|Reviews for The Dragon King's Temple|
| BlutengelHates chapter 1 . 10/13
I've spent a long time reading this chapter, in a few days, in order to keep the best concentration ever to like what I'm reading.
It's meticulously detailed, giving all of it so realistic I felt like I was panicking (I'm not that found of tunnels lol).
| ShaiGar chapter 8 . 9/20
Yes, people make mistakes, but it's also practice/habit in WHS to lock, and slap a tag on shit that's dangerous. This'd be done automatically.
| Guest chapter 12 . 9/7
I just reread this whole story after recommending it to my younger sister who is getting into fanfiction... I didn't remember all the plot points (especially the ending which was actually a good thing because I could be surprised all over again) but I remember enjoying it a great deal and did so again!
Thank you for writing and sharing
this is one of my all-time favorite FanFictions
It was definitely worth the wait ;D
| Guest chapter 4 . 9/5
I like your anthroligual geekery. Language is Awesome! Had to look up the Great Vowel Shift myself and learned something new. So, cool.
Also love the little references thrown here and there. Chapter two's Girl Genius got me and, especially here, I was "eeeee!" Didn't need the note at the end to remind me about a spark. Let alone Agatha with the "for science!" Toph heard. Girl Genius is amazing to say the least.
Just a note about the soma. I read that and thought Brave New World. Thinking soma as some kind of ecstasy drug. Didn't know that word actually came from somewhere. Certainly never thought of chocolate from that. Although I probably should have. Chocolate is just that good.
All in all. This is fun! Thanks!
| Denna4eva chapter 12 . 9/5
I love the world-building, it's amazing. As is the story as a whole, and the humor, that too!
| Axel Fones chapter 1 . 8/31
This looks really interesting, and Toph and Zuko really feel in-character. I don't know much of anything about the Stargate side of things, but it's looking good.
| BetaPAWDkitsune chapter 12 . 8/27
Wow! This story was amazing. Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with us. I have to say you have a gift for weaving science, plot and story togetherI have read a lot of fanfiction and your ability to buck trends and back science is in my top 5 for the site. I love your take on the Goa'uld originsyou have me convinced. Amazing work and I do hope to see a sequel sometime in the future. You have me absolutely captivated!
| kdm13 chapter 12 . 8/26
Gosh I lost out on so much sleep the past couple days reading this. I even put off reading something that updates weekly that I normally drop just about everything to keep reading just so I wouldn't lose the momentum. I got to the end and checked for a sequel and maybe I missed something but now I'm lamenting. Understanding because writing is hard, but gosh. I didn't want it to end. Especially not before the Fire Lord shoe dropped.
Anyway, that stuff out of the way, this was a fantastic read. Like, I was too young to watch that Stargate series when it was on TV because the rating was too high and it wasn't something my mom liked watching like ALIAS so most of what I know is like, vague image of the characters and a tiny bit of information about Ascension I picked up from what few Atlantis episodes I caught on, but I do hold Avatar near and dear to my heart. And I could hear the voices sometimes and it was fantastic.
Gosh darn the worldbuilding you said you put in here just. That one meme from The Emperor's New Groove. When the fic author does the worldbuilding just right.
I'm definitely keeping a tab open on your other fics for later perusal. Just after I get back in a proper rhythm first.
| MPChess chapter 12 . 7/14
... Good gods. Of all the possible ways to combine SG-1 and AtlA... This has got to be the most epic option.
And that's really all I can say at this point. I'm kind of sad I reached the ending, ya know? Especially since I peeked at your profile info, too... :P
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/7
I think the author got endo/exothermic mixed up. Exothermic: giving off heat (means: getting warmer), endothermic sucking in/using heat (means: getting colder). Just remember it by "exo sceleton sceleton on the outside; exothermic heat going to the outside".
| The Best Guesst chapter 12 . 6/27
HOly crap this story is amazing! The amount of effort and research you put into it, as well as all the explanations- blew my mind. I only wish that you had written the scene where they realize zuko is pretty much a king because I need that in my life.
Anywho, I've never watched stargate but I still enjoyed the plot and characters and everything. Wonderful job on all of this!
| AngelForm chapter 12 . 6/20
A good self-contained story.
Would be better as the first part of a larger story, one showing the two (three?) sides interacting on a meaningful scale, but that is a project you could devote millions of words and years of effort to creating.
I still feel that making Avatar just another side-plot of Stargate is a disservice.
| AngelForm chapter 4 . 6/19
Don’t normally post reviews until I finish a story (or catch up if it is still in progress) but on this occasion I shall make an exception.
In almost every way this story is amazing. The technical quality is very high, both at the spelling/word choice level and at the larger structure level. The characters are spot on. The events in general are internally consistent.
However, making Bending reliant on naquadah is a travesty. It essentially subordinates Avatar under Stargate by way of midichlorians. It doesn’t improve the story, it isn’t interesting and it detracts significantly from the lore of Avatar.
One flaw, no matter how large, doesn’t ruin a story. But it does make the difference between an incredible story and a merely great one.
| Aeshdan chapter 9 . 6/11
Yikes. I think this might be the single most terrifying chapter in the entire fic for me. The yukioso is bad enough, but at least it's possible to fight back against it, and it's acknowledged as a problem. But watching a friend slowly dying, knowing exactly how to save him but being unable to get your captors to understand... Eeek.
Though on a semi-related note, it seems to me that the SGC is indulging in a bit of Arbitrary Skepticism here with the naquadah synthesis. They know Toph can manipulate matter on the molecular level (because they've seen her fuse pieces of stone together), so it doesn't seem that much of a stretch to postulate that she and Zuko could manipulate matter on the atomic level, fusing smaller atoms together to produce naquadah atoms.
| Black' Victor Cachat chapter 4 . 6/8
I super like your Agatha Hetrodyne-expy by the way! My favourite part is probably her response to any potential muggers! X-D
Hey, continuing my original suggestions for a sequel :-)
-the SGC gives Toph a cane made of metal and rock for her to use on terrain without Earth to see by, giving her some sight, or even just something to test out the terrain before her. And of course to hit people with. A lot. Goes to Sanura or Teal’c for pointers on staff fighting
-Zuko also winning popular support by putting all the returning soldiers towards public works like agriculture or building projects so still employed (many probably conscripted and either did not have jobs before, or lost them since gone so long) and being productive. Basically same salaries, but since no longer also paying to ship the supplies to them over vast distances, or make sure fully outfitted, actually costs less. Also, since no longer building massive engines of war and such (although keeping a reliable, stable military in place), is actually massively cutting back taxes to garner further goodwill (how much time, money, and resources must have that failed giant drill cost?).
On advice from SGC, Zuko also starts dedicating resources for making sure the soldiers are mentally rehabilitated after the war, especially since in lots of places the Earth Kingdom probably resorted to guerrilla warfare.
-as part of his research into light, Djehuty’s Jaffa’s armour can are designed that with the right orders can become highlighted in distinctive colours to identify themselves as different from System Lord Jaffa. In regular conflicts between Jaffa, they can readily distinguish themselves, but allies might accidentally cause friendly fire if all Jaffa look too similar to them.
-reactions when the Gaang finally learns what guns can do, and outright order the SGC to not reveal the details lest it utterly skew up the power balance globally. Guns may be inevitable, but they want them introduced in a controlled fashion that will not set off another war.
-while talking about Azula and referencing how she could beat Toph’s lie detector tests, Toph learns about psychopathy and that there are OTHERS who can beat her lie detector methods. Starts trying to study for a way to best that, or at least identify when dealing with a psychopath, including more in-depth with chi.
-idea from another fic, that part of the reason that Mai can hit throw so hard, and Ty Lee so superhumanly acrobatic is not just from the naquadah in their veins, but also by chi manipulation.
-someone also mentions to Toph about radar, and she gets the idea of sensing for airborne stuff by sending up a cloud of dirt particles, to sense for disturbances in it. Inconvenient for allies, but can also blind enemies without affecting her eyes; although an issue if it gets into her nose or mouth. Basically her salt trick, but more trained.
-arc where Djehuty and the SGC go to the Nox. Because even if they know nothing about what happened, they either a) completely missed what had happened to the Goa’uld during every encounter with them, despite their super advanced technology, or b) are complicit to some degree. Moreover, as healers and pacifists they are ideally suited to CURING the Goa’uld and making all those problems go away.
Ah, Screw It!
"You want to remain in solitude." Harry said as he stepped up.
The woman inclined her head. "We are content with our ways. We have been on this plane for millions of years. I have personally seen the fall of civilisations. We will have no part in it."
"Ok, I wish you well." Harry said simply. "We are done here." He said to Moros firmly.
"They have an obligation-"
"Moros, the woman just stated that she watched civilisations fall." He turned back to her. "How did they fall?"
"Most fell to atrocities by the Goa'uld. Some were the instruments of their own destruction."
"See. I don't really care to associate with someone who can sit back and watch others suffer."
The woman quirked an eyebrow at that, but remained silent.
"Incidentally, the violence you want to avoid? It will come for you regardless. I've read about you in the archives of Atlantis. You left your own imprints on my planet. I know of the magic of the wood nymphs." Harry drew his wand and waved it across the sky. "Revellio."
The girls gasped as a massive city shimmered in to view in the sky.
"If I can find it, so can others. The Goa'uld will descend on your people like a ravenous beast. No one is asking you to fight. But sharing ideas and aid so that we can all survive? That we can expect of DECENT people."
Harry turned and left. The others followed leaving Moros to shake his head in disgust at the woman... who was showing her first emotion of the day: Shock.
-have to go into Suki’s family life, if only so Jack can crankly ask why there is an all teenager para-military force for an island nation, and where are the adults?
-the SGC marines buy Toph audiotapes with Daredevil stories. She and Matt Murdock would get along swell :-P
-when trying to deal with the fact that Zuko is basically the only one that can be Fire Lord, SG-1 asks if there are any cousins or such, and Iroh awkwardly explains that Azulon killed them all off to remove any competition for the throne.
-Despite how proud she is of Earth Healing, Toph is very wary to teach either it or metal bending to others (besides Aang) until peace is guaranteed. She knows if war breaks out it will be abused by guys like General Fong, especially since Earth Healing can lead to Bone Bending
-while Iroh is almost crying he is so proud of Zuko developing fire healing, it is Jeong-Jeong who, almost desperately, asks Zuko to teach him so he can make up for his own crimes. Zuko agrees with the conditions that Jeong-Jeong a) as a fellow Fire Master help Zuko figure out how to teach others, and b) will be the one to teach other students since Zuko so busy right now
-while poking around another Ancient lab, Djehuty uncovers a Wraith kept by the Ancients for study and preserved in stasis. Trouble happens, but in studying their DNA, finds signs that they too were genetically experimented upon by the Ancients.
-Zuko or Djehuty heal Daniel from radiation poisoning, but Djehuty also uses the opportunity to try and fail to imprison Oma. Daniel still has a chance to talk to her, and she manages to conceal what Djehuty attempted from the other Ancients.
-SGC frustrated because they see how much the members of Asunyti could make things immensely easier for them in their war against the Goa’uld… except the only ones who seem truly competent or trustworthy for it are a bunch of teenagers. Jack darkly asks Daniel why he cannot just kill off all the local adults, or at least most of them.
One situation where the kids get roped in, breaks out into chaos and ends with Sokka or Suki (specifically a non-bender for more fun) being mistaken by Jaffa as a ‘god’ after besting a System Lord. Especially since so much Naquada in their veins they can easily use Goa’uld tech. In fact the more senior Jaffa can sense just how much they pulse with it, and mistaken it for ‘greater divinity’
-For Toph coming to help with the Replicators, she of course is wearing her “BOW TO MY WILL, PUNY MORTALS” shirt. However her bodyguards Mai and Ty Lee (who have the SGC wondering just WHAT their previous jobs were), are wearing ones that say “Life is Despair,” and “Life is Pink” respectfully.
-Zuko learns about global warming, and calls together top scientists and industrialists. Gives them info and tells them to independently verify it, and to come up with a solution. The Fire Nation cannot afford to shut down its industrialization, but neither can it afford to cause flooding of islands that it lives on or anger literal spirts of nature. They have time so no rush on a solution, yet he does not intend to leave it as a problem for his descendants. Makes clear that he does not want to rely upon the SGC to sooth concerns, and points out that since their world is different it is possible global warming might not be an issue, or that a solution will be easy. Oh, and hefty reward for whoever figures it out. This way he is being responsible, but maintaining their rep as the most advanced nation
-as a practice run on rebuilding the Airbenders, clone Appa and Momo, and genetically modify clones for genetic diversity. Use the bones of the dead left over from Sozin’s attack.
-to elaborate on Djehuty offering to help make new Airbenders to restore the cycle, and avoid inbreeding if Aang’s kids are the only available Airbenders, he approaches Sokka and Katara first because they have (relatively) less on their plate to help work out the details more. Can tell Aang that they are working on something that he will like but will only stress him out at this stage. Plus they have the necessary connections to get info. The idea being to make a few direct clones of Aang, some female ones, but mainly altered ones in ways he is confident will not affect Airbending or have unfortunate consequences, to provide genetic diversity. Plus Binary Clones to basically make kids of Aang’s with other, random people (NOT the Gaang to keep it objective and professional). Sokka and Katara reveal that later Aang turned Gyatso and the other Airbenders bones to ash to scatter to the winds, but still one more temple he has not visited, and going there for more genetic samples; may have to consult Aang for permission for this one. Problem is, that leaves you with a lot of Airbender babies which you then have to raise. And no Air Nomad culture to grow up in.
So, as proposed in “As Crazy as Bumi” by Kimberly T, you would need volunteers from other nations to reboot that culture. So they would basically ‘act’ at being Nomads to raise the ‘true’ generation, which is its own can of worms if not handled right. Except that the Air Nomads are not as perfect as Aang, being 12 and desperately holding onto his memories, thinks they are. From that fic, they are not actually vegetarians despite their claims if they use eggs to bake pastries, and a culture that practices detachment from the child when giving birth and frankly impregnating would involve practices that other nations would find uncomfortable. Not to mention how they could have an ALL bender culture, the only one from what little we saw. And Jack would point out that pacifism got them killed before and frankly still willing to make Aang into a living weapon as I am sure Jack would angrily say.
So basically recreating Airbenders would be a massive project, one to keep the characters distracted up until the main plot starts, and perhaps all the more essential because if Aang dies they are three Avatars away from a broken cycle, and kids are very vulnerable.
An additional approach you might take however is that for the actual clones of Airbenders who had died, when Aang sees them, he goes full Avatar, and the World Spirit is able to create a bridge for the spirits of those dead to return to the mortal plain. Instantly hushed up, with the claim that they were a hidden enclave of Airbenders would had successfully hidden themselves, because otherwise everyone will be wanting to bring back the dead, which would badly disturb the balance. Speculated that this was a one-time thing to RESTORE the balance, and everyone agrees that best not to push the issue, because who knows what might happen.
MAIN PLOT IDEAS, WHICH AS I NOTED BEFORE FOCUSES ON ANUBIS FINDING ASUNYTI:
-During Anubis’ attack on Asunyti, his campaign begins (by coincidence) with Omashu. King Bumi quickly concludes that he cannot win, nor can he play mind games with people he has no clue about (as opposed to a hundred years of understanding Fire Nation strategy, sociology, and psychology). So he evacuates everyone, revealing he ALWAYS had a sophisticated means of doing so (probably involving underground railways, earthbending, wildlife, etc.), even when he surrendered the city before. His furious subjects start to demand WHY he never said anything, but then cut themselves off when they realize he will just say “You never asked.” In essence though, he always could get them out if necessary.
Later they, and/or the Gaang realize he was keeping it in reserve in case Aang never showed up in time, or failed in their own attempt to get everyone out (as Bumi knew Aang would attempt, which would be a good learning experience either way). Or if the rebels failed in their own efforts. It was a test, and trusted agents of Bumi were always poised to reveal the means. Refugees go to Ba Sing Se because Bumi wants to let people know (particularly Aang and the White Lotus), but also to consolidate the Earth Kingdom’s military might because he has a bad feeling that if they fail to win this one, even with the Avatar’s aid, they are sunk.
Bumi dies fighting the Goa’uld alongside Toph, but his last words amount to “protect my people,” and in a rage Toph unleashes all her power to trash most of Anubis’ main forces before Aang and reinforcements arrive. Particularly the spaceships, including launching herself right at a Ha’tak. She also has Bumi (before he dies) buy her time to make far more Naquadah grenades…
Because of this demonstration of power, and that others heard King Bumi put her faith in her, Toph is basically elevated to royalty. Earth King Kuei is leading that, especially when he realizes a) he has no clue what has happened really, but Toph does, and b) that if he leaves Toph in charge, he can basically enjoy himself. Plus her connection to the Avatar of course.
And yeah, to change my earlier suggestion, it would be the adults declaring Toph in charge, since she herself would not come up with it readily. Take complete charge of the armies during the heat of the battle, sure. Afterwards, not unless the generals and other adults were criminally incompetent, because she has other things she wants to do with her life.
-Northern Water Tribe decides to stay neutral again (note their lack of actual help during the attempt to attack during the Eclipse), since they have little attachment to all the other nations or Southern Tribe, to Aang’s frustration. Especially since the only argument he can initially think of is “I am the Avatar, and I say go fight.”
Pakku of course is still with the Southern Water Tribe, both supporting Hakoda, and training and rehabilitating the former Water Bender POWs, all of which is deemed more beneficial to get proper aid to the Gaang.
-SGC furious that Toph, a teenager, is forced to shoulder the burdens of government as the Earth Queen, even if she IS the only person for the job. Even angrier when they realize WHY Kuei was so enthusiastic to give her the job, and that the kids were already resigned to the fact.
-the faction opposing Aang, Zuko, and the SGC on Asunyti calls itself the ‘Grand Alliance,’ made up of Earth Kingdom forces, Water Tribes, mercenaries (Anubis providing the gold), and Jaffa present as ‘liberators’ (or at least that is what guys like Fong call them, keeping the civilians away. Not to mention the language barrier, forcing them to rely upon exchanging written texts). And of course Goa’uld agents (the guys doing the writing). Seizing the PR advantage.
-in a twist from what people expect, the Dai Li approach Earth King Toph for pardons and a job. While they really want their old jobs, status, and power back, they also recognize that the Goa’uld are too alien for them to be able to manipulate. Moreover, they learnt their lesson from serving Azula, and want to try working for someone who a) does genuinely want the Earth Kingdom to prosper, b) can pull it off, and c) is desperate for help.
Knowing that Toph is a living lie detector, they point out it will be impossible for them to deceive her, and in turn she needs all the master Earthbenders she can get. Not to mention elite warriors with their expertise.
While angry and conflicted, Toph sends them away to think and then eventually agrees, although she changes things. The Dai Lee become her intelligence branch (a concept learnt from the SGC when asking about the NID and thus other divisions within USA agencies), NOT her police force. The Dai Li can only arrest Earth Kingdom citizens in emergencies. Full transparency with the monarch is mandatory, with harsh warnings of what will happen if they break their side of the bargain. For NON-domestic forces however, they are able to spy upon and fight enemies of the nation. Dai Li not thrilled at the loss of power, but see this as an opportunity to rebuild their status, and frankly the best opportunity they will get, and wage Guerrilla Warfare upon the Grand Alliance
-Anubis does not send his Kull Warriors against the SGC or Asunyti, because the latter has too many unknown factors, and because he is concerned about what Djehuty, who he is now aware is the NON-senile head of Goa’uld R&D, might unveil or learn. Better to send the Kull to kill of System Lords, known and predictable threats, to gain their forces to overwhelm (or at least weaken) his more innovative enemies with overwhelming conventional force until he is fully prepared.
-Djehuty reveals that while he has been flying around in what appears to be a standard Ha’tak (at least in terms of weaponry and shields because that is what the System Lords and possibly Asgardians would scan for), on his homeworld he has several hidden and advanced Ha’tak his people have spent decades and decades building as a contingency. Has not had the numbers to fully man them all anyways. Improvements include security access codes so not just anyone can start flying it :-P
-Anubis maintains several Ha’Tak above the Avatar homeworld, along with an active screen of Death Gliders to prevent enemy infiltration, and shuts down the ring transporters. Their sole task is if Aang engages any of the Grand Alliance forces, AND enters the Avatar State, then as soon as it is reported they are to launch and orbital bombardment to kill him. Given the risk the Avatar State poses to anyone around, Anubis knows that none of the people he needs alive for information will be too close, and given that this is indeed a serious threat to the entire Avatar Cycle, Aang cannot go Avatar for now. And of course the Grand Alliance makes this very public so as to keep it that way. Thus Aang is forced to rely upon his Mastery of 2 elements, and moderate skills with the others; still a major threat, but not a guaranteed war winner or guaranteed to determine the tide of a major battle.
All of this is to not end the story too early, while also asserting that Anubis is indeed Genre Savvy
-Anubis is very tempted to start annihilating civilian populations, in the hundreds and thousands, who he knows have no useful information for him, unless Aang does not surrender himself. Only reason he holds back is because he is willing to play the long game and wait for his Goa’uld infiltrators to get close enough to take control of him, or that they might scare off any sages or scholars willing to give them what they want, thinking the Grand Alliance is benign. Can always do the mass executions to stamp out any and all defiance at a later date.
-with the start of war with the Grand Alliance, and the learning of the risk of the Goa’uld, Zuko takes pre-emptive measures to ensure Azula can never become a host, or just plain ally with his enemies. He personally visits her in prison along with Katara, along with a micro-bomb provided by the SGC or Djehuty, and drugs her unconscious. The bomb is surgically implanted where her appendix would be (removed) and healed so there is no mark. If a Goa’uld or Tok’ra is detected in her, or if she goes beyond a certain range from the asylum, she dies. Azula realizes from the time she was unconscious that Zuko did SOMETHING to remove the danger she poses, so plays nice and (just off of rumors sh