|Reviews for The Snow Song|
| cion chapter 11 . 1/21/2013
I had this bookmarked on my list of "TO READ SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE" but didn't start until yesterday. I honestly think, for all your effort and creativity, that you deserve a thorough review. So I'm going to give you one! :)
First of all, major kudos to you for creating such a beautiful world. The concept of Mods, Alts, Norms, and Genes was very interesting. At first when I read about Rin's cat ears and Obito's tail, I was like WHHHHATTT? But then the more I got into it, the more I realized how awesome it really was.
Second, I think you touched on something pretty profound here, the fact that a lot of people in Konoha shirked from the idea of being "normal." They desired to be powerful and special, or at least to modify themselves in order to possess a second-rate copy of that special power. I think that basic insecurity resides within all of us to some degree. If being "normal" means being the only one who isn't "special", then wouldn't that make someone "abnormal"? And who wants to be "abnormal", right? I'm sure there are a few individuals who could care less about how society views them, but then again, that's just a minority. The basic message still stands all the same - people want to fit in. Whether that was your intention or not, you drove that message pretty deeply. At least for me.
Third, I like your writing style. It is neither dry nor flowery. It was juuuust right. :) The way you describe snow and cold - perfect. It was perfect. What I hate more than a whole story chock-full of spelling errors and simple sentences is a story chock-full of pretentious and verbose phrases. It becomes such a headache to process so many details all at once. But I think you're pretty good with keeping the descriptive details to a comfortable minimum. Not too little, not too much.
Fourth. The twist in the end was wonderful. I had no idea Rin and Obito and Minato were... well, I won't say it here, just in case it spoils the fun for someone else. But nonetheless, great job! Who'da thunk... lol.
Fifth. I liked the dynamics between Kakashi and Sakura. Fun, lively, sarcastic, but at times touching. Very nice. :)
Alright, now here's some criticisms. But before I get into it, I want to make it clear that it isn't my intention to offend you. I only bother to offer constructive criticism to authors who are mature enough to handle it. And considering how much thought you put into this story, I think you deserve some honest feedback. I don't expect you - or any other author - to take my word for everything. It is simply my own opinion.
First, I think it would have been great if you expanded more on the concept of Mods, Alts, and Genes. ESPECIALLY that of Mods and Alts. How do they receive such modification and alteration? I think I vaguely recall a detail about surgery... but otherwise I'm not sure. Upon first reading about the College, I thought you'd talk more about it later. But it isn't until the very ending when we get a first look into the College (during a New Years ball)... and even then, it doesn't help explain the function of the College or its relation to Mods and Alts. I do remember reading that the College tries to help Norms become Genes (without much success), but how? It would have been interesting to read more about it.
Second, I felt at times that Kakashi as a character was a bit stiff, more aloof than normal. I could sense some pensiveness around him (especially during his visit to the graveyard), but I don't sense much change in him. He might laugh or grin a little, but other than that he remains the same. Rigid. Dry. Like a robot. I think as readers we would become more engaged in Kakashi and his quest if we got a deeper look into his feelings, his thoughts. I personally felt more in-tune with Sakura because I understood her as a person. I experienced her fear (after seeing her family get taken), her guilt (of running away), and her hesitant determination (to remain unfeeling so as to keep the world neither safe nor in danger).
Third, there was some definite chemistry between Kakashi and Sakura, but only a spark. It's obvious that they feel attracted to each other, but there isn't much substance in their relationship. You've made it clear that they half-like each other, yet even that sliver of affection feels a little forced, considering all the whimsical "I want you dead" jokes passed between them.
Fourth, I'm not quite sure what happened with the Polaroid. Both times. The first time, I just brushed off my personal objections and accepted it for what it was: Kakashi took a picture because he felt that it was "right" and was pulled into an alternate universe. Okay. But the second time, we are left to wonder what exactly happened in the College. But before we can process the facts any more, we are brought to a time skip. And then it is the end. As sad as I felt after finishing the story (because it was THAT fun and interesting), I couldn't help but feel a bit cheated. I had become so absorbed in a new, fantastical world, only to be deprived of the details crucial to the full development of the story.
I think the basic problem is the pacing of the story. Had you written maybe a few more chapters to string them all together, I'm sure my criticisms would have been nonexistent. Some chapters could have provided background information about Kakashi, the Mods/Alts/Genes society, the College, etc. Then it would have been easier to expand on other things like Kakashi and Sakura's budding relationship, the danger of the quest itself, etc. etc.
Overall, I seriously loved the story. It was a unique, lighthearted read. I honestly felt that I was reading a fantasy novel or something! I was reading it all yesterday and last night - until I conked out in bed. And then I continued reading when I woke up this afternoon (yes, you read that right lol). I'm pretty sure you could easily transform this into a real novel with your own original characters. Should you ever seriously consider the idea, please let us know! I'd love to read it.
You are probably one of my favorite authors now. I'm itching to read more stories like this as well as "A Most Unusual Quest." :) Keep on writing. You're very good at it. And I sincerely believe this story should be receiving a hundred times the amount of attention than the crap I've seen all over ffnet.
| Higanbana.4 chapter 11 . 8/15/2012
Really lovely to read.
| Fullmetal11791 chapter 11 . 6/6/2012
Exhausted so il make this short. Essentially I liked it, even if some parts were confusing or a bit rushed / anti climactic. Was nice to read an AU story, not nearly enough in the Naruto fan section (that arnt shitt y high school fics). Anyway, added to favorites (and I really liked how kakashi's eye did not have any special powers.)
| niki-the-polkadot chapter 11 . 5/12/2012
This story deserves so many more reviews. I really enjoyed it! I'm a bit of a fantasy buff so to have it mixed in with Naruto was great. I loved both Kakashi and Sakura's character and you delivered their dialogue very well. The ending could have been a little more clearer as to what happened after Kakashi took the photo of himself but I guess I can understand wanting to have a little mystery. Keep up the great work!
| Riiiceballe chapter 11 . 3/17/2012
Holy cow, this story is one hell of an adventure! Sure, I had to accept things at face value and all that, but that doesn't detract from what the imagination can conjure up. I think you did a good job writing it (esp. the banter between characters). Well done! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. :D
| Riiiceballe chapter 1 . 3/17/2012
Wow! I'm impressed! You handled this really AU world very well, and I am definitely intrigued by it. I have a feeling that Sakura's gift has something to do with the weather? Only time will tell. I shall continue to read.
| Aviandra chapter 3 . 1/24/2012
I'm not completely 'Oh, this story first, life second) mood yet, but I'm SURE I will be as I get farther in. Overall, good writing and plot. I'm keeping my eye on this!
| The White Leopard chapter 11 . 1/18/2012
Your fic was quite good, and I really enjoyed reading it. However, I must say, in the name of constructive criticism, that the resolution was a little lack-luster. It was doable, to be sure, but you leave it a great mystery as to exactly what happened after Kakashi snapped the picture.
On another note, their personalities seemed more original than cannon. This is not a bad thing, it just makes me wonder. Why did you choose to make this story a fanfic when it could have very easily stood on its own two feet as an original work? For that matter, do you write traditional fiction? If so, I would be quite interested in reading it.
Anyway, I look forward to reading more of your work.
| ellessia chapter 11 . 1/10/2012
this is a really good story. love the humor but kinda an anti-climatic ending... lolx.
| BaskingInTheSunshine chapter 11 . 1/2/2012
This was a really refreshing story from all the other KakaSaku stories out there. I seriously loved reading this. It was well written and after the first chapter I was hooked. I actually read this on my phone on the day you published this, but I wanted to review it on the computer because it's easier and I finally got around to doing it. :)
I really enjoyed this story and I hope you do more :) :D :P
| GitaMerah chapter 11 . 12/30/2011
This is so epic! I love how you managed to create such a unique world. I love the way you made Kakashi seem so deep and yet still be in character.
| Luna chapter 11 . 12/29/2011
Very cute story!
I absolutely loved the world you created, so unique and fascinating, and I only pity that there wasn't more to their quest. Even so, this story was pleasantly light-hearted, with humorous quips, and unexpected turns.
All in all this was an endearing little fairytale well suited to the holiday season.
| Prescripto13 chapter 11 . 12/26/2011
An engaging read, K. I enjoyed it!
| mushroomCap chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
Wonderful! This was just like a fairytale and it was the perfect thing to keep me entertained during my layover!