|Reviews for King of Blades Tricolor Swords|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
| anonymous chapter 4 . 10/16/2012
that last part of chapter 4 was just too amazing. so much that you have ruined all other fanfics for me.
| twigggy chapter 7 . 9/19/2012
Are you sure about Fail's alignment? She doesn't seem particularly evil, not relative to the actual villains anyway.
Mind you, this is the same classification tool that called Gilgamesh chaotic good, so yeah.
| SilverIceRing chapter 7 . 9/15/2012
At the start, it was really hard to follow your story. Not because it is bad, but because the writing style is so different from anything I've seen before. It is almost like reading a translated Japanese light novel, or a very poetic translated visual novel. To put it simply, this story feels like as if someone translated it to English from another language. That is not necessarily a bad thing though. Just different. And very interesting once you get used to it.
The plot is so much different too. Archer doesn't seem to hate his younger self, Shirou seems to actually feel great sorrow for the dead (which in the visual novel he didn't, due to being used to seeing dead people from the fire and his own twisted personality), and the entire town was annihilated. It just seems to be one twist after the other for me.
This last bit in this chapter really threw down a bomb too, with Alter confronting Archer about something she shouldn't even know. He can't be Heaven's Feel Emiya, and she shouldn't remember a previous Grail like Blue Saber... It is such an intriguing mystery! It is also such a frustrating cliffhanger!
And I can't do anything but wait to find out more. Ah, such is my luck. So all I can say now is, update again soon!
| flan bridge chapter 3 . 8/31/2012
berserker's weapon is a sword not a mace
| Nombredeusuario chapter 7 . 7/19/2012
Awesome fic, waiting for next chapter
| TheDivineDemon chapter 7 . 6/25/2012
Please sir, can I have some more?
| A chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
| CryingCicada chapter 7 . 5/22/2012
Jeez it's been a long time since I reviewed something. Okay, the story is fairly awesome and something I haven't seen before, your characterisation is good and all. But, the main problem I can see is mainly sentence structure, your sentences sometimes seem slightly strange and disjointed, almost in the wrong order. It's still understandable, just strange. And occasionally you use the wrong form of is/are our you don't agree the verbs. Other than that, great story, keep it up!
| tristan61 chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
bonjour (ou bonsoir)
Cette oeuvre est extrement prometteus.
La qualité de votre texte, le schéma de l'histoire, la construction du mystere... tous c'est élement s'assemblé parfaitement, de maniere cohérent et detailler.
C'est oeuvre est... belle (warning : c'est un compliment, pas une déclaration, je suis un chromosome Y n'ayant d'yeux que pour le chromosome X)
Dans l'oeuvre original des studios Typemoon me laisse toujour un sentiments de mélancolie qui me reste des jours durant (Ce qui demontre la qualité de leurs créations, peu d'animé peuvent se gausser d'atteindre le coeur des gens)
Dans l'univers des studiot Typemoon,la création d'une fanfiction Fate/stay night ou Tsukihime prend un tout autre sense par rapport a la litterature classique...
avec l'aspect du Kaleidoscope, la troisiéme sorcelerie maitrisée par Zelretch the Wizard Marshal, fait que chaque fanfic a le potentiel d'etre une des facettes de c'est infinie dimensions parallele rattaché à cet univers... tout en enrichissant au passage l'oeuvre original.
Je sais que souvent les histoires ne finissent pas forcement bien
Je sais que parfois les histoires finissent mal
Je sais que les situations peuvent etre compliquée, que c'est le contexte qui veut ça.
Je sais que les relations humaine (ou esprit héroique) sont toujour, toujour plus difficile quelle y paraisse.
Je sais que qu'il est insensé croire que tous le monde vivra heureux pour toujour.
je sais que la guerre c'est moche, parfois vraiment moche, et quavec la magie cela prend un aspect encore plus moche (Caster, Gilgamesh, Zouken... dieu que je les hait surtout les deux dernier)
Pourtant, j'ai l'espoir, l'espoir que parmis c'est innombrable dimensions une fin positive arrive... un happy end capable de contrebalancer la mélancolie de l'oeuvre original...
Et j'ai honte, vraiment honte que pour arriver a un tel résultat de terrible événement doivent survenirs.
Que m'importe que des gens puissent souffrir tant que Shirou (et par son biais Archer), Saber (toutes les SaberS),Rin, Sakura, Taiga et illyasviel soient en sécurités.
Que m'importe le destin d'inconnue soient de mourrir si eux puissent etre heureux et en paix?
Il est Heureux que pour c'est inconnues je ne soit pas un protagonise ou un esprit héroique, je virerai suremtn anti-héro.
Mais je m'égare du sujet
Votre oeuvre 'le roi des lames aux épées tricolore ', à un exceptionnel potentiel...
Un scénario unique mais fidele a loeuvre d'origine.
Trois servante de la caste de saber, trois femmes etant la même personne à l'origine ayant chacune emprunter un chemin different, qui malgré cette difference de voie ont toutes été brisées...
réunie autour d'un jeune homme tout aussi brisée...
Dans l'oeuvre original Shirou est Saber sont puissament liée est malgré tout, cela ne suffit pas.
