|Reviews for Forgive Me|
| OrihimePony21 chapter 5 . 9/26/2014
Keep going I love it!
| Unit-Omicron chapter 1 . 9/18/2013
Good day to you, another humble Spyro the Dragon writer coming in to review this little story.
This was a decent first chapter. It seemed a little bit...distant to me, to put it plainly. The action in this chapter was a bit far off and seemed like the narrator didn't truly know what was going on. The character descriptions, however, were good. The concept of a Time Dragon intrigues me, and I hope you develop on its backstory a bit more in upcoming chapters.
The description, like I said, was good. I hope to see some dialogue and character development later on, but this was decent all around for a prologue. Onto chapter 2.
Dominis det vobis fortitudo. -Unit Omicron
| HKGhost chapter 4 . 9/18/2013
Another, interesting chapter. I will say that uch. Once more, a lot to be expanded upon. THe whole chapter. WHOLE chapter. More about the fight, Whitefury, Raze, everything.
You are a good writer, you just need to spread things out. ALOT!
I am sorry if I sound like a troll, but their ny brutal honesty, I hope you contact me so that I can help you.
| HKGhost chapter 3 . 9/18/2013
This was a nice fight scene, but the whole thing could have been expanded. A fight scene like this should have been much, much longer. And, you didn't end in a cliffhanger. I will be frank, and pretty harsh. That ending was lazy. It would have been better to, at the way you have it written out, to include the next scene. This chapter is too short.
Another thing, you never explained Raze's background, so we know nothing o the stakes. That could have been fixed.
My honesty will come out now. I see potential. A lot of, lot of, great potential. But you need to shape that. I have checked out your profile, and the 'first time' excuse left validity town on a bullet train. You have the experience, you have the potentail, just not how to use it to its fullest.
| HKGhost chapter 2 . 9/18/2013
Okay, once more, seemed more like a recap. But it was much more filled out then your first chapter, and much better. You have gave your character, Temporal, more motivation. Now, he is no longer a power mad dragon, but a revenge filled one. Somewhat detracts from the originality of the idea, but this is still new. You're still on an unbeaten path.
This is the time in the review where I point out scenes that you could have made longer: The first two paragraphs. Sure, you told us that Spyro and Cynder are mates, but you TOLD us. You didn't let their actions suggest that they were mates, just friends that may be in love. This could have been made longer if you expanded on their playing, went on a bit about how the years have changed them, and also explained more about Spyro's reluctance to mate.
The second place is Temporal's lair. You could have given mysterious clues to what the machine does, Elaborated on the myths/history behind Raze, or the Sea Serpent Flute. Perhaps stated that 'Temporal learned the art of summoning from his father, one destroyed by Spyro himself.' that would have hinted towards Temporal's origin, as well as kept a certain mystery. Not a large one, but it would have made the readers wonder till it was revealed.
Place three is adding a scene between the end of Temporal's scene and the beginning of Spyro and Cynder's. One that elaborated Raze's personal thought of facing spyro, a bit about his personality, and also why he wants the Flute. Would have bulked up the chapter, and added a bit more depth.
You seemed to have created your own creature, one that is already manifesting signs of development. Raze, that is. Also, Temporal is coming along nicely. Good Luck with your story.
| HKGhost chapter 1 . 9/18/2013
Umm, if they are born every century, which is one hundred years, then purple dragons would be three times more rare than them. "this is because Purple dragons are born every ten generations, which about thirty years. Do the math.) And also, wouldn't Spyro be more powerful? I mean, he has all the abilities, and that includes Time.
Onto the good points. This is a nice Idea. I say idea, because the writing can't stand up to it. We already have a motivated villain, a mysterious machine, and a character with the potential to be good or bad. A great base for a story. But what you have right now seems like a recap, and not an actual chapter. I will move one to the rest of the story, and I am sorry for the harshness of this review.
| gr4n1t3 th3 dr4g0n chapter 3 . 7/30/2012
like how u used the lancer from G.O.W. in ur story. also like the story line so keep those chaptrs rollin! gr4n1t3 th3 dr4g0n out... PEACE!
| wuffser chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
Funny thing is I have no freakin' clue WTF is going I kept reading hoping this would improve and I would get some semblance of whats going on. I'm even more confused. Seriously no rhyme or reason to ANYTHING that is going on. Stuff is introduced, forgotten, killed, ans blown up at such a rapid pace that I don't care. The ideas are neat but they seem to be stuck in the plot outline mode.
But here is your worst problem. YOU DON"T EXPLAIN ANYTHING and if you do, it's immediately disregarded or forgotten entirely (sometimes both). Please for the love of all things good explain.
Who, What, When, Where, Why. Make sure that only one question remains when your done. Will there be more?
| Starduster the Dragoness chapter 2 . 4/16/2012
What a cool story you have here, it seems to be progressing nicely!
I was just wondering, if this time dragon is more rare than a purple dragon...wouldn't it be born like every two centuries, because a purple dragon is born only every ten generations which is about 100 years or more, unless you meant more powerful that a purple dragon, which is unlikely since Spyro has the Time Element...
Oh and after every character talks you need a new paragraph, it will not only look neater, but you're chapters will look longer and more professional and less confusing.
Enjoy your writing, and I will keep an eye on this story.
*Starduster The Dragoness
| SideSwipe124 chapter 2 . 4/14/2012
Haha, I almost forgot about this book because it's been so long! One tip thought, after someone talks press the enter key.
Example A, (I shall take some characters from my story and make a weird example)
"Zeyra!" shouted Isk, "Where are you? We were going to have cookies and milk!"
"I'm right here," Zeyra said.
See? Just a little tip. But the story looks good though. :)
| A Resistor chapter 2 . 4/12/2012
I'm literally speechless... 1000 words and I'm already captivated with this story, this is certainly one of the better ones that I've read, please continue with it! All hail Neo Dragon X!
| SPYRO the purple savior chapter 1 . 3/18/2012
is there more?
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
This is much too short
| SideSwipe124 chapter 1 . 12/24/2011
Okay this is turning into a legit story. A couple of spelling errors but it happens.
| The 5th Dragon Guardian chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
Hmm sounds like the start of an epic story!