|Reviews for The Dragon King's Temple|
| Owls chapter 12 . 2/13/2020
Will you be doing a sequel? Can't wait until SG1 finds out Zuko is Fire Lord.
| DragonLark chapter 12 . 1/20/2020
Beautiful story mate!
Have a Wonderful Wonderful day!
| Sauwk chapter 12 . 10/4/2019
Wow! What a ride! I really hope to read any sequel you come up with
| Sauwk chapter 2 . 10/1/2019
I love it!
| Mogor chapter 12 . 9/15/2019
Please please please. Make a Sequel of this great story please.
| glitterboy2098 chapter 10 . 9/2/2019
Nirrti was an Indic Goauld. Vedic/Hindu at least. but it is possible that in this AU she just adopted an existing persona from an even older belief.
and i agree that 'proto-latin' was probably a bad choice on the show writers case for Ancient/Alterran. sadly most of the language that would be even older they'd either already assigned to the Goa'uld, or not enough examples of survived to even guess how they were pronounced, much less have any wordbank to work with. though you could argue that the language was supposed to be some form of early Indo-european (which latin and the other italic branch languages originated from), which is more or less what i think Dr. jackson was supposed to imply in the episode. just badly handled.
| glitterboy2098 chapter 4 . 9/2/2019
"come to think of it, i don;t think we've met and greek snakes yet"
same on you Col. O'neill. You played host to Chronos (greek god of time) during the Adgard-goauld protected planets treaty negotiation. and how can you forgot about Pelops, Grandson of Zeus, inventor of chariot racing, and the guy who stuck nanites onto the planet Argos where the inhabitants went through a full lifetime in 100 days. complete with him having left an instruction manual in Linear-B (an undeciphered minoan/greek writing system, which in the episode Teal'c confirmed was one of the goa'uld writing systems. and presumably, much like egyptian was derived from a Goauld language, greek and its related tongues probably were as well.)
SG-1 hasn't met many of them in the show proper during those first few seasons sure, but they had met a few. (a few more popped up in the RPG, novels, and comics, but i'm not sure when some of those occured in terms of season timeline, and the state of canonicity of them)
| I Before A Except After K chapter 10 . 9/2/2019
With this last reveal that the Avatar cast are Ancients, you've pushed them into full-blown Mary Sue territory. What a waste of hundreds of thousands of words.
| I Before A Except After K chapter 7 . 8/31/2019
I've been getting this sinking feeling about your story for a while now, and this chapter pretty much cements my fears. Whether intentional or not, you've been playing favorites with the two crossover series, and that has reflected in how you portray them. For example, every single conflict in the story thus far has been resolved either partially or entirely by Toph and Zuko. On the other hand everyone in the SGC seems utterly incapable of dealing with anything on their own. You've made them downright incompetent at times.
You've cited realism a few times in your author's notes several times that the reason you've downplayed certain Stargate characters' skills and abilities, most notably Daniel when it comes to learning Toph and Zuko's language. I could probably stomach this well enough, but it seems to be yet another way to nerf the SGC, when they've already accomplished so little in this story.
Furthermore, the whole "human but not really" thing just comes off as yet another excuse to make the Avatar cast better than the Stargate cast for no real reason. The whole "stronger immune system" thing in particular should make you feel ashamed.
This section was where I was going to point out that the Goa'uld didn't invent ring transporters, but then I saw your author's note stating that the Goa'uld have a different history in this story. So instead I'll just say that the more I see of your OC Goa'uld and his crew, the more I dislike them. They exist largely to have the moral high ground over everyone else in your version of the Stargate verse. Worse, you've introduced or emphasized negative character traits in the Tau'ri and Tok'ra in order to make your OC look better. Different history or no, when you start rewriting established, likeable characters and factions just to make your own new faction (who could only possibly exist in the setting because of your rewritten backstory) look better, there's a problem. The mark of a good fanfic is having as few divergences from canon as possible, and then showing us the butterfly effect that results. If you're going to write a fic where the Goa'uld have a different history, make that its own thing. Don't shoehorn it into a completely unrelated crossover like this. This fic would've worked just as well without all this Djehuty nonsense.
Also, Daniel is almost never referred to as Danny. There's only one instance I can think of off the top of my head in the entire series where that happens, and it comes from Jack. It's effectively a statistical anomaly.
| I Before A Except After K chapter 6 . 8/30/2019
"The Goa'uld as seen in the Stargate series are not a viable culture. There's no way, as they are, that they could have reached the heights they clearly did."
True. Even then, most of what they have was scavenged from what's been left behind by the Ancients anyway.
"Which begs two questions. First, what caused their civilization, and maybe their entire species, to fall apart like this?"
It's the sarcophagus. This is spelled out very clearly in the episode "Need". It's where they get their megalomania and sociopathy from, and repeated sarcophagus use if repeatedly likened to losing your soul. It's not a stretch to think that this also caused their cultural/technological stagnation/regression.
"Second… what were they like before?"
Still probably not very nice (they ARE parasites by nature after all), but probably more taking hosts out of desperation rather than malice.
| I Before A Except After K chapter 4 . 8/30/2019
The lengths you're going to establish and justify the language barrier while keeping in line with the verse's general standard of aliens speaking English feels like more trouble than it's worth. Nobody would've questioned why they could or couldn't speak English, because Stargate is inconsistent about it too. You're introducing the language equivalent of Midichlorians. Also, if the "translation" worked as per your explanation, Daniel wouldn't have had to spend an episode learning Unas.
If Toph and Zuko had Naquadah in their blood, especially in that amount, Carter should've sensed it. Though not touched on much in later seasons, Carter has been able to sense Naquadah ever since becoming a host to Jolinar.
| I Before A Except After K chapter 2 . 8/29/2019
It's beginning to annoy me how utterly useless you've had Sam be in battle. Frasier I can understand somewhat since she never sees combat, but Sam is a seasoned veteran of the battlefield. Yet so far in this story, I forget she and Frasier have staff weapons half the time, seeing as you write them as if they're unarmed.
Also, that struggle in the gateroom shouldn't have happened. The SGC always sends a squad of airmen to cover the gate for any unscheduled offworld activation. That Jaffa would've been dead the moment one of them got a clear shot on her. But, even if we say that they weren't there for some reason, Carter still could've easily iced the Jaffa herself.
Lastly, staff weapons don't explode when broken in half. All that happens is you end up with two halves of a broken staff weapon. This goes all the way back to the movie, iirc.
| I Before A Except After K chapter 1 . 8/29/2019
The fact that you only know of Stargate through osmosis comes through in your writing. While the general gist is fine, certain writing decisions are rather unorthodox for what the series has established, and some of the minor details are a bit off.
For example, the series has implied that Ha'taks do not have a traditional exit. We have never seen anyone board or disembark one on foot, only through ring transporters or flying into the glider bay. And while this is not clinching proof of anything, the fact that landed Ha'taks still are only seen to use ring transporters is telling. Speaking of, most Ha'taks don't have Stargates aboard either. Klorel's ship in the first season finale is the only time in the entire series where a Ha'tak has had a gate aboard for the purposes of gate travel. All other cases have been in order to transport the gate itself, if they even have one at all.
Also, the way you've written the Jaffa seems a bit strange as well. I'm not sure if you're doing it for plot reasons or not, but Jaffa always call Stargates "chappa'ai" or just "Stargates". Also, outside of the First Prime, there really isn't much of a formal ranking system as far as I recall. And even if there is, the ranks would be in Goa'uld anyway. And what exactly is "the Wise One" supposed to be anyway? It can't be the Goa'uld they serve, or else they'd calling them "Lord" or "Master" or some other ominous term.
Lastly, why on Earth (or any planet, really) would Carter or anyone else from the SGC take a staff weapon over a zat? Staff weapons are terrible and impractical weapons, while zats make for excellent sidearms.
If I'm being honest, these really are little more than nitpicks. The problem is that all these little inconsistencies add up and break immersion. And with my immersion broken, I start to question every little logical inconsistency, like why an exhausted Zuko decided to carry Toph instead of letting someone in relatively fresh condition like Carter do it.
| neogoki chapter 12 . 8/29/2019
what a story, love the take on the Goa'uld origins and history
Urdu just became my favorite Gou'uld OC of all time.
is there any sort of outtakes? maybe an epilog or spin-off of SG1 in the Avatar-world?
| kabs9000 chapter 3 . 8/11/2019
You've got some interesting ideas and decently written characters, but a big problem with waffle. There are lots of paragraphs which contribute nothing to the story or characters or anything in particular. These are a chore to read through and break any tension or story momentum. An example of this is the constant paragraphs about coffee. We get it. They like coffee. Or when a character has an internal monologue about random things that don't matter and none of the information affects the story.
Words that don't contribute to the story and/or characters shouldn't be there. (Well written humour contributes to both story and characters)