Souvent à cause de l'obsession de Saber et de la (trop) grande empathie de Shirou.
peut etre que la confrontation des trois sabers leur ouvrira de nouvel perspective, peut etre que la guidance d'Archer permettra à Shirou de trouvé un nouvel équilibre ...
Mon optimiste est aussi du aux fait que le groupe de sabers puissent généré leur propre prana... comme des etre vivant et non comme des fantome voué à simplement diparaitre dés que la batterie/magus est a plat/éventré/réduis en une masse sangland/indisponible(d'ailleur ce fait ma excité mon imagantion et j'attend avec impatience de voir si mes théories s'approche des votres...).
J'attend avec impatience les progrés de votre oeuvre elle vaut le détour.
Bonne chance pour la suite.
| ariel stormcloud chapter 3 . 4/30/2012
| fg7dragon chapter 7 . 4/26/2012
Awesome story so far. I loved the ending - It's always the quiet ones that surprise you.
Hope you update soon.
| A chapter 7 . 3/19/2012
| Sacchin chapter 5 . 3/13/2012
Man; I really love this! I like how you describe the fight scenes; also those funny moments! xD I hope you continue to update this! :D
| Vegeta the 3rd chapter 7 . 2/17/2012
Alright, read the whole story up into this point, so here's my overall review thus far. First the bad;
Seems like you kind of exaggerated Shirou and Archer's affinity for cooking, to the point that they treat kitchens like holy sanctuaries. From what I recall of the series, they were never THAT akin to kitchens... let alone Archer literally making everything out of swords. I mean, he has UBW but its that kind of exaggeration that discharms a character realistically. (Not to mention Shirou somehow being a closet pervert. Granted it would come up but he seemed more in control in canon than here...)
I'm sorry, but the grammar is rather bad. Not so bad that I can't make sense of it, but the tenses and the phrasing is very much obvious. Like, you don't say "You've no idea" as opposed to "You have no idea", or say "servant" when you're clearly referring to the plural form, like "servants". I understand that your original nationality and language is French, so you might get the phrasing mixed up, but I think you need to get either another beta or have 'TheSilentnight' check more thoroughly. Like here, right from the start of Chapter 7:
- "Shirou doesn't need to fight, we servant will." Pause. "Why should we listen to you, Archer?" Azur asked again, there is hate and furor. The proud King of Knights couldn't accept the disaster that had fallen over the town. Still that wasn't his concern. Archer didn't feel angry, he merely turned to face them and spoke in an even yet cold tone.
"Shirou doesn't need to fight now, that is what we servants are here for." Azur insisted. She paused. "Tell me Archer. Why should we listen to you?" Azur asked in anger and fury. The proud King of Knights obliviously couldn't accept the disaster that has befallen the town. But Archer didn't feel any concern for her. He didn't feel angry either and continued speaking with his back facing them and said coldly. -
I can tell the first part is your original, and the second is his clearly reordered phrase, but I actually did a double take when I realized I was reading the same paragraph twice, even if the words were shifted. To be a beta means to read over any errors and spelling mistakes and spruce it up so people can understand it. Sure we can already understand it to an unconscious level, but it makes a work seem more professional and clean, and worth attention.
Now for the good:
You managed to take a very good story idea, one that would immediately be, as you said, 'crack' material, and make it interesting. Lily, Azur, and Fail reasonably question their unique position and take a while for the trio to try and settle things, so much as to go with simple alias other than Colored Sabers (White, Blue, Black). Its plenty nice to see how diverse in personality they are. Lily is protective yet innocent, Azur is steadfast and loyal, Fail says shy one liners and takes point a lot (due to her curse but still).
You also threw canon out the window pretty much as soon as Archer and Rin made a strategic retreat and not seeing Shirou again until the next few days. The resulting consequences from that, as well as Taiga keeping him home, pretty much spawned and epically hilarious rumor of Shirou being a typical harem anime protagonist (how the 'holy warriors' going against the demon king assumed he said Fail like a burn phrase to them instead of warning his servant not to go too far was just a hilarious coincidence thrown in).
It wasn't just the slice of life stuff either; Ilya's Berserker lost one of his lives from the Sabers which convinced her enough that her 'brother' can handle himself somehow. Caster, possibly, grew REALLY frantic of having to face three Sabers and sought an alliance with Rider, but it backfired, forcing her to kill Shinji, hide from Berserker attacking her base, and needing to cast a mass field of energy drain causing a mass homicide. Not to mention Gilgamesh and Lancer make an early appearance, which give the Sabers and Rin warning of two Archer classes (which wouldn't be THAT odd, considering three Sabers). In short, you're making this into a story you can call unique and your own, instead of following the footprints of any of the three canon routes (Fate, UBW, and Heaven's Feel).
Your writing is a bit of a mixed bag though. On the one hand, it's VERY wordy and tends to lose me in how much information you're written without making it entirely clear via your adjectives and similes, among other literary techniques. However, it's still descriptive and shows a lot of weight and interest in the story. It's both bad and good, but it needs to have a sort of balance so anyone can read and understand. Kind of like how the original visual novels go, if that makes sense.
As a whole, this story has some holes that could be handled better, but its mostly technical grammar and phrasing issues. Despite them, King of Blades Tricolor Swords is a really impressive take on 'more than one Saber' plot idea, and would love to read more. I'd also be willing to help out on betaing, if that's alright.
-Vegeta the 3rd