|Reviews for The First|
| Stillwaterrs chapter 1 . 1/11/2012
Good start. I like your descriptions, and your spelling & syntax are good, which makes your story easy to follow and keeps the reader from being distracted. I have a couple of questions, though...a bit nitpicky, I admit, but I try to pay attention to details. How is your mystery mutant able to step forward being held as she was? Why was Jesse out in the rain when he could have awakened them via comlink? Is there significance to Jesse driving the Mustang back as opposed to one (or two) of the others?
You make an effort to tell the reader what the characters are thinking, which is good. Take your time with it. Try to make it even, though - when you describe one (Shal waking from the dream), describe both (is Brennan dismissing her dream, is he concerned but not overly, or is he just not awake enough to offer much)? I'm glad to see you using character movement/descriptions to help portray feelings. Very few here do that.
Welcome to the site - I look forward to reading more of your story.