|Reviews for The Spirit of Fire: First Contact|
| The master chief chapter 1 . 5/1
Capt Keyes father Maybe
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/11
| Invader Viceroy chapter 1 . 2/5/2015
| kyle chapter 10 . 11/8/2014
Dude why? You wrote this so well. Now that all the good crossovers are either abandoned or started to suck im done with
| ODST-Edward Buck chapter 7 . 9/8/2014
I'm sorry ABG is After the Battle of Geonosis- not Coruscant... I'm here anyway might as well read up to the end of Chapter 7, although I'll go back to where I left off. Sorry for so many comments
| ODST-Edward Buck chapter 6 . 9/8/2014
This is all supposed to be the second part of my comment for Chapter 5 but ff doesn't allow you to post more than one comment anymore... I hate that addition.-
Sorry- I meant to mention that Ahsoka should have also been restrained to the chair... That alien thing again.
And when I was making my example about explaining the force, I meant to say "pouring it into the movement of her blade" it sounds better. But also, bolding works for text communique between forces be them the GAR (Grand Army of the Republic) or UNSC
What I wanted to add in but my computer was dying is there are a few other acceptable crossovers from Star Wars to halo. I DO NOT mean this as an offense, I just believe that viewing other materials of similar ideas to what I'm writing helps me get in the groove... but these are really good fics all around.
NickKap's Noble's Eye
And NickKap's other fic- Spartan Lost (I really recommend because it's short and very well written... well both fics are)
Don113's Dark Storm Rising
Creamofwheat2311's Halo: New Horizons
And Creamofwhear2311's other fic (This one is Mass Effect rather than Star wars)- The Infinity Effect
| ODST-Edward Buck chapter 5 . 9/8/2014
I was trying to give this a shot and ignored certain aspects, like Ahsoka acting a little strange for a jedi/military officer who has spent months (maybe a year) in the field with her troops. And Count Dooku's "I'll meditate on it but don't worry about the jedi," and the whole way he asked the question... It just felt off for someone of both his stature and command.
But for me, Ahsoka's reaction to meeting the UNSC was just too much... (I'm not gonna be a total D***, I like the idea of multiple AI's and the general set-up of it. I just think a quick rewrite would make it more... Appealing/realistic).
Okay, downsides- Ahsoka's description of the jedi was far too simple, you need to remember that "Jedi are guardians of peace and justice" was good for Ep 4 but not real life. If someone gave you that response you'd smack them. And the force? I feel like Ahsoka would say it's hard to understand, and people have been trying to figure it out for thousands of years... It's like an invisible energy source within everything in the galaxy, but few people can actually tap into it. And it isn't just telekinesis, it's like stepping into another world. You can feel the world around you, emotions, movements, death- and literally manipulate it... Like when the Sith use it to burst someone's lungs in KOTOR II: Sith Lords (Assuming you're going with Star Wars lore, and no you cannot stop someone from dying, I'm not saying that.) In Star Wars it is described like... a pebble being dropped into the still pool. The water was calm, but the pebble burst through and cast ripples throughout the entire body of water. You feel the ripples of someones death, their emotions as they pass.
Another thing (And I'm breaking it up so it doesn't look so huge) is that a better segway for the whole English thing (This is personal opinion not critique of anything material-wise). Would be for the Doctor to go "You speak English?"
And Ahsoka would be a little groggy and say "What the fek is English? Where am I?"
"You're in the medbay, and English is the language you are speaking." (Or she'd just say "You're in the medbay, wait here, I need to inform the Captain you're awake.")
-Anyway, back to actual complaints (Sorry but they are). There is no English alphabet in Star Wars land, and the galactic standard is aurebesh so she couldn't read the writing. Another issue is it would be illogical for the medbay to not be equipped with a comm at least connected to the bridge. All Navy vessels do and I'm nearly positive it says in the book UNSC has 'em too. Same for cameras, you'd want to keep an eye on patients in case of any issues or foreign contaminants.
Now, here's one of my biggest issues. This is a first contact scenario, when would the UNSC send in troops without at least an orbital recce of the location (orbital recon- the ship has cameras!). Furthermore, by bringing an alien onboard, you would not (especially not UNSC) divulge any information about the government or locations or size of territory (They'd put the entire country at risk) and I'm fairly certain cole protocol declares them as enemies of the state-treasonous, and instantly executed. She would NOT be given access to information like what a MAC cannon was... Also, why no guards? This is a possible enemy spy, with unknown capabilities (proven by use of force when they first enter) of an unknown alien race. You leave an unknown creature with a lone doctor in an a closed off room with no cameras or comm...? And no face masks or hazard gear...
Last couple things. ODSTs or Marines for that matter DO NOT resemble mandalorians or death watch. Clone troopers are extremely similar because their armor was designed off of mando gear. But that's really just the helmet. And UNSC does not have any gear at any time that resembles a T-visor. They just look like soldiers in combat dress. And Ahsoka does not look that human (if you never encountered alien races except the covenant before) except from a distance, you could assume the lekku was hair. Oh and it is very strange to bold thoughts in writing. I mean italicised is always good but bold is... well if you were to use it at all I'd say (Maybe) when it's the force.. but that could be just described- "Ahsoka struggled to deflect the increasing number of blaster bolts, and could feel exhaustion begin to pile within her. Mentally, she forced herself to put her feelings in a box, just like Master Yoda had taught her. And with pain and fatigue briefly forgotten, she called upon the force for every reserve of energy she could muster, pouring it into moving her blade. Trusting the force to guide her movements from a lifetime of training..."
Okay, now from what I've read it IS good. just a little rough around the edges. Take a slow rewrite, and it'll be great... Also, if I'm being honest I only read up to about half of the chapter, but I skimmed after. And there were a couple spelling mistakes in the previous chapters like you said "I make it a habit of passing all planets we pass." Oh and yes the war is called "The clone wars by people at the time," please don't say BBY as that's Before The Battle of Yavin (Ep 4) the only reference you get for times in Star Wars (for the clone wars) is that they reformed the Calender a little before the Phantom Menace so the Battle of Geonosis (first battle of the war) happened on May 22nd, 0013 Galactic Standard Calendar and the Battle of Coruscant (Ep 3) May 15-20th, 0016 Galactic Standard Calendar. Order 66 is executed May 22nd, 0016 GSC... Another common theme is ABG (After the battle of Coruscant) - This is all just preemptive, so it doesn't come up later on.
| Dreadlord Sinister chapter 2 . 7/7/2014
Goodness gracious man you need a beta. The 'Your's...the 'your's...
| Guest chapter 10 . 2/18/2014
Hurry I can't stand the cliffhanger
| Didd23 chapter 10 . 1/29/2014
not cool dude, not cool
| Didd23 chapter 1 . 1/29/2014
well i didn't see (future) captain keys dieing this early
| EffervescentNova chapter 5 . 1/9/2014
Good chapter, except for some slight errors like calling Ahsoka Adkins.
One thing, I think you've confused the Star Trek photon torpedo with the Star Wars proton torpedo.
| EffervescentNova chapter 4 . 1/9/2014
I'm really liking this, but having the Jedi speak English was odd. Jedi supposedly have the ability to learn languages relatively quickly, what with them using the force to aid in understanding.
| EffervescentNova chapter 3 . 1/8/2014
I'm only on chapter 3, this is very interesting so far. I'm ignoring any scaling of forces, as long as it is kept consistent.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
I have a suggestion, please re-edit this, fix your grammar and spelling errors and get a Beta-reader.