Reviews for Right Moments
mynamebejane chapter 15 . 7/29/2004
I'm afraid I have to agree with Ookla The Mok. Throughout the story, it appears as if Ranma has become just like another SI Carrotglace fic: Ranma is cold, badass,to-the-point, and has been ordained with godly powers. Ranma goes from sweetly naive to a self-centered bastard. I too hope that he grows up and matures well in the end.
Kirinin chapter 15 . 7/3/2004
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your story. It was really involving, and made occasional stabs at a real deeper meaning. Can't ask for much more than that.

Here comes the specific criticism:

Ranma's definiton of sex still seems the same as it was when he was younger: that it is just taking/ taking advantage. Although he was truly uncomfortable with the idea of "using" a woman as a younger man, he seems to have simply accepted that is what men do, rather than changed his opinion. Rather than experiencing each girl for who she is, he RATES them sexually. 'Well, it was okay with her... she didn't do it like I want... she's creative...' Like they're sparring partners instead of sexual partners, he merely seems to be finding flaw in their technique. Nothing seems an emotional experience for him.

Come to think of it, he doesn't just view sex that way, he views relationships that way. The best example is the reality where he ends up with Nabiki. It 'felt' wrong on several levels. The way to marry Nabiki is to make her lots of money? That's almost like saying that Nabiki would have sex with Ranma if he paid her. Also, behaving exactly like Nabiki, only topping her, does sound like something the competetive Ranma would THINK would allow him to 'win'... but it doesn't sound like something that would work on the middle Tendo daughter. She would be more likely to see Ranma as a rival. Certainly other methods do work; for instance, Ranma impressed Nabiki in the kami realm in an entirely different and less pandering way. Ranma seems to believe that if he just exerts enough dominance and power, he can pick any girl, including Nabiki and Kasumi, neither of whom have any prior claim or prior interest.

Each of those relationship scenes has something blatantly unbelievable (or blatantly sexist) worked into its fabric. The way that he treats Ukyo (and the way that she accepts it with an 'oh, Ranchan, how CAN you tease me so?') made me blink in surprised confusion. I mean, c'mon, he slaps her ass in front of the entire crowd of people? That's a spatula-smashing offense! Again, you're assuming that if he just shows enough drive and initiative, he can pick a fiancee, order her around, and dump the rest.

Moreover, the constant power-ups, while good and involving for a longer time than I would have thought possible, eventually grate. Like the sign says, why does he keep doing it? I know that there's always an immediate goal, but overall, past a certain point those skills seem useless to me. (That could be just me.) When he was attempting to combat Happousai, I was really involved. By the time it got to the Kami-Hime-Ha, I was less involved and far less emotionally invested. Also, the curse on Ranma's ancestors was intangible enough that I didn't see Ranma's overwhelming need to conquer it. He seemed trapped in an ego spiral, just powering up because he was all impressed with himself. (I would be too, if I could discorporate and induce Kasumi to beg for my guidance.)

I guess what I'm saying with the criticism is that while Ranma became more and more impressive to himself, he became less and less interesting to me. That's often the case when you gift your hero with practical invincibility; no one can identify with him anymore. That's why Xena had Gabrielle, Buffy had Willow and Xander, and Ranma has Akane. Without a character I could identify with, my interest in him dropped dramatically.

Thus, overall, I was more impressed with the first half of the story than the latter half. The parts I loved, like the 'Perfect Scarlet Tear' (I think?), the game with Nabiki, and the combat with Happousai were all towards the beginning. I also liked the one where he killed everyone... odd, guilt-inducing, and cringe-worthy, but sort of understandable in a mad sort of way. I loved the answers everyone gave about what they'd do if they had an endless day.

This is not to say the second half was completely unworthy - I loved the signposts. They were awesome. I liked the personality of the five-year-old kami. I LOVED the fact that Genma had the cure all along. Just... so... typical of him! (Yay panda burgers!)

So Ranma is far more insufferable than usual, especially when it comes to women... but overall I really like this story. :)

Hope this isn't too much writing for a review, but I thought this story more than worth my time! Thanks for writing. :)
Kirinin chapter 3 . 7/2/2004
Heya, just wanted to tell you what I thought of your repetition story. I usually wait until I come to a stop before reviewing, but you specifically requested one at this point.

What do I think Ranma will do? Well, he can't master any new martial arts techniques, though he may study their mechanics or learn about new ones. He might put a little bit of thought into school, and into resolving his relationships - of course!

From the way you've treated minor characters so far, I'd say he's also going to get to know several of the people previously on the periphery of his life. And I'm wondering if he'll reconcile with Ryoga, Kuno, or Mousse. (Is it even possible with Ryoga? If he doesn't show up that day, he doesn't show up that day!)

It's intriguing so far, and the choppy style fits the picture you're trying to create. I always wanted to write one of these repetition stories myself... loved that episode of ST:TNG... Maybe you'll inspire me to.

Check out my stories! :) Everyone likes "Akane" best. (The story, not the character.) .
Sopchoppy chapter 15 . 6/24/2004
I have really enjoyed this story, while at times it slipped dangerously close to god-mode fics, it tempered this with lessons in humility for Ranma. You developed the concept well, and the twists were entertaining and imaginative. I eagerly await your conclusion, thanks and keep writing.

-Sopchoppy
kushan26 chapter 3 . 6/15/2004
I remember in 'Groundhog Day', all the main character really had to do to break the repetition was have the woman fall in love with him. In this, however, Ranma has to make everyone happy in terrible situation. I think that he will spend time simply getting to know each and every person as best as he can. Then, when he's ready, he will make everyone content in one day. Dunno how yet, but it will be interesting to see.

