|Reviews for Protect and Serve: To Protect|
| Aureleis chapter 16 . 6/17/2012
Beautifully written. I love this. The originality and ease that the story was written with are wonderful; I couldn't put it down. You can be sure I'm heading to read part 2 now. Just fantastic.
| cbrstrshp chapter 2 . 6/12/2012
I absolutely love Lane, she is kick ass!
| Onhiro chapter 15 . 6/5/2012
I've read up to this point, and have thoroughly enjoyed the story. However, I do have some minor concerns that are me just being a nitpicky guy...partially from being in the military myself. I really do want to start off and say that this is a good story, and I look forward to finishing this one and starting on the next, and that the things I've noticed are things that the normal layperson (particularly the normal person who reads fanfic) wouldn't notice.
Lane. Awesome character, and she kicks some serious butt. I like her personality, and though she does have some sueish tendencies (as you've noted yourself) she's well rounded enough that she not outright a Mary Sue. What is it with people and Mary Sues having red hair? Huh. Anyway, a Marine is a Marine, not a soldier. Like I've already said, that's something the most civilians wouldn't even recognize, but being in the Army and with friends in the USMC, the two branches are very distinct about that. I would not recommend going down to the USMC recruitment office and asking if you could be soldiers like them. At first I was concerned at how you said she was a Scout Sniper, but then you went on to say that she was an exception, so that was okay. The Marines would figure out that she was exceptionally skilled, even if they didn't know the reasons behind those skills, and they'd exploit that. The North Koreans torturing her...I don't know if they'd be more lenient because she's a woman. The North Koreans do, after all, have an all woman assassin unit that worked for Kim Jong Il. And as a female, she would be more the target for rape and sexual assault. I did like how you mentioned that the isolation was the worst. I'm no interogator, but I do know that one trick is to leave someone isolated and then send someone in who acts friendly. The prisoner would rather spill their guts then be left alone again. But yeah, the NKs are vicious bastards, and I don't know if they would take it easy on her. Just my thoughts.
Her firearms. The Glock actually doesn't really have an external safety. I can't remember which chapter it is, but you mention her turning the safety back on. The safety is automatically disengaged when the trigger is pulled (there are actually three internal safeties) and they are reengaged when the trigger is released. Also, as a soldier I know that a Marine, particularly a Scout Sniper, would never ever ever ever destroy his/her weapon when it could still give them a tactical advantage, as she did. I understand that she was going from Earth to Arda and it was very symbolic, but not only did her handgun save Rumil's life, but she's been practicing swordplay for all of what, a few months? Orcs have been doing it their entire lives. And true, she knows some martial arts...I think it's the L.I.N.E. self-defense, but that's just off the top of my head, I can't remember exactly. But you have to be a little careful with that. A warrior, particularly one that trains in melee combat (swords, axes, spears, staffs, etc) is well aware that the sword isn't the only weapon they have. She wouldn't be the only one who knows how to kick and sweep feet and punch in the middle of a sword fight. Her particular style might be fancier and more effective than most unarmed styles in Arda. That's the only part where I'm thinking Mary Sue with Lane. These guys have been doing it for a long time, and combat is dirty as hell. She wouldn't be the only one who magically knows how to use feet and fists and headbutts in melee combat. Her handguns would provide a safety measure until she actually got good enough with her sword to be proficient.
Case in point, you look at Aragorn versus Lurtz (big scary Uruk-hai guy from TFOTR the movie). Aragorn is 87 and is very skilled with a sword. He almost loses against Lurtz. A gun would be the perfect equalizer, and the Marine in Lane would recognize that. Sure, once all the ammo is expended, disassemble the guns and throw them into a river or a swamp or something, but they are useful tools to be had. Now, I wouldn't be surprised if you're thinking, 'She got rid of those weapons not only to sever her ties with Earth, but also to cause less of an impact the storyline.' Here's the thing with that. Just by being there, just by being present, she's changed things. Once she realized what was going on, she should have split, left and gone her own way. Keeping the morale up, talking with Boromir, everything that she's done influences the story in one way or the other. I wrote a fic called 'The Dark Wanderer' where a half-vampire named Durandir (Gary Drew, now that I look back on him, but he was SUCH fun to write) goes to Middle Earth. He screws with the story every way he can, striving to make things better. Some things he couldn't stop, like the Balrog taking Gandalf. That was supposed to happen, and no force on Earth or Middle Earth could have stopped that. But elsewhere he does things to change the fate of those around him. Looking back, my writing is much better now, but it was a fun story to write. The point is, if her very presence has changed things, why not try her hardest to make things better? Once Frodo and Sam leave the party, she can't do much to screw with their future, but she can do things to help the others. Mary and Pippin are also needed to wake up the ents, so they'd have to be taken...dang, there really isn't that much that she can do. I wonder if she could figure out how to save Boromir. The handguns would have helped with that.
