|Reviews for Bioshock: New York Trouble|
| Black sword 1 chapter 6 . 6/30/2014
So far so good Sofia lamb is a pain in the ass that will never change looking forward to chapter 7 see ya next time
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 6 . 3/31/2013
Thank you for the update! I was worried you weren't coming back!
Anyways liked the chapter, although a bit short. Hope the next one is longer.
Hope to see Eleanor put that genius brain of her's to good use.
Please update soon!
| Isaac Clark aka Reven chapter 6 . 3/31/2013
well that was good shot ... but good , yer i wonder what ryans going to thing of all this ha being saved from evil gangsters by a seemingly defenselessness girl ha well ill see in the next chapter ha any way glad to see your going to write more chapters its good *cough* and about time *cough* (jokes :p )
| platitudes chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
Hey, nice job! I do like the idea for the story, an his you decided to continue Eleanor's arc. However, I do have one major complaint: your writing style. Its not grammatically incorrect or anything, but there seems to be no soul to your writing. The story sounds as if it was read by old, castrated men with PhDs in collectivistic philosophy, who's most exciting event in their lives were their 100th readings of the encyclopedia on anti-Randian epistemology. It is not unreadable, but it holds the story's true potential back like an addictive sedative. Perhaps a simple revision of the story before publication may evoke a more provocative tone. Just as suggestion!
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
It’s a cute story, though I found myself asking a lot of questions about how Eleanor managed to survive by herself and a bunch of Little Sisters. Does she work? If not, where did she get the money to pay the rent? Nobody asks questions about where she came from or how she came about with a bunch of girls? Then she decides to put on her suit, even though that would draw a lot of unlikely attention on her and the girls.
Its not a bad chapter, but it definitely left me with a lot of questions and none of them are answered.
| Isaac Clark aka Reven chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
i was wondering you last update was a long time agow i hope you havent given up on the story was pritty good :)
| Isaac Clark aka Reven chapter 5 . 11/10/2012
good chaters so far its the first bioshock 2 story i have read and its pritty good keep up the good work :)
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 5 . 11/5/2012
Short chapter and I'm somewhat confused. The last chapter ended with Eleanor and the little sisters getting ready for school and getting prepared to meet Mr. Leon.
But the confusion here is when Eleanor got suited up and went off to rescue Ryan. I'm not sure when that was supposed to happen and when she even knew Ryan was in trouble. But I guess that might be covered later?
Anyways thank you for the chapter and please update soon.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Question which ending is this Eleanor following? is she bad or good is Johnny Or delta linked with her or not?
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 4 . 6/3/2012
Good chapter as it covered the dynamics of Eleanor trying to adapt to surface life in addition to dealing with the other troubles in her surroundings. Although I might be reading too much into this, you did a good job in illustrating the final lesson Delta tried to teach Eleanor which was to forgive while also giving people another chance. But it must be seriously grinding on Eleanor's nerves for her mother Sophie to always be around her.
Also I can't wait till you show how awesome Eleanor is as everyone will become flabbergasted by the sheer genius and perfection that she is as she is the amalgam of everything Rapture was being the highest degree of biology, chemistry, physics, mechanics, art, literature, language, and etc. With the gene tonics and plasmids, there should be no one on the surface land who is her physical equal in terms of speed, strength, stamina, dexterity, or reflex. Hell, she could easily be the gold medal winner if she were to compete in the Olympics if she wanted.
Next chapter with her being at a school would be the perfect opportunity for her to give a brief demonstration of her awesomeness.
So please update soon as I'd love to read more.
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 3 . 5/1/2012
Interesting chapter, but kind of short.
Minor diction error, but easily excusable.
But as for the chapter itself, I think it was good. However you could have easily extended the tension Eleanor had for her mother as she was in fact the one who indirectly killed Delta (father).
Considering what was written in this chapter, I'm guess it's all leading towards something else to which I'm still wondering when Eleanor is going to send the little sisters back to their families.
Anyways keep up the good work and update soon.
| Phalanx213 chapter 2 . 2/13/2012
very interesting story do write more chapters
| Bearybeary chapter 2 . 1/14/2012
This chapter remind me of Bioshock 2 good ending. i love that ending scene.
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 2 . 1/13/2012
Not bad, so they all made it to shore on the bathysphere? I was uncertain if that was the case. Also I'm guessing the money came from whatever Delta had on him during his run through Rapture.
Remember details, details, details. Even if the information seems insignificant, it's still good to note it so we readers don't have to assume anything which could be possibly wrong.
Now for the story itself, it's still good and still has great potential to become better. Just put more dialogue, thoughts, and emotions to add more flavor to the character so we know more about what they are thinking and feeling.
So please write more, thanks for the chapter, and update when you can.
| TheWatcher2785 chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
This idea is rather interesting as I've been looking for stories like this that talks about what Eleanor is up too now that she is on the surface world.
But a few things I've been wondering about are a couple of things. First, couldn't Eleanor just return the little sisters back to their proper family? They've been healed of the brainwashing so they should know where home is. Second, has the scientific genius of every person on Rapture. So I'd think that high school would be like child's play to her. Third, I'm not certain what ending you choose, but seeing that the little sisters are around then what happened to her mom?
Now at this time you've got quite a lot to work with. The year is currently around the 1960's where the Cold War had more or less ended and the United States is just about to enter the Vietnam War. Since drafting was legal then your character Ryan is going to be participating one way or another (not unless he goes to Canada).
So anyways please continue, I would love to keep reading what you have to offer.