|Reviews for A New Purpose|
| Hexiva chapter 7 . 1/14
I know that since this story has been hanging for a year, it's probably never going to be finished. But I so wish it would be. I loved The Meaning of Loyalty, and I'd love to see you tackling Skull/Cap head-on.
| J.D. Finck chapter 7 . 2/25/2013
First, the stuff with Sharon was excellent. You portrayed her grief with heart and feeling. I loved it. And your comments about sadness vs grief were simply outstanding. I lost someone a few years ago. Grief is indeed patient and persistent, and it lingers. I can't help wondering if you have ever experienced a great loss. In any case, you wrote beautifully about it.
Second, the insights you gave as to Tony and Steve's relationship, and to Tony's personality were fantastic.
Third, the stuff with Sharon, deep in thought as she stood over the Skull's body, it was all very well written...but just totally wrong for the Skull. Be Good? This is the RED SKULL, a Nazi! Could you imagine someone standing over the unconscious body of Adolph Hitler saying such things? Of course not. Skull isn't 'misunderstood', nor is he a tragic victim- no accident deranged him; no chemical bath, no laboratory accident, no mutation... he CHOSE to be evil, he IS evil. How many deaths is he responsible for? How many Jews did he slaughter? Gypsies? Homosexuals? The Nazi slaughtered ANYONE who got in their way, and they saw themselves as superior to the entire world. How can the Skull just suddenly 'be good'?
Sorry to harp on this, because your story is fundamentally good. With another character (Doc Ock, the Green Goblin, the Riddler, the Mole Man, etc) what you have here could be fantastic...but I simply can't accept it with the Skull.
Lastly, while I can go with it, the simple fact is that Fury would not have turned the Skull over to Stark. Not in a million years- and once the Government found out (and they would), Fury would be arrested and the Marines, the CIA, the FBI, and the Navy Seals would storm Stark Towers and take the Skull into custody. But I'll go with you on this one.
Very, VERY good stuff, writing wise. You have real talent. I will get to your other stories in the coming weeks. I hope you have found my critiques helpful; I would not have gone into such detail unless I though your writing was worth the effort. It is.
I invite you to read and critique my OWN story, titled "Captain America, the Last Campaign" - under my author name JD Finck. Thanks in advance, and keep writing!
| J.D. Finck chapter 6 . 2/24/2013
This chapter is a little talkie. You need to cut a lot of the clutter cut away. No writer worth a damn (except maybe a few genius weirdos) doesn't have to go back and do some editing. Steven King says that REAL writing comes in the editing. An example of some editing you need to consider:
(your 1st draft): "It's about the Red Skull," Stark replied, apparently wasting no time in getting to the heart of the matter. "I need to know what you are planing on doing with him."
(good edit): "The Skull," Stark replied, wasting no time in getting to the heart of the mater. "I need to know what you're planning to do with him."
That simple edit shaved 5 words off, and I think it made the exchange tighter. Every time a writer makes a second draft, he or she should look to cut back about 10% of the text. Cutting almost ALWAYS make the story better. Leaner faster pace, a good thing for an adventure story.
| J.D. Finck chapter 5 . 2/24/2013
Well, you know my feelings when it comes to slash, so I won't repeat them. Everything is extremely well written in this chapter. It was moving, tender, sad, and suspenseful. The problem was that is simply wasn't Captain America or the Red Skull. If you wrote this with characters of your own creation, I would have loved the story- and I like it pretty well as it is.
Look, I understand the appeal of slash. I have some friends who write slash (some gay, a couple who are gay), and they they get pleasure out of seeing characters who share such an important link to their own lives. I get it.
And I also get that sometimes it is necessary to stretch a character, explore new facets of their personalities. However...somethings are just too much, and making the Red Skull all soft and weepie is just flat out WRONG. I can buy humanizing him A LITTLE BIT; I can even buy the Skull having a kind of homoerotic attachment to Steve Rogers...but I can not buy him getting soft and cuddly. Some characters are irredeemable. Joker, for instance. The Red Skull, for another.
I will keep reading, because you are good, and I want to see how it ends.
| J.D. Finck chapter 4 . 2/24/2013
Wow. I have to tell you, your idea of A.I.M. creating eight 'control cubes' to master the main Cosmic Cube was BRILLIANT. I mean, that is a perfect concept- the kind of thing Marvel would/is probably kicking themselves over for not thinking off. And really, it is the only logical way to approach the cube. Bravo.
Another great idea was the bit with Machinesmith. Nicely done.
Not so great time:
You have both Skull and (even worse) Thor say things "in horror." That is simply a bad word to use- characters like these are rarely ever horrified; it just strikes the wrong image.
Now for the big one: the upcoming 'slash'. I don't care for slash stories; it just isn't my cup of tea. I have absolutely NO prejudice against gay characters or story lines...I am just not a fan of taking classic characters and changing them so radically. I have read some slash that is quite well written, but I can't get past thinking 'wow, this is weird; the Hulk and the Thing are making out'. Slash leaves me cold, but I will still read your story, because I like your writing. A lot. But...
Having Cap and Skull 'get together' is flat out WRONG. Sorry my friend, but Skull is a murdering, sociopathic NAZI! You can't just wash that away and have he and Steve Rogers become lovers. Would anyone be cool with having Steve end up with Adolph Hittler? Of course not. Same with the Skull. I will stay with your story, but if you go there, I will have to object. Loudly.
| J.D. Finck chapter 3 . 2/24/2013
Again, you write very well. Nitpicking time:
Still not crazy with having the Skull running around, ducking to avoid danger, scrambling for safety...I see him as a bold and relentless field general. To put it in World war II terms, I see the Skull as Rommel, and Cap as Patton. Both are military geniuses, and battlefield commanders. This is my opinion, but it it also closer to how the Skull is portrayed in comics/films.
Pacing wise, you take too much time getting Skull out of his chains. Would a seasoned fighter like Bones waste so much time gabbing about where he was? I don't think so- I think he would keep it short and sweet and just bust Skull loose.
Also, you should have taken a few lines and told which of the Avengers was on the scene.
Lastly, I don't buy Sharon Carter hesitating to shoot the Skull. She is an experienced agent, well trained, and she is a stone-cold killer when she needs to be.
Everything is well written, you are very good. I just question some of your choices...but I am hooked, and will continue to read.
| J.D. Finck chapter 2 . 2/24/2013
You turn a nice phrase, I especially liked "Ever the loyal wolfhound." This REALLY sounded like the Skull (sometimes, he doesn't really sound like the Red we know and loath so well. More lines like this would help.)
I didn't like you describing 'Bones as a 'young man'. I understand that he is certainly younger than the Skull, but 'Bones is a huge man, a fierce killer. Calling him a young man doesn't sound right.
Also, I didn't like how you have the Skull portrayed when he was captured. He was too off his game, kind of stammering and flustered. I just don't see him that way; he is cold and calculating, a master planner...and his ego is titanic. I think he would die before he would let an enemy think he was helpless- even if he WAS helpless. Think of Loki in the Avengers movie; even within the SHIELD cell, he was all sinister smiles, verbally taunting his captors. Like Fury said, Loki seemed like "the only one who wants to be on this ship!"
That is how I think the Skull would be; in control. He is like Doctor Doom, Magneto, Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecktor...he is a master mind, not likely to ever let himself be seen as 'helpless'. Your writing was excellent, I just don't think you 'nailed' the Skull in this chapter.
| J.D. Finck chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Nicely done. You have style and flair. Your sentence structure is genuinely good (unfortunately, not every author here can say that), and your scenes are very vivid. I had no trouble following the flow of the story, the dialog was crisp, the characters all had unique voices and personalities. I really like it.
| Jasper Blood chapter 7 . 2/15/2013
I'm very excited to see where you go with this on Red Skull's end, and how he and Sharon will deal emotionally with the loss of cap. I really wanna see how Skull adapts so please keep going!:)
| Winnie chapter 7 . 2/14/2013
Yay! New chapter! :D I feel so sorry for Red Skull D: Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
| Mina2000 chapter 6 . 9/13/2012
THIS. IS. AMAZING. 8D
| Cathy chapter 6 . 8/28/2012
Please Excuse me while I die of awsome overload.
But really, I love this! It's so well written, and I feel so sorry for poor Skull :(
I can't wait for more! :D
| Jasper Blood chapter 6 . 8/24/2012
Excellently written!:) Can't wait to read more...
| TTTTTTTTTTT chapter 5 . 6/18/2012
Awwwww poor red skull. I feel so bad for him and captain america. You did an awesome job writing this and I really enjoyed it. Keep up the awesome work :)
| Jasper Blood chapter 1 . 1/28/2012
Loving the plot, seriously- everything's done in the nature of the character, the lines are perfectly matched and save for a few... I guess repetive wording areas, everything was spotless and sparkling! Bravo! Please continue:)