But yeah, going back to your story. I'm slightly confused at how Fae are evil creatures. Like, are ALL Fae evil? 'Cause historically speaking, Fae (including the Germanic elves) are not human and therefore fickle and at times cruelly mischevious, but they aren't necessarily evil. Yes, you have the Seelie (good) and the Unseelie (not good) but it's not like the Fae that you've described. Your Fae actually sound almost like vampires (shudder). Really cool in the evil of them, but...not like the Fae of folklore. Yes, your story, and it's a route not normally taken (I was delighted to find out that that's how she was telepathic, instead of you just saying that she was just because, which would have been Mary Sue-ish) so there is the originality there. Well done.
The point of this entirely too long review (lol) is that it's a great story, and I look forward to finishing it, but there are some minor details that would have made it even better. A more thorough explanation on what exactly the Fae are, a better understanding of her firearms (the Glock safety), the fact that she's a marine and not a soldier, maybe tone down her superiority in melee combat that might not have existed (this could be offset by using her telepathy to sense the attacks of the enemies around her, allowing her to react to attacks before they happen, something that would take time and practice but would become invaluable), and maybe the biggest thing (in my humble opinion) would have been her keeping her firearms. Sure, she's not going home, but those are tools, and useful ones until she runs out of ammo. They might save the life of either herself or one of the Fellowship...she doesn't know how she's already impacted the story. I had to deal with that in my own story. Durandir knew a lot of what was going on in the story until his actions had impacted the story enough to change things around. Even with her low key presence, she's bound to have changed something, even by now.
Anyway, I hope this review didn't annoy you, and hopefully it gave you food for thought. If you ever decide to write another story like this, I'd be glad to act as a military advisor, or something of the like, if you'd so be interested. And that's not just for fanfic, but in any of your works. Let me say again that I really did enjoy this story, a lot, and I'm going on to read the rest of it now. As I have said so many times before to so many authors:
KEEP ON WRITING!
| Lucy Greenhill chapter 16 . 3/21/2012
Hey! I just read your story and I totally loved it! xoxo
| Jayn chapter 17 . 3/15/2012
I squeeked! No really! When I realized that you finished part one! Oh, I know it has to happen that way but she tried! That has to count for something. This has been an amazing adventure and I am happily clicking over to go to Part 2!
| safa56bmc chapter 16 . 3/9/2012
oh dear me..oh my..will the orcs take she be a captive with merry and pip..what will happen now..oh boro still dies?..sigh..plz let her fall in love with legolas,if she doesnt want him,i swear...i will do her harm and then i will take legolas for me..
| WinnieFawn chapter 16 . 3/8/2012
GAH! I'm so invested, it's terribly wonderful 3
I have always thought that this particular part of the story, from a 10th walker point of view, has got to be one of the hardest. The political implications of saving Boromir makes him so much more difficult to decide on. Haldir is different, he did live in the book so it's not that odd that he should live in these stories as well despite his death in the movie- he has no standing in the sense of what his survival means for Gondor, and what it means as far as Aragorn becoming King. Boromir is a tough decision, tough, tough, tough...
I do like that Lane has her moment with Frodo, some stories lose track of the little Hobbits when things start really winding up- it's nice to get a bit more of their perspective as they do happen to be rather important little men.
My favorite moment though, was when Legolas stood silently. That means a lot, when a friend doesn't have words but knows not to need them. sometimes thoughts and words just get in the way- just being beside you, being a friend, is what a person needs sometimes. I just really liked that moment.
Wow, could I have made this any longer? Can't wait for part two- things are really going to start building up from here!
| EmilyEverlasting chapter 16 . 3/8/2012
Oh the suspense! That was a very nicely written action scene. I practically had my face pressed to the computer screen, which is slightly more embarrassing than having your nose in a book. :D
| Livia09 chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Thank you very much for the first book! I'm sooo looking forward to the second. I shed some tears over Boromir's death, as was expected, but I liked that Elaina at least tried to save him. Better for her conscience. And I just decided to start you story over because I read the first chapters on my husband's smart phone which lessens the pleasure immenseley :) Lots of Love from Germany Livia
| treewitch703 chapter 16 . 3/8/2012
great action scenes and you caught Tolkein's voice perfectly.
| watergoddesskasey chapter 16 . 3/8/2012
| Lexiful Sunshine chapter 16 . 3/8/2012
ooooh... now i get the title hahaha. oooh i hope the 2nd book comes out soon :)
| Katia0203 chapter 16 . 3/7/2012
| Nameless-Sinner chapter 16 . 3/7/2012
Thank you for updating. *tear* Boromir's death is still hard to read, no matter what story. :'(
| Jayn chapter 15 . 3/7/2012
Aw, Legolas should just say something. Its his own fault for giving her the impression that he doesn't care. But its cute how they interact! What I'm really curious about is how she is going to act during Boromir's fall, and how the remainder of the fellowship will respond, again. Oh! Then when Gandalf comes back! I can't wait for more chapters. :)