Reviews for Retribution
Magicalfandoms chapter 1 . 1/28
You are naive and your portrayal of grief after the death of a friend/loved one disgusts me. I recently lost one of my best friends to the ocean, I am 16. The way you characterized naruto as easily getting over sasuke a death after talking it out and being confronted by his “friends” is so incorrect I don’t even know how to begin. The pure heartbreak and sense of being overwhelmed you feel when you hear of a death of someone close to you can not be easily written, however him abruptly changing his view on him, regardless of what actions he took is not realistic. In narutos eyes sasuke was one of his few precious people, loosing him (especially not witnessing it and hearing about it from a third party) would leave him in a state of shock and disbelief. It doesn’ matter how many people are talking at him nothing they say will get through to him until much later, Sakura subsequent betrayal (becuase that was a betrayal, leaving him in a time of emotional turmoil) would have left him inconsolable. If anyone try’s to counter with saying ninjas are used to death, fuck you. You are never used to death, and naruto someone with so few people to care about it will always hit harder. I am specifically only focusing on narutos percspective becuase it is the one I can relate the most too, however Inochis, shikamarus and Sakuras reactions are also horibally shallow and conceited. Inochi would not just cry for a few minutes and then be fine, this is his daughter, his life you maintained an abscense lf his wife which I assume means he now comes home to an empty house every night, just this alone would have broken him. Living the life of a Shinto I Ino was probably the one good thing in his life and now that hats gone he would be broken, he would not have been able to function for atleast a day. An again it does not matter if they are ninjas they are still human and this is familly. You have horibbaly misrepresented the gried procces(ignored it completely) and made the characters into two dimensional tools for your plot devices. They have no real emotion, do not write such a trumatic or emotionally taxing event if you cannot have your characters react properly. This fic actually disgust me.
Fourth Pear chapter 1 . 7/6/2017
I was fine up until the part where the death of Sasuke didn't send Naruto into a berserker rage ending in the death of at least Shikamaru and possibly Shino considering he was stupid enough to try and drain a fucking jinchuriki of his chakra.

Seriously? You just wrote an entire one-shot about how these characters would react, and it ended with Naruto not killing dozens of people at a minimum?
Brievel chapter 1 . 5/2/2017
So intense at the beginning, so giggle-inducing at the end...
Guest chapter 1 . 2/28/2017
This was beautifully insightful and heartbreaking. Could you please make a fanfic of what happens in those years? Thank you x
fernandfeather chapter 1 . 1/27/2017
This was excellent.
Kairan1979 chapter 1 . 10/23/2016
I agree with the author. Somebody had to open Naruto's eyes on what Sasuke had become so he should stop making excuses for him.
Ninja girl chapter 1 . 2/15/2016
I liked this! It's a very out of the box fic, yet very thought out! And the ending, LOL!
VJ Riddle chapter 1 . 1/1/2015
Team Overkill? Hilarious! And love Kakashi's implied methodology, priceless! Also, loved the examination of the clan relations and such, it was really interesting and well-thought out. The fall out worked out well too, thanks for writing!
Ferm chapter 1 . 11/9/2014
Itachi would have cut down the three himself when he got the news... sasuke is his reason of living, after all...
Though your ending was much better
sangi chapter 1 . 11/3/2014
This was wonderful. I loved this idea and it was wonderfully executed. I love the Yamanaka, Nara, and Akimichi clans so much in here. The portrayal of Shikaku and Inoichi was great, and I enjoyed Shikamaru just as much. I liked how you handled Sakura as well. I will admit to taking some sick pleasure in Sasuke's punishment. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Sorasdream chapter 1 . 6/17/2014
Ya...Sasuke is a jackass, we all know that.

But I do feel bad for Naruto in a way, but our hero needed some tough love! I completely agree with Inoichi and the allied clans for there actions. Ino was a bitchy, self-absorbed, weak ninja. But just because she was an idiot doesn't mean she deserved to die that way.
fullmetal-meeze chapter 1 . 5/29/2014
Goddammit, this is good. It wasn't overly intense. However, I do think the ending was ehh and Itachi would definitely hold a grudge.
fiesa chapter 1 . 4/12/2014


I'm out of words. I've read a lot of Naruto fics but yours was like nothing ever before. You have my highest respects.

This story was amazing in many ways. For once, the idea and its execution were amazing, though I'm still reeling about the fact that Ino actually died. But since it was more a story about lives in general - and clan ties - it wasn't too bad. The setup was brilliant: Sasuke ending in a completely different way, obliterating all of the original canon's long-winded, sometimes questionable story board and giving raise to a completely different version of Naruto. Next, I loved the descriptions, especially the first few paragraphs describing Sasuke's error in thinking, and how the three clans always acted as one when it came to it. The description of Sasuke's capture was like that, too, you mentioned weaknesses and strengths of all three clans and how they complemented each other. I've really liked Team Ten a lot for quite some time but I think now I love them even more.

You changed perspectives throughout the story. It felt completely natural and had an interesting impact, it gave more sides of the same events and had the readers look at the same thing from different sides. That way, it was possible to feel like Naruto was a complete idiot when Inoichi talked to him, and yet, at the same time, one knows Naruto's a good person and can see him slowly come to terms with what Sasuke's betrayal actually means.

I liked the way you described both Shikaku and Inoichi. Especially the latter. He just lost a daughter and yet he was completely calm and capable of thinking logically, of calculating the necessary steps and predicting each one of their consequences. I guess he's a bit like Shikaku and Shikamaru in that regard.

The Council scene was very good. And the ending. It feels very open, it's supposed to be that way. Honestly, Itachi's return was surprising for me but I hope he and Naruto will get along. Maybe there is a chance they can be the friends Naruto never was able to be with Sasuke. Sakura surprised me, too, and Hinata - actually, all the genin, Kiba and Shino especially. Sakura picked herself up, Hinata showed self-confidence and loyalty, and Sakura's change to Team Ten was unexpected but I think a good decision in the long run. Now I'd really like to see how Asuma's kids (including Sakura) get along, and what kind of future you've drafted for them! :)

So now Kakashi was free to focus on Naruto, instead of worrying about Sasuke. I have to say, I agree with Naruto, it feels like he does so only because there's noone left, but I'm sure Kakashi cared for Naruto and Sasuke equally. And sometimes one has to pick up the pieces that remain and work with them.

And finally, some humorous scenes: the last one with Kakashi and Inoichi (wow, you made Kakashi Hokage, I wonder what happened to Jiraiya and Tsunade?), and the one in which you write that the Hokage would be the only one Naruto probably couldn't win against (and only because Kakashi played dirty.)

Hm, sorry for the long rambling. All in all, your story was fascinating, well-done and a pleasure to read - thanks for sharing it!
Oh I am Slain chapter 1 . 3/12/2014
Nice, well-written thought experiment.

And yes, the adventures of Team Overkill need to be written out.
Story-Lover chapter 1 . 12/12/2013
... you know i like this more as the original. ino (my favorite charakter) died which is sad but her death was respectful and mature. the sasuke thing was good too. the different reactions from each charakter and the way it was understandable and made sense. he had feelings, logic and fun in it.

(thought kakashi knew about that mark on sasukes neck/shoulder too, but it's a mistake that i can easily over see. cuz with kakashi knowing it made less sense that there was nothing done with it already.)

all in all an very good story. sadly it was short but ya know what, better short and great as long and shitty.
62 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »