Reviews for fractures on your coffin
Dusk Dreaming chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
Beautiful and touching. Your story is like a crystal, precisely structured and sparkling brilliantly when held to the light. It's short, but it detonates with the force of a bomb. What a wordsmith you are. Bravo.
rebellsking chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
Oh, man. I must say, you are VERY talented at writing. I don't know anyone that can go from uplifting and sweet and happy one moment to BLOOD AND GORE AND GHOSTS AND DEATH the next. But you do it very, very well.

This was very sick, but I think you did such a good job of personifying her depression. Manic depression, more like. This idea of the ghosts and the coffin and the drugs and everything, it's just so surreal and so addicting at the same time. I want to keep reading more, even though the images are so terribly horrifying. Your writing is going to have me addicted like this. Oh dear.

Well, maybe not quite like this, but whatever it is...

My favorite part really is the coffin bit. I just think that's so well built up, and I love those moments when the title clicks with the story. It's not overly poised and it just, ah, it fits. I like it.

I like it but I'm also a bit freaked out. But that's all right.

Also - bit of an allusion at the end? Is that a reference to Brave New World? I just read that this year, so if it is a reference to that, I applaud you :) If not, you are just a literary genius and make allusions without even realizing it haha! But anyways, whether or not that was on purpose, I love how the both of these things connect in a way. Even though the Wizarding World is now recovering, and the world in Brave New World is really corrupt beneath it all. A bit of juxtaposition really, though both characters suffer in these worlds regardless. And it ends with suicide, and there's an object that represents death in both, like the stereo counting down to her death here, and the clock in Brave New World.

I've said this many times now but you are SUCH a fantastic writer.
Inkfire chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Oh my GOODNESS. Wow… this was so striking. Your writing was insanely beautiful, it had such violent images. You pictured the wars and the scars and the guilt and the stain of the blood and the emptiness and the ghosts and everything, everything, everything that haunted her and ate at her, so powerfully. I love the way you brought the drug use, the way it relieved her at first, and then hell came back and took over her. Incredible work.
Shadowed93 chapter 1 . 2/25/2012
Wow, this was so dark and creepy, I loved it. Beautifully written. Drug abuse is such a powerful topic and the story you wrote was amazing, I liked that you showed her before she started to explain why she got onto drugs in the first place. Also, how she started off with innocent intentions, just sleeping pills to stop her dreams. It seemed realistic, how she was so effected by those deaths and it all just went wrong for her from there. I don't know exactly what it is about this story that I like so much but it was just so good!
ToxicRainfall chapter 1 . 2/22/2012
This was an amazing story. The messages were so powerful, and the descent into madness was both intoxicating and enthralling. The description was beautiful in its own, macabre way, and I loved the use of the countdown.

I like how she is so hung up on the deaths of Colin and Tracey, both such minor characters, and acts like they are really important. That’s good because all life should be important, and it’s necessary to dwell on everyone, not just those that would be considered ‘heroes’. I liked the use of the ghosts and apparitions in this story, as it was a powerful message on death and lingering.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story, and thanks for entering!
TayaCurragh chapter 1 . 2/22/2012
Great story, and very beautifully written :) I've never really read anything about Daphne, and I like how you portray her, as we don't really ever find out much about her from the books.

I really like how it is set out in different sections, and it shows her condition deteriorating. I love your writing style, it sounds very..poetic, the use of all the metaphors is really good :) The use of language through the different sections adds to her declining condition.

Overall, I really like this story and it's really well written :)
KeepCalmAndWriteSomething chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
Hello.

This was ... horrifyingly beautiful. I think that's a good way to describe it. I absolutely love your writing style. Something about your choice of words makes everything seem more tragic. And I loved the first and last line.

Amazing job! Keep it up! :)
ReillyJade chapter 1 . 1/19/2012
Wow...I can't even...wow.

I can't pinpoint exactly what it was about your writing, but there's something very poetic about the language you used. Despite the events taking place being so horrible and depressing, there was an abundance of beauty in your words.

I think the fact that you chose Daphne for this piece was an unusual choice because she's generally not very popular, yet I think it was the right one. Drug addiction is a sensitive, controversial issue, and those dealing with it have a habit of hiding themselves (or at least attempting to) from the rest of the world. In the HP fandom, Daphne is somewhat of a “hidden” character who we almost never hear about, so it seems quite appropriate for somewhat like her to be dealing with this. It's actually quite plausible and may even be canon for all we know. We don't really know the fates of many “dark side” characters after the war, so I applaud you for exploring it a little bit with an extremely minor character.