However, I am holding out for chapters of sheer lunacy, like Ranma deciding to forego clothing for a day (no one will remember, right?).
JoKa chapter 15 . 5/24/2004
i'd like to see nabiki as ranma's choice, simply because she's the only one who can still light a candle compared to him...and i think the other ones are too demure (and as such, boring) while nabiki's feisty and defiant...i just like mischievous and cunning girls, it's more of a challenge.
i don't think you should cut too much of your story...i liked the stuff, it made everything a bit more vivid and realistic in my mind.
love your story.
[and sorry if i misused some words a little bit, it's quite late at the moment and i'm no native english-speaker]
SomeRandomGuy chapter 1 . 4/23/2004
Where is the final chapter to this masterpiece? I check on this site every day for a new post, but I don't see anything. If you're posting the final chapter on another site, at least tell us where!
Honor chapter 15 . 4/13/2004
I didn't feel the 'tangents' detracted from the story, save for the bit where Ranma attacks the army base, rifles the secret files which he can't read, and makes a comment about Nabiki.
antvasima chapter 14 . 3/29/2004
(I don't have the time available to write an extensive review right at this moment, but will try to write one later if I manage. This short suggestion is submitted more as a quick contribution, in fear of missing the train completely _-)
So, who should Ranma chose?
Well, to summarise the various candidates: Kasumi is the most deserving, Akane is the most needing and Ukyo has the highest potential, is the most diverse and compatible. Since this is a fantasy setting, I'd suggest marrying all three, in the deal considering that Ukyo and Kasumi would be the two Akane might have the easiest time to adjust to.
Regarding Nabiki, Kodachi and Shampoo. Well, apart from the fact that they all range from vicious, self-righteous ruthlessness and extremely negotiable morals to manipulative, malicious evil, I really can't see Ranma getting along with a woman who would try to dominate and subjugate him. Not to mention, as you yourself have said, that Shampoo is the only one of them who might have felt something akin to true love for him in the first place.
Complicating the deal somewhat is the fact that your version of Ranma has evolved to be a good deal more amoral and egotistical than the original. The Nabiki of your world isn't nearly as nasty and has some hidden depths (pun not intended _). For example shown in Izanagi’s comment that she has an ancient soul and that her manipulative behaviour is a way to deal with an overactive libido. You’ve also made Kodachi more capable to complement Ranma when dealing with magic and she will be considerably saner when all is said and done, but all that will result is that she will become a far better planner in executing whatever schemes she might think up. Not to mention that she will realise that she wasn’t all that interested in Ranma in the first place.
Finally it’s your decision, but personally I’d see it as a considerable stretch to pair him with the last three (Not that this seems to stop most writers _-)
Best Wishes
Velixwar chapter 15 . 3/27/2004
Really good story. In this chapter i'm curious about Genma's motive in reapplying The Bane od Heirs on Ranma.
papillon2 chapter 15 . 3/15/2004
Over so soon? Hrm. That is sort of problematic, for reasons listed in previous reviews.
The main problem with this past chapter was that the futures were so *odd* and *silly*, I wasn't sure whether or not we were meant to be taking them seriously. I figured it was a side effect of trying to see the future - you'd get possibilities, but they wouldn't be very likely, and they'd become less likely through the act of your seeing them. But the chapter eventually didn't seem to take that angle.
The other issue - and Groundhog Day also failed to deal with this, it was outside its scope - is that the perfect understanding of time necessary to work miracles and completely control your destiny is supposed to LEAVE you after your endless day. Potentially causing problems with anyone you won over using only those methods, and also making it unlikely that you could keep every microsecond's worth of decisions necessary to reach any particular future - you'd no longer have the practice. He can spend one day tweaking the stock market and making Nabiki rich, but what happens when she expects him to do it again?
Also, the possibility that *needed* the most exploration, from Ranma's point of view, was never touched on - and that's Kodachi. He knows from his timeloop that she's more than she appears, but he still doesn't really know her, or what being with her would be like long-term. At this point in time she is sort of the best match for him, as she is more able to understand and share his bizarre experiences and power level than the others. Some others are willing to go gallivanting off with him, as we saw with the Ukyo/Kasumi setup, but they aren't really well set-up to deal with a lifestyle that involves kamis at this point. They need a power boost, and unless he knows a way to give them one...
darkwoofe chapter 15 . 3/4/2004
Very cool story. I'm looking forward to the next chapter
DerektheRogue chapter 15 . 2/26/2004
Very Well Done!
I'd been hoping someone would do a story like this.
Keep up the GREAT work!
Derek The Rogue
kanemi chapter 3 . 2/18/2004
I have this odd feeling that Ranma is going to lose it and go on a killing rampage. You already have him in a situation in which, no matter what he does, he cannot escape without tarnishing his honor. Since honor is the most important thing to him, except perhaps the Art, he cannot win. Then, having him in a situation where his actions don't matter, he is going to do some serious venting.
Ookla The Mok chapter 13 . 2/9/2004
Okay, I think I have a better handle on what's bothering me most about this fic.
Groundhog Day succeeds because Phil starts off a bad person, and in trying to achieve his selfish goals, he gets sidetracked into accidentally becoming a good person (the turning point being when he tries to save the dying homeless man), after which he gets what he wanted and much more, making life better for everyone around him in the process.
This story does not succeed because Ranma starts off not a very good person, seeks and gets his selfish goals, without becoming a better person. Unless you have a big surprise for us in moments15.
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