|Reviews for The Cruelty and Fairness of Fate|
| Neuroleptic chapter 28 . 2/3/2008
I hit something and cut my last review short.
I find it refreshingly different that you don't protray most adults in your writing as if they are all confused raveing evil idots out to ruen everyone's life. Even a lot of the ones who come across as 'the bad guys'.
What do you mean it's broke? Then fix it!
That line is probably the BEST line I'v ever read in any story. It still makes me laugh even thoug I'v re read this a few times over the years.
I think it's amusing that Chibiusa knows when the kid is going to be born and thought it was good that she was able to keep it a secret right up till the end. Makoto's horrified reaction to the news was priceless, and I don't think Ami's mother's revelation of how long labor had lasted her helped much.
All's well that ends well they say, and this story is deffinetly good, with a good ending.
| Neuroleptic chapter 27 . 2/3/2008
And Minako winds up starting to follow her path that will take her away from the shrine in this chapter. I think I find her new co workers about as interesting as they find Minako to be.
| Neuroleptic chapter 26 . 2/3/2008
I'm glad this chapter starts happy and ends on just as much of a positive note as it dose, because it had the potentual to be a truly discouraging chapter. I especialy like the drawing of 'Devil Rei.
The drama in the court room was particularly well written. It's quite the Kobiashi Maru scenario. Either way the Judge rules, Minako is going to have something taken away from her. There realy isn't a way to win.
The thing that caught my attention is the way you described the court room itself. When I went to finalise my adoption for my daughter, it was just me, my wife, the baby, my lawyer and the judge. Right down to the breafcase, you nailed how it feels. Granted our situation was a bit different, but there was always the fear that this guy can say 'you don't get the kid' and that's that.
It's a little unerving how calm the lawyer was too. It's stresfull knowing you have no control of your life at that moment. For Minako and Rei's situation, I just picture that feeling, and mangnify it times athousand since unlike in my case, it wasn't likely the judge would rule in there favor.
Rei's father somewhat redeams himself in this chapter. Though, wether it was to actualy help Rei, or to gain political favor with a judge (always a good thing for a senator) isn't specificaly said. I mean, he could have had the judge do this for him, and then the judge has some promise of more power later on. Course, he may be called upon to help Senator Hino out again. Rins lather repeat. I'm probably over analizing it though.
The part with Ami's love letter was priceless, and reminded me of the beginning of Ami's First Love.
And Makoto has a heck of a nice way to say 'thank you'.
| Neuroleptic chapter 25 . 2/2/2008
You know, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is Minako is making inside the bathroom. Though I wonder what was going through Rei's grandfather's mind when he saw the construction paper and crayons.
The part with the class has got to be one of the funniest moments in fan fiction history. I'v been toying with the idea of doing a drawing of it, perhaps right after the lights are turned off and Usagi is munching on her snacks and then a particularly graphic sceen appears on screen. Just the picture of all of their expressions is pricelss in my mind even if the moment isn't technicaly in the story.
That darn Satoshi again. I keep getting the feeling he is going to show up in a later story and I know that's not going to be good if he dose. I'm not sure if he is jellous of Ami in some way, angry, or both. It's hard to say since I don't think he has any more speeking parts in the story if I remember correctly. Geuss I'll just have to wait and see.
| Neuroleptic chapter 24 . 1/31/2008
The thought of Hotaru being this supream being capable of destroying the world with a simple gesture, yet not being allowed in on conversations of importance to the senshi because she is too young is both ironic and amusing. I personaly agree with Hotaru's sentement on it as she walks way to start the chapter.
Having Haruka hit that guy was wonderful to witness in this chapter. Though it sucks that nomater how things turn out, he is going to get a nice vacation out of the deal. Life's like that, but it's irritating that sometimes the slime of humanity get everything.
As cold hearted as Rei's father is, even in his own way, it seems he cares for Rei. Granted, his previous actions don't show it. But his anger about how things turned out in the end even if he refuses to admit that it 'isn't his problem' say other wise.
In the end though, we all know who Rei's real father is. What can we say? Grandpa rocks!
| Neuroleptic chapter 23 . 1/31/2008
I found your description of the typical things one would find normal in a chatholic church fitting for the story, especialy since most Japanese view christianity as a whole to be gothic and mysterious.
And at least some Christians tend to view Shinto as a paganistic sinful religion. Ontop of that against Rei and her grandfather, Rei is obviously a lesbian by this point. So I liked the part where the Monsignor got uncomfortable when Rei's grandfather looked at him for a few moments. It's always nice to see someone loose the holier than thou attitude, even if it's just for a moment.
I also like Grandpa's advice to Rei to pick her battles. It's good advice for a lot of people.
I don't remember a big wedding happening between Ami and Makoto in this story the last time I read it, and I know there isn't one in the one you are currently writing. So I'm wondering from that one little part: will there be a third story to this?
