|Reviews for And Tenement Halls|
| Vin chapter 1 . 4/13
That was amazing. Distressing, but amazing. The amount of detail in every scene, it was so vivid and lifelike, it felt as though I was standing right next to the characters at every moment. That is some really skillful writing there, in order to be able to bring to the story that kind of depth and detail, in order to make your readers actually FEEL what the character is going through. The second person narrative accentuates this effect. Speaking of second person narratives, it doesn't feel as though this is your first time ever writing in this style - there's a certain finesse in your writing, a finesse that usually only experienced writers possess.
If I were to nitpick, the only real 'issue' I could find in the whole thing was that the second person narrative makes it so ominous, and I sort of 'braced' for a rough ending from the start, which kind of softened the blow considerably. Also, the swearing in the end felt just a teeny bit excessive. I understand it projects the frustration and agony of the protagonist, but it felt ever so slightly jarring in an otherwise flawless work. But again, I admit I'm not too familiar with second person narratives, so maybe all that's just me. I also understand that it is incredibly difficult to write a second person narrative well, and you have done such an outstanding job!
I'm really looking forward to reading your other works. Hope to see some originals in the future. You are an amazingly talented writer, Naya. Keep up the good work. :)
| csioo1 chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
just one other thing how you didn't win that contest I'll never know and have so little reviews is beyond me. Your writing was perfect perfect perfect.
Ok I'm off to have a cry again.
| csioo1 chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
I have never never never never cried in a FF the way I did in this one. OMG it was gutwrenching agony and I felt every bit of despair edward did. Just thinking about it all again I'm starting to well up. Sad/beautiful/tragic/heartbreaking I could just go on. Thank you for writing this o/s, I feel like it's going to stay with me forever now.
| ElisseJay chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
wow this story is so sad but so so so unbelievably amazing! great job :)
| teambella23 chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
I just read this again and cried my fucking eyes out. I'm still planning on that epic review.
Gosh! So damn good.
| Amewse chapter 1 . 4/12/2012
Such strength in your writing. Beautifully done, thank you
| thepinktabby chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
*flails* OMG, i'm quite literally crying ...in public. *sniffle* yea...people think im weird. HAHA Thanks for the sniffles, it really was a good read. I loved it.
| theCULLENfan chapter 1 . 2/2/2012
I thought this was a fantastic story. Thanks for writing it!
| sourpatches74 chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
This is such a great story! As sad as it is, I was happy to read it again after the contest. I voted for it Naya, & while it didn't win I still feel like it's a total winner...a story I won't forget. Added it to my favorites! :-)
| Transport2Twilight chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
I really enjoyed rereading this story again. Beautifully done!
| itlnbrt chapter 1 . 1/9/2012
Gah! Beautifully written... terribly sad. Loved it as much as I could love pain and death.
You are extremely talented.
Thank you for sharing that.
| DreamOfTheEndless chapter 1 . 1/9/2012
Oh dear... that's beautiful. Heartbreakingly beautiful. These lines, "But that was your girl. Not anymore, though. Never again." made me cry.
Brilliant story. They didn't have to be Bella and Edward. In fact, I don't think you refer to them even once by name.
Loved the lay out, loved the words, loved how to chose the themes.
Thank you so much:)
| giantasspanda chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
i loved this, i really thought it'd win something. i have to check out your other stories, your writing here is amazing. so heartbreaking, having to go on without her.
| JillyLW chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
It's great to read this story under your account. I really liked your entry in the contest and I look forward to reading your other work.
| GothicTemptress chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
Good morning Nayarit! I just returned from the holiday visit with the fam and was so excited to discover that you uploaded your story. Now I can gush all over your beautiful story.
"Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping in,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.
Fools said I, You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach out you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
In the wells of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence."
I know you know these words, probably frontwards and backwards and in your sleep, and yet what struck me is the desperation I feel after re-reading those lyrics in comparison to your story. It fucking rips my heart out, actually, because this song refers to dreams, and yet your story is based in reality, in the actual loss that is definite and irreversible. The cancer grows, alright. Nothing will ever be able to return her or what they had to him. His silence will be rooted in despair over her loss. Ugh. I tear up as I even THINK about it.
You brilliantly go through each repeated promt with such care, with such skill, that I was breathless. You forced ME to experience breaks in breathing and elicited physical responses to your words. Over and over, as the story progresses, you use your skill as a story teller to reiterate just how important your delivery is to your message. And sadly, as much as we all wish him otherwise, he'll be without her on his journey through life. The definition for the word tenement alone gives us a glimpse of his future - it's barely going to meet minimal standards. Run-down. Decrepit. Maybe even too fragile to withstand much more. Despite my desire for otherwise, I don't feel much hope for him. At all. And I'm usually all about hope, so that's saying something about my gut feelings about him in particular.
There is yet another break in breathing, for me, after typing that out. Stunningly tragic and beautifully done.
I thought this story warranted this kind of detailed review. I voted for it. I was silently rooting for it despite my own participation, and I really wanted to know who wrote it. I'm so happy it turned out to be you, someone who I respected after she spoke up in ADF! I've been dying to review this entry since the moment I read it in the contest (I think it's an unfair advantage when a participating author reviews other entries because it can point readers in their own direction, which is why I'm here now...but believe me, out of al the entries I really wanted to tell you how I felt about it).
YOU are a very talented writer who is able to truly make your readers feel your words and especially the loss. His darkness is not softly creeping any longer. It's a battering ram that just removed her from his life. He can't even "dare" to disturb the order of things unless he takes his own life to dare what comes after. Talk about Angst!
I will never forget this story. I feel like a masochist here, but I thank you for the pain. It was worth every tear and disturbing sensation of heart break. Beautifully done, my friend. Truly. I can't wait to talk more about this story with you in Vegas. I really look forward to meeting you. ;)
I hope I remembered to tell you everything I was meaning to. If not, I'll PM you privately here if more thoughts come to me. At least this is a start.