|Reviews for Right Moments|
| Kerambit chapter 14 . 1/19/2004
Now that Ranma is free of the time loop he can grow. THE LIMITATIONS ON HIS KI MAKING HIM UNABLE TO DEFEAT SERUNI ARE GONE. The next arc should have his development in this are portrayed. Have him grow and deal with his problems in his life and challenge happosai and cologne for real now. I love this story and I'm excited as to what you'll write next.
| Hououza chapter 14 . 1/15/2004
Ok, harsh, specific and detailed...
To be honest from time to time I find a story which defies words. One were I find my entrie vocabulary is insufficient to express how I feel. This is one of those times.
This is perhaps one of the greatest works of fan fiction I have ever read, and at this point in time as I have been reading every night for the last three or four years I think I have read in the region of two, maybe three hundred fan fictions based on multiple anime's and mangas. This is one of the best, perhaps it may even be the best I have read.
You manage to conjour the world perfectlt, capturing the essence of the manga (at least as I have read so far, only up to vol. 7) and then you add insight and philosophy, science (something I have had the misfortune to be educated in too much) and a depth that is rarely included in any such work.
Sorry that I cannot find more to say but I do not believe that I can do justice to it no matter how much more I say.
With regards to the ending I have only one suggestion...
Do not write one.
I have read so many thing and thought about it for quite a time and come to the conclusion that while anyone can write and end very few can write a begining.
Rather that providing a fixed ending provide a scenario that while displays your preference in the matter allows the reader to choose their own belief in the events that will enfold beyond the scope of the story.
I could never make an assumption about who will be chosen though, in time I have learned that the greatest sadness is to know the answer before you know the question.
I look forwards to seeing the conclusion of this story as it has been the greatest pleasure to read thus far.
I wish you luck with it and hope that all goes well and all being well I will be back here reviewing again in two months.
For now I will leave you with my longest ever review on and my usual parting message. If at any point you wish to speak with me (although I would not know why) my e-mail can be found in my profile.
Good luck & best wishes,
| Jakub chapter 1 . 1/15/2004
While question of personalities, possible fiances etc, was explored, there is few problems, that still remains untouched even after all those chapters and rewievs. First is quesion of adaptation. Huge story part is finished, and I assume, Ranma will continue his/her life outside time loop. Question is, how easily it will be for him/her to adapt. It's not apparent, but in time loop Ranma lived very comfortable and in final conclusion extremely easy life. He didn't really have to worry about ANYTHING. Money? No problem. Uncertainly? Hell, he knew exactly what peoples will say in given situation. Stress? What stress if you know, that no matter how you'll mess up, you can try again? In one word, Ranma was able to do whatever he wanted and nothing could stop him. Peace? Certeinly - as much peace and quiet as he/she may only want. If you'll look at it from this perspective, you'll see it IS comfortable situation.
Now, this very easy life creates whole load of problems when person goes back to real life. First of all uncertainty. Ranma grew accustomed to this endlessly repeating day. His whole universe he learned and explored consist of one day, which seriously limits reaction and situations of other peoples Ranma was able to encounter. As you yourself said, Ranma built a "map" of a day. He does A and given person does B. He says C and person will respond with D. Each day has it's own "map" not quite similar to previous one of previous day. Ranma would feel suddenly VERY lost, put into unfamiliar world, when all he unconciously learned about peoples, situations etc, won't apply anymore. All hard learned predictability will wanish.
Next problem with leaving eternal day is something I would name addiction to lack of consequences. Look at it this way - in the day Ranma killed. Killed Kasumi for example. Almost killed Genma. He did things that in normal situation he would NEVER forgive himself for. As it is, his concience doesn't bother him much, if at all. He grew accustomed to a fact, that no matter how he messed up, he will be able to fix it, or just try again. While conciously he will know it is not a case anymore, habbits strenghtened over years of constant repetitions, dies very slow. For example how many times he stole money from Nabiki?
One more consequences of repetition is damaged sirwival instinct. Ranma doesn't fear death. In itself it's positive, I agree. But also Ranma grew to feel on unconcious level, that he simply cannot die. Die means to find herself in koi pond whole again. As result life or death situations, that would previously result in desperate fear of death and desperate will to live, that allows to overcome odds, now would on emotional level result with reclutant acceptance "oh well, one more time...".