Ah, what once was lost has been found. The rat with the camera! Though the big question I had during that part was, what did Haruka record over?
| Neuroleptic chapter 22 . 1/31/2008
Her parents seemed truly worried when they went to check on Minako, wich shows they aren't just being mean evil parents given what some of the possibilities for what they could have found in her room the next morning. They are truly doing what they feel is right.
I like that you manage to write them as sorta the bad guy, but you do quite a bit that allows the reader to understand they are doing it because the care. Even if they are wrong in my opinion.
I felt sorry for Rei's grandfater having to face Minako's dad like that. He handeled that better than anyone else I know would have. I also like that you protray him a bit more thoughtful than he appears in most of the anime.
For some reason I keep picturing Kojima to look something like Kaji in Neon Genesis Evangelion. He's just so damn smug.
The whole plan to get Minako 'emancipated' is rather extrem. Yet at the same time, it truly is her only way of making it so Minako isn't sent away. One thing they don't mention at all, is that it would also cause problems with the senshi if/when a major threat ever showed up again. Even forgetting the whole relationship thing, for that reason alone they truly have to try that.
I also think it's cool that you took the time to resurch that. It's probably the best answer I'v heard of that says why Makoto lives on her own.
| Neuroleptic chapter 21 . 1/28/2008
This chapter reminds me of how happy I am that I DON'T have to deal with parents anymore. When someone has absolut total control of your life, they have a HUGE ability to screw up your life. You captured that feeling quite well.
I actualy felt sorry for the receptionist in this part, since from working with the public, I know how hard it is trying to make someone not kill you who is mad about something someone else did. To the angry party, they almost always treat you as if you personaly did it, weather that's true or not. She has absolutly NOTHING to do with anything else in the story, but I liked how small characters like her add quite a bit of beliveability to the story. And her comment about god watching her is amusing too, since I have NEVER worked somewhere where the place didn't have security cameras watching me. Makes me feel like I'm not being trusted and like I have to look busy even when there is NOTHING to do.
Speeking of other small characters that add things to the story, I got the feeling Kojima was used to having people jump across tables at him. He seemed so relaxed by it all. I had to wonder if he had a run in with Haruka at some point in her carrear.
Rei's father strikes me as a bit dodgey. It's hard to tell if he cares at all about Rei or not. Typical of the up right out standing politician.
One thing I kind of notice, is that while Minako is obviously angry with her parents, I get the feeling she is closer to her father than her mother. The way she refers to him, and the way she almost (to me) sounds worried when her father leaves by slamming the door makes me think she is far more hurt by his response to her relationship than by her mothers.
All in all, a good little chapter that makes one want to jump to the next one.
| Neuroleptic chapter 20 . 1/19/2008
Despite all the great dramatic moments in this chapter, because of a recent conversation on docspace, I have to start with something else.
"Watashi-sensei is the most boringest teacher on the planet. He just talks and talks and talks all in one voice, and after awhile, it starts to put you to sleep.”
I just had to laugh and laugh at that. You captured the exact sentement of two people that just spring to mind from reading it. I'll leave it at that.
Yukiko and Keiko sound like good friends in this little chapter. I thought it was cool that you give them a larger part in your most recent story. I didn't catch who they were when I read that one at first but when I read this chapter I thought, "Oh that's them!"
Satoshi. I truly hate that guy. I'v known people like him and they all make me sick. Treating people like they are toys and not caring what happens to them. He gets so bad in this chapter even his friends practicaly turn on him. Till the other little jerk points out that Satoshi will get off scot free in a few more weeks, which in a way is unfair since he should have to take some responsibility. On the other hand, I actualy kind of worry that he WILL show up in a later story. He could be a big problem later on.
Only Minako would be upset about Ami and Makoto being so boring they won't be the main topic in the gossip circles for long.
And now the proverbial stuff hits the fan for Rei and Minako, not with a ting, but with a big weat squishy SPLAT!
Just about everything that could go wrong has, and it sure was sudden. You get the feeling her parents were probably getting ready to go about there day as usual after Minako left, then one of em opened up the morning paper, probably to read the funnies or look at the advertisements, and the other one sitting across the table looked up and blew there top.
For some reason the worst part to read for me was when Minako's mother slapped her. After someone dose something like that who has so much control over your life, it kinda would put you in a daze as you are hauled off to god knows what fate.
| Neuroleptic chapter 19 . 1/19/2008
And the chapter opens with them still move'n. I know this starts perhaps seconds after the last chapter ends, but moving takes forever nomater how you do it, and you ALWAYS forget something. Usualy light bulbs or something stupid like that.
"It isn't home until Usagi sets off the smoke alarm." . . . My wife said the same thing when we moved into our new house about my cooking . . .
The main point of this chapter I felt was the second half. It sets up the high drama for Rei and Minako later on. I keep wondering how much of this you planned out ahead of time while writing and how much you wrote on the fly. Nomater how you did it though, it all ties up seemlessly.
| Neuroleptic chapter 18 . 1/18/2008
So like I said in my last review, Moveing is familiar to me. About the only thing you left out was perhaps Haruka wacking the corner of a table against a wall leaving a scratch or scruff in both, and then Makoto gripeing about her soon to return security deposit being smaller and smaller by the moment.
