|Reviews for Jonathon Creek A new start|
| romeosami7 chapter 2 . 3/30
"Barry!" screamed Maddy, running towards him with a hope that he'd envelope her in his warm embrace/'he'd catch her in strong arms'.
[Here, I've added some physical aspects to your sentence.]
"Oh, Maddy! I've missed you so badly" he cried, touching her face as if checking his memories of her.
[when two person are talking, you can replace noun, like Barry with pronoun, he, his, etc.]
He responded almost instantly, "I've missed you too!"
"You have to fill me in on all
the gossip" chirped Maddy, reluctant to let him go.
[said is not necessary, it has substitutes too. Adding expressions and reactions to your characters makes it more readable.]
| romeosami7 chapter 1 . 3/30
Conversations have been termed like narration. If you're looking for formal format, you are hitting the right spot :)
For informal, it could have been like this-
"Thanks"said Maddy as she took them back, stepping towards the plane.
"Oh brilliant! And no problem.
You looking forward to coming
back?" asked Barry, watching her intently.
This way, your words will look more decorative and active.
Prefer 'ing' and present/future instead of 'ed' past.
Exclamation '!' can be used to show loudness.
You have got excellent vocabulary and grammar. I'm looking forward to see your work, miss Han ;)
| islashlove chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
Nice start and great chapter. can't wait to read the rest.
| Hannah-romance chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
This is a script, it doesnt need them, you know who is talking and when.
| Rodent2000XD chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
Where are the speech marks?!
| porkpie chapter 5 . 5/17/2012
please say youare going to add more chapters? I love JC and am gutted that there aren't that many fanfiction stories out there for the show!
| loulouflowerpower chapter 4 . 4/10/2012
| loulouflowerpower chapter 3 . 3/5/2012
love it, poor maddy with losing the baby.
| loulouflowerpower chapter 2 . 1/13/2012
really good keep going
| loulouflowerpower chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
really good you should make the naxt chapter from jonathans point of view :)