Quite similar problem applies to what Ranma learned about others. Let's take for example his duels with Happosai. Such duels are often like with trying to find key number to open a safe. Normally you won't be able to open in, or it would require high skils, but even not as skilled person can do it, it he or she will try enough times. Ranma attempted to defeat Happy countless times. Over time he grew to know him, his tricks, his reactions. All while Happosai was each time completely suprised by his opponent. Not really fair, isn't it? It gets worse. Each time it was exactly the same situation - or started from exactly the same situation. Any given person tends to think cenrtain things in given day, have certain ideas, and reacts in certain way. Ranma didn't realised it, but duel was totally unfair. Ranma could have tenth skills Happy had and still win. To proove mastery over Happy, Ranma would need to be able to beat him in any circumstances, from any situation. Or fight with supressed memories of earlier encounters (though even that wouldn't be really fair).
As with fights, as with peoples. Sure, Ranma grew to know them, but not nearly as well as he seems to think.
One more thing I want to bring up, is question of magic. So far Ranma did NOT even touched it. He learned art of spiritual binding demons / purifying evil etc. All what Shinto priests does. Still he didn't even learn to percept magical energy! Proof of that is, that he doesn't percept energy from his/her own and others curses. Whole area of mysticism, enchantments, curses and spells is still open. Sure, Ranma can do things that looks like spells in eyes of others, but he uses his own spiritual energy to do this, instead of mana.
Future wife. Well, is I were to freely chose, I would pick possibility where Ranma don't have a wife. I would prefer Ranma to live and experiment in a way similar to what he did till not. I know, it will not be a case unfortunatelly, to my vote goes for Kodachi. Reason? Becose it is best possibility to show and develop her as character. She is one character, that differs strongly from canon, and her life as devil hunter would only make it all more interesting. As for arguments that devil hunter cannot marry least she will endanger belover ones... let's just sey, it would be other way around. Any enemy, that may give Ranma good workout, would kill Kodachi without slighets effors.
One thing, that suprised me as never being used is lack of real relationships with anyone. Ranma was frozen in time for years. No matter what he did or said noone ever remembered it more that for 24 hours. It would have two effects. First one is, that it could make him look at those peoples less as peoples and more as automatons, wholly predicable, childish, stupid and incapable of learning. I'm not saying, that Ranma would 'choose' to see it in this way - contrary, but emotions are often out of concious mind controll, and frustraction may kill any fealings. Second effect is that when Ranma finally found someone who remembers, he/she should be overjoyed! At last real person, at last someone that could be companion. At last someone 'real'.
This brings one more conclusion. Except Kodachi and Kasumi all other girls seems to be much too immature on emotional level to be considered good candidates for life companion. All of them are in reality children plying games of adults. All of them, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo. Ranma is not - not anymore. I hope this aspect will be strongly visible in furure chapters - diference, how Ranma percepts action of thers now, to way he/she was perception them in a past, before time-loop creation.
At last one comment: I really wish you put e-mail in your profile. Reviews is form of giving feedback, I strongly dislike. Let's just say, that for one review left on I sent ten or twenty mails with C&C. And I'm sure, there are peoples that share my fealings.
| DJ chapter 13 . 1/14/2004
I forgot to mention one other point. The removal of Ranma's potential abilities for being "too powerful" is a bit of a contradiction given the lesson of the Shimmer Void. After all, as far as he knew even if he did not get the whole thing it had a strong possibility of defeating Seruni if he put enough energy into it. Instead, he sealed it and chose not to unseal it against Seruni. That should be enough proof that Ranma would be willing to seal powers on his own. Instead of removing his potential it might make more sense if they have simply told him what powers, if he should ever develop them, he should seal in a similar manner and under what conditions they would approve him to unseal them, like a world about to be destroyed by a cosmic being or something and that he would have to willing to be "audited" by Seruni after he uses them.
By the way, would that horny pooka girl creature show up for the wedding to be married to her "Queen". Or would she hang out with crazy, but unpossessed, Kodachi as her toy.
| Mr. Reader chapter 14 . 1/14/2004
Great story, please write a sequal!
Before this book ends though, perhaps you could dedicate a chapter or two to his ponderings on who he'll marry(Nabiki,Kasumi,Kadachi,or Ukyou are my preferences). I don't care wich, they were all nice, however, I don't support an Akane or Shampoo matchup,basically 'cause earlier in the story, he swore never to marry an amazon, and she isn't put in the best of lights here. Akane, well, could grow up a bit, other than that though,I don't care who he marries. While he's doing that perhaps he could learn one more skill. Nothing big, maybe a small quest where he earns this skill while searching for his perfect bride.
I'm not for multiple marriages, to much like that gaki incedent, and kind of selfish in my opinion.
And, who says he has to get married now?-Or near the end of his neverending days. As for the skill I was speaking of,perhaps something that allows him greater powers of detection, so as to better navigate with that mirror of his. (and no gay pairings!)
| Rogue1615 chapter 14 . 1/13/2004
I wish i had more to say, but i have been up to long. I have enjoyed this story greatly since you first published it.