This flowed quite nicely. The pacing felt very natural; it didn't seem like you intentionally rushed and skipped over details just to hit particular points in Daphne's downward spiral, nor did I get the feeling you were dragging things out to much in order to “sell” them more, if you know what I mean. I think you gave each section an adequate amount of attention and exploration, and this added to my enjoyment of the story.

One last little thing that I liked: you never explicitly stated what type of drug Daphne was taking. All you said was pills, which could obviously be a variety of substances. I think the omission of this detail added to the Daphne's characterization and contributed to the somewhat secretive nature of drug addiction.

This really was a brilliant piece and I can certainly see why you're proud of it. Thank you so very much for sharing it with us in the Showcase! :)
lowi chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
This was fantastic, really. Your language, I just don't know what to say—it's so beautiful and poetic and just absolutely wonderful.

The topic, which is rather difficult, was dealt with perfectly and felt very believable. I could also see Daphne in this situation, the way you wrote her experiences of the aftermath of the battle made it very believable and, simply, /real/.

"But then the bottle is emptied of her happy pills, and she finds the ghosts hiding at the bottom."

I just loved the wording in that sentence;; it was truly gorgeous, and terrifying.

Fantastic work!
Selenehekate chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Wow! This is incredible! The last section/line is great! I really feel for Daphne throughout this piece. It's sad that her life is so hard and filled with turmoil. The title for this piece is amazing too. Great job on this!
Someone aka Me chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Oh. My. Gosh.

I've been trying not to use the word beautiful in reviews because I've been overusing it lately, but that really is the best word for it. Absolutely, positively beautiful. Gorgeous, in fact.

The way you string words together, they all just *fit* like they *belong* together, and that's lovely, even while what the words are describing is supposed to be horrible.

I like to cite favorite lines, but good gosh I'd have to quote the whole thing! I'll try, though.

I really loved, "Behind her eyelids skulk the dead," – That one really stuck with me through the whole thing.

Another favorite was "But then the bottle is emptied of her happy pills, and she finds the ghosts hiding at the bottom." – The ghosts hiding at the bottom is just a really powerful way to put it.

Overall, this is a definite favorite.

(*_*)
MissingMommy chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
The details that you put into this was amazing. I could picture everything and it was haunting.

How you described Daphne's downward spirl was beautifully written. I enjoyed this very much. And using the drugs to make herself feel better about choosing the wrong side was wonderfully described.

Overall, it was beautiful and very well written.
Sinister Spiders chapter 1 . 1/5/2012
This was really well done. I love how descriptive it is. In particular your description of blood being red syrup and like paint on canvas. The use of the countdown was brilliant. It made it slightly more surreal as well. I like how you used the drugs, but did not write about them too much- it was more about their effects than the actual drug itself. I would love to know what role Daphne actually played in the war to get herself into such a mess, but as this story was focused on the addiction the metaphors and imagery were more important than a full back story. Great work with descriptions and techniques. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this very vivid work.

Sinister Spiders
Guest chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
Creepy...It's confusing but in a good way because it adds to the mysteriousness of the story.

My favorite part is the first section, it was darling!

I liked how you expanded on Daphne's personality because she really didn't get much/any screentime in the books.

Good idea for the formatting, it's kind of like counting down...543210...BLAST OFF! And it adds to the suspense that something big is going to happen.

The writing was beautiful and I love the first line. I think it sums up the story very well. Brilliant! Wonderful! Brava! Bravaissima!
autumn midnights chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
Wow, this is definitely an unusual story. I loved the way you write this, it flowed very nicely, and the 543210 format helped that even more. This is definitely an unique way to portray Daphne Greengrass, but I liked it - it's very well-written. Creepy, but in a good way, and you wrote her madness and addiction very well. I like the beginning and end, how the first sentence, "Daphne is a scar in this brave new world" is similar to the last, "Daphne is a ghost in this brave new world." It fits very well. One little thing I noticed is it should be Basilisk's eyes, not Basilik's eyes, but other than that I couldn't find anything wrong about this. Great job.
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