. . . and so far, that's the closest to constructive critisisem I have gotten.
"And once again the definition of ‘normal life’ in her daughter’s world shifted and pulled her along for the ride."
The funny thing about that line, is that Ami's mom dosn't know the half of it! This almost sounds like a hint to a later part in the next story now that I look back at it.
The mysterious photographer shows up again. He is a creepy guy, with the camera and all. It's ironic that someone so imoral gets caught on film by the most innocent character in the story.
| Neuroleptic chapter 17 . 1/18/2008
This is another chapter that hits a few cords of memory and emotions with me.
One of my only memories of my mother is of her and my father arguing. It's amazing how adults forget little kids do notice what is going on around them. In Africa, they have a saying, "When elephants fight, the grass gets trampled". Geuss who Ami is in that saying.
While we never actualy see Ami's father in this story, the way you wrote about him makes it clear that Ami's mother is angry at him, and rightfully so. It also (at least in my mind) dosn't protray him as some thoughtless terrible person. Imperfect, yes, but not evil. That's something people rarely do when they write him in fan fic. This is impressive considering that nearly everything we learn about him comes from Kaya's point of view.
I get the feeling she is angry with him, but dosn't hate him. She seems to see it as they were both just too different and made huge mistakes as she looks back, almost as if they are both to blame for what eventualy happened.
While I can't relate to what it's like to be staired at for being or seeming openly gay in public, I do know what it's like to have my family staired at for being different since my daughter is addopted and black, while we are white as chalk. Even still, it's simmilar to what Ami and Makoto experience in this chapter. People stair, talk about you when they think you can't hear (and, most likely for people in Ami and Makoto's situation as well as my family, you'd be supprised the things people say in public) ask strange questions, even get angry and biligerant like the restaraunt attendee with Ami and Makoto's order. All that from total strangers. It's no wonder Makoto is a little nervous about being open in public. It can be agrivating and stressfull to say the least to feel your life is being scrutinised by everyone around you, regardless of the cercumstances. Like Ami thinks though, all you can do is be yourself and ignore it as best you can.
Ah, packing day. The dry smell of cardboard, the discoloration of the walls where pictures where, the strange difference in people's voices in rooms just because stuff isn't their anymore. I have moved so many times I have lost count. No matter weather I am with someone or not, it's always a little depressing seeing everything in boxes. It just isn't home anymore. I got the feeling Makoto felt the same way I do every time I have moved.
One other thing you touch on in this chapter and a few others, almost without actualy saying it, is that Makoto is terrified that everyone around her is going to pack up and leave. Given what happened to her parents, this is understandable.
And heart breakingly accurate.
That's exactly how someone would feel for the rest of their life after being through that at such a young age. The moment you're alone, you start to wonder, will they come back from the grocery store? Did I say goodbye? Did I tell them I love them? And when you're with people close to you, if they so much as accidentaly say anything that sounds like they want to leave, you worry in the back of your mind you'll never see them again. Reason being: Oh, sure it's likely they'll be back. Just like it was likely her parents would be back in a few days once they stepped on that plane. It's hard enough for adults when they realize that people litteraly can die at any time. But to learn it the hardest way possible as a child is something that can only be described as heart breaking.
You don't take it to extreames, but it is there throught this story, and it's protrayed quite well. It's something a lot of author's over look about Makoto.
When you factor everything in about Makoto, it's no wonder she's terrified of planes. They don't just represent her parent's death, but something that can easily take everyone she knows away from her for good in one fell swoop.
And yes, some times a good night's sleep can make everything clearer in the morning.
| Neuroleptic chapter 16 . 1/16/2008
You know, I had actualy forgotten how descriptive the text for that part between Rei and Minako was since the last time I read this. Even still, it was nice to see the full story of the big walk in part for Ami, Usagi, and Makoto that gets mentioned a few times before this. Especialy Ami's reaction.
And the part with Rei asking Minako is good, and well worded, despite Rei's sentement of how it sounded.
Still not much constructive critisisem though. Part of why I'm going review crazy is because I have since come to learn how much work gose into writing a story this long, and felt I'd try to comment on it a bit better. So far I'm finding plenty of good things to say, but not much else in the way for improvement.
| Neuroleptic chapter 15 . 1/16/2008
I felt Makoto's reaction to the way Ami blurted that out was about what my sentements were. "Well, I wouldn't have put it quite that way".
At first, I want to say that it's almost out of character for Ami to want to do something so risky and outlandish when the choice her mother wanted to do truly was the most logical one in the situation. But then, love rarely if ever makes one think logicaly. So it works.
And I like the part with Ken and Kaya a lot. I wonder where they wind up going?
| Neuroleptic chapter 14 . 1/16/2008
I like the part where at the party Makoto is talking to her mother while looking up at the stars.
Telling a parent something like I'm dating your daughter or I want to marry your daughter is hard enough, regardless of sexual orientation. Adding in 'and we want to move in together today' right after that is quite the double whammie.
No wonder Ami is nervous.