Personally i hope he take multiple wives. He could certinaly handle it now. I am personally parshal to Nabiki. He really needs someone that has a good head on their shoulders. Specially after all the growing ranma has done.
I look forward to what you have ranma explain to everyone.
Should be interesting how you end it. Personally i am hoping for an ending with cameos showing brief glimpses of what ranma and his family acomplish over time.
Oh... Ranma still has a nuke and a space laser in his weaponspace doesn't he... He should absently pull it out in front of nabiki. she would prob know what it is. Would be funny.
| dogbertcarroll chapter 14 . 1/13/2004
Expand the section on Ranma thinking abought the
girls. A little more in depth would help.
| Kong chapter 13 . 1/13/2004
Forgot to mention the 3rd point in my first post '
3)In all this time Ranma fighting Seruni you havent shown him to have deciphered or replicated any of her techniques.
| Kong chapter 14 . 1/13/2004
Wow another excellent chapter!
but just a few points I'd like to raise.
1)Izanagi sealing and removing of Ranma's undeveloped abilities strikes me as a sign of fear, i.e. the kami Izanagi is afraid of what Ranma might do with a whole lot of power. The excuse that ranma might do something stupid out of ignorance does not really hold as the ideal solution then would be to teach the mortal how to use the powers in a good responsible way.
Also the ranma being "too powerfull" for a mortal - each of the powers sealed and removed were (implicitly) inherent in him and thus the possibility that he should not have them is - illogical. If a human should not have too many powers then why are these dormant abilities present anyway ?
Perhaps at the termination of the repeating day Happosai could refuse to recognize Ranma as a grandmaster because of the removed (potential) abilities. Making Ranma's grandmastery wait until he regains them maybe by going on a multi-dimentional traing trip with his chosen wife(s) and Happosai. It would make a great material for a multi-crossover, think RanmaSM or DBZ or Tenchi or Rifts or anything else.
Once more think- Ranma forced to regain precognition and temporal senseing as he faces down the Sailor scouts :):)
After all how can Ranma be on the path of inevitable mastery with such basic abilities removed. :)
Besides "Right Moments" being one of the better fanfics definitely deserves a sequel.
2)The fiance issue. So far the question seems to be "who does Ranma love ?"
The question not being asked (atleast so far) is
"Who loves Ranma?"
"what effect will Ranma choosing one fiance have on the others?"
In the course of the fic you made it clear (in one of the chapters) that Akane truely loves or atleast has her heart set on Ranma.
Kasumi and Nabiki dont really expect Ranma to marry them and thus even if they are passed over they wont fell as bad about it.
As for Shampoo and Ukyou - you havent really shown whether they love him or are mearly hanging on to him for the sake tribal laws or reaffirmation of femininity respectively.
From the above you can probably infer that I'm lobbying for a RA pairing :)
Ofcourse who Ranma marries either one or more is really your choice this being you fanfic. ;)
And dont forget the sequel. :)
| DJ chapter 14 . 1/12/2004
I kind of agree with the poster goku, the emphasis of the story seems to be on growing up and making choices that one can live with and reach their dreams. Given how the offers were given to Ranma before, it might be symmetrical storywise to have Ranma now give the eligibles a coresponding offer. Ranma might just tell all of them what he is planning to do for his future and what his actions are going to be no matter who he is married to and what he like most in them, then given them the choice of whether that is acceptable or for them to just walk away from the offer.
Here are my guesses of the responses if that option is chosen:
Akane: Rejects due to the idea of even considering being "just a face in the harem" and most likely ends up regretting it in the future.
Nabiki: Maybe depending on how loss of Ranma might affect the Tendos or if another sister steps up. Probably yes, if Ranma's divine connections are revealed even if it is something that would only affect future generations.
Kasumi: Maybe, depending on her other relationships (marriage prospects and religious) and what future dreams she might have. Some might view her as secretly waiting for the "prince who can take away Cinderalla from her dreary existance", but I have my doubts.
Shampoo: Probably yes, even if the conditions say that Ranma will have his home in Japan. Cologne will probably be irritated at that sort of condition though she will probably back off if she is aware that the gods are siding with Ranma on this matter. On the other hand, if Ranma divine candidacy is known the idea of having Ranma in the bloodline might be considered worth it.
Kodachi: Probably yes, though most people would regard that as scary. There is a possibility she might not accept, if she considers the conditions unacceptable.
Ukyo: Definitely yes. She has over 10 hears used up already. As long as the conditions does not prevent her from working on her business dreams she would accept it. Ranma's divine candidacy, if it revealed, would be a big bonus for Ukyo's prestige with her family (depending on how they are written which varies from writer to writer).
| william lim chapter 14 . 1/12/2004
The ending of this mini-arc with the kami planes is most excellent! I have to admit that the past 3 or 4 chapters reminded me somewhat of a run-on sentence. However, the ending makes it all come together in a flash of brilliance.
| Hououza chapter 3 . 1/12/2004
To be honest I do not know.
