/27/2012
You're back! Welcome!, i thought u gave up on this, thanks for the depressing chapter btw haha?, but i'm still a little confused, hmm i might reread this again..XD
| Kriegskanzler chapter 3 . 12/7/2012
When you said it got longer by a lot, you really meant it. XD
Not bad. Not bad at all. I mean, Chapter 1 is still the best chapter so far, by a hundred miles. But I think the action scenes here warrant a very appreciative nod. You painted the scene well. Again, a few grammar nits, but not detrimental.
Will proceed to chapter 4 soon.
| Initializing chapter 12 . 12/24/2011
Okay, that was a lot of reading. I have a few questions though.
1) Who's Destiny?
2) Is Fate still missing?
...that's all I got. The story is getting somewhat confusing but I think I can follow the story. Anyways, see you next time.
| Andmeuths chapter 11 . 12/23/2011
Part of the problem is the chronological jump. At first sight , it seems like rather weak story-telling. But I am sure that whoever is reading or viewing these flashbacks must be jumping around for some reason.
Somehow , I suspect that the High council does know of Hayate's plan. If she wishes to be the sacrifice , so be it. They shall not impede her. And if she was right... , she is a hero . If she dies , she's a martyr and inspiration. Let her weave her webs. Let her hang herself if she believes that it may save millions.
You are good at those slice of life scenes. Very good at capturing characterization , I must admit.
I'm surprised though that Lutecia hasn't gained at least one rank by now. I am rather fond of that character by the way , so your take on her is a rather interesting one to see.
I wonder whether the most optimal outcome , in the TASB's eyes is for the same maneuver against the Defense Program of the Book of Darkness to be executed once again. A team of some of the most powerful teleportaton capable Mages , including Lutecia Alpine might well have been assembled by now to attempt to transfer the cause of Grey Christmas into orbit. A show of force in orbit is just as effective , and less damaging than an orbital bombardment...
Lutecia Alpine might well be in Mid-Childa at the behest of someone else... furthermore , who lifted her travel restrictions anyway? Is someone even higher up pulling the strings?
Somehow , I think that if you started with the initial Grey Christmas , this fic would get a better initial reception.
It seems that the TASB High Council Plan likely will unfold in three stages. A strike force , commanded by Chrono and led by Hayate will attempt to neutralize Grey-Christmas. If this first option is impossible , they will attempt to weaken the source severely enough for an orbital relocation to orbit , where the Guns of the Fleet can reduce it to nothing.
If all else fails , the TASB will commerce an orbital bombardment of Grey Christmas...
There's certainly a Lost Logia involved. I wonder whether Grey Christmas was a Belkan or even Al Hazard super-weapon unwittingly dug out.
Again though , I felt that you needed to space out this chapter , or perhaps split it into various parts. It feels again like a bunch of well written one shots compiled together...
| Arcon1 chapter 10 . 12/22/2011
Good updates. While the previous chapter was better with the serious tone to it, this was well done as well. Overall, while Hayate treats family matters with the utmost concern and seriousness, she seems to take a similiar attitude toward her job as well. Given that, I think that any romance of hers with somebody of remotely similiar constraints would likely end up similiarly to how you portrayed it in chapter 10. You do an excellent job with characterization overall.
| Andmeuths chapter 10 . 12/22/2011
I'll say this much: in the course of this fic , this chapter feels quite abrupt , almost like there's a lot of character development that was simply skipped. In fact , the structure of your fic gives the impression of a anthology of tenuously connected one-shots with alot of missing chapters in between.
That being said though , taken individually , this chapter , while not as great as the first or the previous acomplishes it's job. It conveys its feelings and emotions.
Indeed , I think that you could easily take the premises and tone of this chapter and construct an entire highly detailed Hayate X Yuno shipping fic around this.
| Initializing chapter 9 . 12/21/2011
You're improving. I could definetly feel the emotions that came from this chapter. Hope to see more soon~
| genetic-depression chapter 9 . 12/21/2011
Ok,, that was awsome, next chapter please- hehehe,
| Andmeuths chapter 9 . 12/21/2011
This is one of your strongest chapters yet . You've executed an emotional high over half a chapter , dragged in out to a perfectly balanced length and more . You've actually sucessfully conveyed that you deliberately wanted to write an emotionally charged chapter through your very words alone - I've seen some very good authors that have glossed over or flubbed their emotional highs , and I think you've avoided that pitfall well.
Well done here. And now , for the rebound - or is this just going to be a cruel , cruel Hope Spot?
Grey Christmas. Why is Christmas celebrated in TASB space?
| Initializing chapter 8 . 12/20/2011
Update soon~ this is interesting
| Andmeuths chapter 8 . 12/20/2011
The mindscrew is piling up...
| Initializing chapter 7 . 12/19/2011
Interesting~ so the clone is already activated, huh? Fate is still going “rouge”, but I wonder why. Anyway, please continue.
| Arcon1 chapter 6 . 12/19/2011
Interesting story so far. I look foward to seeing more.
| Andmeuths chapter 6 . 12/18/2011
I take it that the strange phrasing in this chapter is quite deliberate? The conversations were potentially interesting , but quite badly phrased...
For example "protect his safety and happiness." - "ensure" would be a better choice of words , protect is a strange turn of phrase.
"A few more acting the quiet, calculating protestors " - " Immediately , the objections came in ,some instinctively and others with political calculation behind it. "
"Due Respect" - " In the memory of the Six Hundered Thousand Fatalities of that day"
But 600K dead? That's basically three times the death toll of the Boxing Day Tsunami!
I advice you re-read your work before publishing , or at least get a beta. This chapter was quite poorly written compared to the previous ones.