|Reviews for Natalile Masen Chronicles|
| Artemis J. Halk chapter 3 . 2/8/2012
I'm not sure if this is the intended effect that you wanted, but this story reads a lot like a crossover, but I haven't read the series that it's being crossed over with. It's fine to introduce new elements into a store (ie, witches in Twilight) but maybe you could explain what's going on? And not all in one giant rush kind of way. (I don't know if that makes sense or not...)
Introducing original characters is fine, too, but the way that you present them is almost as if we're expected to know who they are. As if they've already been pre-established, only I haven't read the original series before.
The actual plot is kind of original. Most Twilight stories I read have gotten to the point where I can predict what's about to happen chapters before it actually does. I'm left guessing with this, and I like that.
I'm curious to see where you can take this, but maybe going back and adding in some background information (gradually!) should be in order. There's leaving a reader guessing and then there's leaving them confused as to what's going on.
One little thing that I noticed... "Their afraid of exposure" should be "they're". They're is a contraction of "they are". I know that it can be confusing sometimes, but when in doubt, just remember "They're over there with their dog."
Cheers and happy writing,
Artemis J Halk