There are so many scenarios this could become that I could never, even in such a place as an ever repeating day, find the one I truely believe to be right.
You have set a darring premise I will say and whatever follows if it remains at this level will be a joy to behold.
I am sorry now, once again that we are only allowed 30 authors and stories on our favorites because after only 3 chapters I know this would be among them.
I look forwards to readin further and will try and provide my comments when requested.
| goku90504 chapter 14 . 1/12/2004
seriously i dont know who ranma would choose but i would like to see him simi-leave the choice to the women useing the fact that the gods gave him devine premission to marry multipule women telling them to make them selfs into groups who could share him within that group and then he picks the best group notice i said best not biggest after all quailty counts for alot in things like this
| aondehafka chapter 14 . 1/12/2004
"Cry of a Cherished Soul!" Yelled Seruni,
"Ah, damn." Said Ranma
-this is a persistent grammar mistake which I think occurs throughout the entire fic. When you end a quotation and follow it with something like said, yelled, stated, or whatever, you should not use a period but a comma, and the speech verb should be in lowercase. Because it's still all one sentence.
"Ah, damn," said Ranma
-I like the path you took with Genma, giving him credit where credit is due. And when you imply that the damage Genma has done in Ranma's life is due (partly at least) to the spiritual damage the Void did to him, and then give Genma the chance to help his son past his own struggle with the Void without taking such spiritual damage, it is quite satisfying. A measure of redemption is always nice to see, even if Genma won't remember it. This was a story development that I admire and appreciate a good bit. After all, character development for the various potential fiancee choices should be a given, since Ranma has to decide who to spend his life with, but many people would've just stopped there. Kudos to you that you didn't.
-One thing I felt was rushed in this chapter, that could have used more and clearer explanation, was the bit about the Bane of Heirs. It took me a couple of times to reread this before I felt like I had a good grasp of the Bane, why it had been given, and how it all tied into the Nanban mirror. If Izanagi had flat-out told Ranma at the very beginning of his explanation that the Bane had been given with the thought of _his_ eventual future, it might have had more impact. Not to mention the fact that the Bane doesn't even seem to have done its function that well... Izanagi, the god who bestowed the curse, says "By selecting the worst possible mate that would still make you happy, it will insure the person finally granted Power won't be smart enough to use it very well."
-so how smart would Ranma be without the Bane? Brightest star who ever rose out of humanity? All the limitations to his learning/thinking that I've ever seen seem to come more from misconceptions and flaws in his upbringing, things Genma pounded into him while he was too young to know better, or the effects of the limited socialization he had during those most formative years, or similar. If that was what Izanagi had really been aiming for, rather than a reduction in raw intelligence, it seems like it should be stated as such.
Seruni to Ranma near the end of this chapter: "If you explained at the beginning rather than insulting me and attacking, you would have spared yourself frustration and humiliation. We could have played with ki too, and playing go would have taught you even more; think about that."
-I think this could use reworking. I reread Ranma's original encounter with the Willow Tree Child, and while it is true that he was somewhat insulting, _she_ attacked _him_, rather than the other way around. And at the beginning of their second meeting, Seruni says this "And you are Ranma Saotome, son of Genma Saotome, daughter of Nodoka, the Wild One. Mom told me you were coming to spar as her champion; if you win, I agree to her terms." Nothing in that sentence gave any indication that there was any path for Ranma other than the one he took.
-As to guessing who Ranma will choose as his wife (or first wife...), I do not feel like I could do more than that - guess. Not predict with anything like confidence that I was right, and what point would there be in making a random stab in the dark? I do feel that the story has all but ensured that any one of the girls by herself will not be enough to form a real partnership with Ranma. He's just gone so far ahead while they have not been able to. And then there's the feelings he's shown for the various girls at different points (particularly the way he felt betrayed at the thought that Ukyo had slept with Tsubasa-given what _he_ has done with girls other than Ukyo, this smacks strongly of hypocrisy if he doesn't feel any sort of long-term, more-than-friendship commitment for her). Don't know what path you'll eventually take to redress this, but I am looking forward to finding out.
-anyway, I've enjoyed this story tremendously so far, and hope the next chapter comes out on the short side of two months. Thanks for sharing this with us, and I stand in awe of you for managing something this good as your very first fanfic.
| dark neminx chapter 14 . 1/12/2004
a bit of theift never hert anyone huh? hahaha is she his goddess/kami now?