|Reviews for Invisible|
| Renee Aubin chapter 1 . 4/10
I heard about this fic in a roundabout way. One of your other stories – Turning Pointe – was recommended on The Lemonade Stand. That looked very interesting but in checking your profile this one caught my eye even more. The info you selected for the summary was amazing!
I wouldn’t normally take the time to review a 3 year old one-shot, but the quality of this story was exceptional. Terrific grasp of the characters, intriguing twists on the canon setup, and smooth-as-silk writing. What’s not to love? I will definitely be checking out your other stories.
Some favorite bits:
Whoa: ‘His name was the last sound to ever pass my lips.’
‘Breathe. That was all I could ask of myself. Just breathe.’ So many markers of how “out of it” she is.
Beautifully described interactions with Charlie. ‘…although I was incapable of feeling it, as my heart had been ripped from my chest that day in the woods, my mind was able to recall the love I had for my father. My agony was not his burden to bear.’
‘The darkness slithered up the side up the house, coated my window, and plunged my room into night.’
That’s right, all you get is one failed suicide attempt, then they’re watching closely.
Oh my gosh:
‘Victoria shrugged. "So I waited. I tested. I came and went from your hospital room as I pleased. I decided a thousand times to kill you in a thousand different ways. But no one came to your rescue. No one came to protect you. And so the night I climbed into your bed and lay beside you while you slept, my flawless plan completely unraveled."’
Well said: “Oh, Edward would make me pay dearly for it, I was counting on that, but not before I left him to pass the rest of eternity feeling as I did when he destroyed my James.”
This is a twist I never saw coming: “I discovered I can sympathize with you. Because you see, dear Bella, are just as much a casualty of Edward's cruelty as I am."
There’s something unnerving about Victoria’s nearly-empathetic description of how she will kill Bella. Hmm, and of course she would bite Bella where James did.
An unexpected side effect: ‘…as I had no strength to hold them back, the memories I had locked away in the deepest recesses of my mind tumbled forward. I saw the face I had barred from my memory.’
Clever, Victoria’s murder of Bella was stopped by the shocking arrival of the wolves, as Laurent’s was in canon. Only because she has already been bit, the interruption only results in her change. AND, it turns out, the wolf keeps Alice from seeing the end of the story.
Wow, good imagination and description:
‘…a new sensation began to trickle through my veins.
It flowed through the channels of my body, suffocating and smothering the flames as it progressed. It slithered, silently robbing the fire of its fuel like a thief in the night.’
Interesting, the wolf was able to pinpoint Bella’s location by scent, but couldn’t see her.
Which would be more shocking, the mirror giving no reflection at all – common vampire lore – or her new appearance? Invisibility is a clever variation on the shield idea.
Wow: ‘And when a herd of deer wandered through the front lawn, I was dominated by instinct, draining two large bucks before I was conscious that I had moved from the front porch.
I realized, as I stood over my kill, had it been a hunter or a lost hiker that crossed my path, I would have slain them without pause.’
I was pretty sure Bella was hallucinating when she goes to their meadow for the first time and there’s Edward. A black suit? Ah, another excellent tie to canon – a funeral.
It was satisfying to see Alice get to pound on her brother for his idiotic decision. I question whether they would have been entirely ‘undamaging strikes’, though.
Oh, shivery: “I'm sorry [Charlie] said those things to you. They were meant for me." It would have been hard to see Charlie go after his favorite, Alice.
Painful: ‘"In his mind, the daughter he knew died last September," Edward choked.’
Oh, surprising that Alice’s visions for Edward are optimistic. Nasty that Bella takes it this way: ‘I repeated Alice's words in my head that he would go on and that he would be happy again - without me.’
And finally his monologue reveals what Bella needs to hear. Nice reframing of his speech to her in canon. It works as a soliloquy.
Whew: ‘And for the first time since that cold September day, I smiled.’
Did not expect a happy ending anywhere along the line! All of it was well done. Thanks for sharing.
| irishnlove2shop chapter 1 . 2/26/2014
LOVED it, and her power.
| sassystewart chapter 1 . 8/28/2013
WOW JUST WOW
| lesuse chapter 1 . 12/28/2012
Loved this story!
| Roonie chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
This was incredible, but I can't ever remember being so disappointed that something was a one-shot and not made into an extended story. Seriously, I am just SO bummed.
| Jaygm chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
| SanguineTaurean chapter 1 . 4/18/2012
The other day I was telling a friend how hard it's been to find a well written story on ffn since so many of the best have gone and taken their stories with them. I am so happy I read this o/s and realize that maybe there is a new generation of authors who will fulfill the emptiness left behind.
I wish I could remember where I saw this rec'd so they could be thanked. This is a nicely written story and it made me cry in one spot. I hope you continue writing! Thank you for sharing your imagination and this story. ;)
| shaz308 chapter 1 . 4/16/2012
Interesting twist on New Moon and her gift. Looking forward to reading more of your work, rec'd by Bookishqua, writer of Unbecoming one of my favourite fics to date. Thanks for your story.
| GinnyW 31 chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
This was so angsty. Definitely hard to read, but I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
| 2loveybunnies chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Ugh, I was so nervous there for a moment! I was afraid that something was going to happen and they would not reach that final realization! Thank God!
Of course I would love to read more, but I totally understand that you want to explore new ideas and I can't wait to read what you write!
| ladylibre chapter 1 . 1/20/2012
Well...that was amazing and suspenseful and CRUEL. How could you write something so good as a one-shot? That just doesn't seem right! Great story, but I'm kinda bummed about the one-shot thing. Okay, INCREDIBLY bummed :(
| Yodes chapter 1 . 1/7/2012
Really liked this.
| pnkats chapter 1 . 12/23/2011
That was great and a hea to boot. Thanks
| Debbie White chapter 1 . 12/20/2011
great story! it would good to do another chapter! but great job! :)
| Neilieanna chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
Wow, I really like this! I know you said it was one shot, but it would be a good story *wink wink nudge nudge* uhhhh, good job!