|Reviews for The World is Out to Screw Severus Snape|
| sadiefan chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
seriously awesome first chapter one of the best i have read its sad to the point you want to cry for him but in a good way to be connected to the story i am eager to keep reading
| lil joker 1989 chapter 10 . 9/13/2012
Nice chapter :)
| Tocka e chapter 10 . 9/12/2012
While I hope I don't come across a complete bastard (which is a definite possibility considering my affinity for sarcasm and how I have some problems with being mean) I can't really say that I enjoyed reading this.
I don't really know just what it is about it that rubs of the wrong way, but I have at least a few point I'd like to address in order to not just say that I disliked it and be done with it. Because while I have no problems being mean, I am a writer myself.
My first problem is that the whole Jasper-dominant/Edward-submissive comes like lightning on a clear blue sky. It goes from Edward defending Bella to something completely different in a flash, and I really would have liked some build up there. I mean, they have lived together for so many years already, that there should have been some feelings before. And if there really hadn't, I'd have liked to actually see more of them realising it and coming to terms with it. They go from bros (with girlfriends) to complete dom/sub in a minute and it feels... Unnatural.
The second thing that irritates me is how you overuse the word "childe". I like the term as well, but it's seriously all over your text and people don't repeat themselves so extremely often. And even if they did, it should be easy on the eye to read and it is never nice to see the same word used again and again and again.
Another thing is how, after Jasper, Edward and Harry becomes a dom/beta/sub, that's suddenly everything that is going on in their minds. I mean, edward liked bella a lot and jasper loved Alice and then they don't even think of then even a little bit? Not even in the sense of thinking and feeling over the way they should have been reacting and aren't? There should be more guilt and confusion and other feelings in this instead of just possessiveness and lust, because honestly, their lives have been turned upside down.
And then there is e your writing in itself. It is not bad like "oh god in your face can't stand it" at all, in fact, I can't find any/much grammatical errors at all, but I still can't say that I like it. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I dislike, though... I don't like how it is so predictable in how you put it, nor how you word it at times. There should be more text, more and different and varying attributes and I really have a hard time putting this in words that makes sense...
It feels a little like those stories you used to write in french while in high school/secondary school, in how you word it, not particularily bad but still not all that superb either, though without all the grammatical errors...
And plot... Good idea, a little crude at times, but okay none the less. No character development, which sometimes is a good thing, though as this is no pwp and have major changes in the lives of your main characters, not so much in this one. It's a little disturbing how everything just happen to occur at the same time. Bella's party, Jasper/Edward, forest meet Harry, Edward being super sub and Jasper super dom (in an not really realistic way) right away, harry hurt, biting harry (and what's the whole thing with Jasper being all HarryMine right away when he and Edward didn't seem to realise when they first met. You did mention soulmates as a real thing at the beginning and it just seems really strange and unnatural that they've even been in serious relationships with others while living in the same house. And if vampires don't have destined mates, why not getting dom/sub with Alice?), house, everything else. That's a hell of a lot of coincidents.
And the dom/sub relationship doesn't feel realistic, either.
It feels a little juvenile, all in all.
And I didn't enjoy reading it.
And if this do come across as a flame, I didn't really mean to, but it is what it is so you can think whatever you like.
| moonlitcat chapter 10 . 9/12/2012
no it ended! *sobbing*
| moonlitcat chapter 9 . 9/12/2012
you know i think mother earth had some...alternative motives. i mean, she was watching them. she must be some sort of weird...VAMPIRE YAOI FAN! *horror filled screams* mwahahahahahaha!
| SnarryShipper101 chapter 10 . 9/12/2012
Can you take the complete status down? The story is incomplete, and is blatantly so, and while I loved reading it, i'm dissapointed that I didn't get an ending.
| Dark Neko 4000 chapter 10 . 9/11/2012
What will Bella do
Who will severus end up with
| Guest chapter 10 . 9/9/2012
Loved it! Keep it up please!
| TearfullPixie chapter 10 . 9/11/2012
| serenityselena chapter 10 . 9/11/2012
interesting story... nice twists :)
| Piroko Hatake chapter 10 . 9/10/2012
Yes, you added something else, and I like the peek into the dynamics of their relationship, but dammit! You stopped before it got good! :)
| isipare chapter 8 . 9/10/2012
I really don't see how someone can say this story is badly written O_0
There is almost no mistakes, it flows quite nicely (I mean every part is well linked together and well timed) ... so your flames must have been either someone who didn't like the plot (and that's his right but then you just don't read the story) or a homophobic hateful ass who shouldn't even have the right to open his mouth :D
either way, just ignore it and keep writing ;-)
| isipare chapter 7 . 9/10/2012
I wonder what were the results of your question about your readers being male/female. As for me, I'm no man :-)
| Yuki Kang chapter 10 . 9/10/2012
Update soon :)
| xXxOtAkU-444xXx chapter 10 . 9/9/2012
I like it! **