|Reviews for The Legend of the Royal Hart|
| Out of the Orange chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
This is really great! I love how you kept everyone in character and built up a little extra backstory for Pent and Louise. The story of the hart was a nice touch; it made the whole thing come together in a really nice and tidy fashion. :)
| thomasquwack chapter 1 . 5/2/2012
Nice story. Blonde archers always are the best ones *cough cough Leonardo Klein et cetera cough*
That is one nasty cough!
Great story, as usual.
| Raphiael chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
This was really, really good! Even though of course you know from the game that Pent and Louise get together, and from FE6 that neither is killed, you kept a sense of intrigue and anticipation. I wanted to know what happened next.
I don't have much time at the moment to gush and go into detail, for which I apologize, but I really liked this. Actually I'd say it's one of your best fics yet. Great work!
| quintilis chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
Oops, in my gushing I totally forgot about your request regarding concrit.
I agree about the much/many thing TheFreelancerSeal pointed out. Don't think the commas are too big of a deal - artistic license and all that. I'm sure if we sit down and really look, the majority of us overuse commas anyway. They do help phrases sound the way we want them to with pauses and such.
Yes, it would be nice to see a passing sentence about the baby, something short and grim maybe.
As for the relationship development...I think you pinned it perfectly. I actually don't think that Pent and Louise love each other at the point we see them in the game (which I gather is somewhere around your last scene takes place). Their support conversations are extremely formal (even stilted), and Pent goes as far as to say that he's been neglecting his wife. I sense an obvious deep concern and affection in both directions, but not quite love yet. In that regard, how you shaped the growth of their relationship is spot-on. Louise worries for Pent, but she never walked into the marriage expecting love anyway. The selfish bit about him leaving her alone to do as she wished was a great summation of that.
Also loved how you briefly mentioned Louise's crown of violets - in the ending, she is listed as the Queen of Violets.
| quintilis chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
I really like how you wove the canon into this - the whole ceremony where Pent chose his bride, and Louise told him she would protect him. It was a nice touch.
Not often one sees Pent and Louise (or any sort of FE, for that matter) on here, so it was really refreshing to read this. Plus, you write as well as ever. Pent and Louise are two of my favorites from FE7, partly because they are the parents of Klein and Clarine, who I adore (especially in their supports together).
Wonderful work! It's great to see you back from your break, and happy new year!
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 1 . 12/31/2011
Your touch certainly hasn't been lost. This story is as good an any of your others. You chose your words well, and you put this story together just in perfect order. Clearly, even the leave you've taken hasn't diminished your work. I enjoyed this story very much.
There were a few minor errors here and there, but nothing too great. Most of them I'd say were misplaced commas. Take this for example.
"Me, too," he said..." I don't think you need a comma after 'me'.
There were several places where you had commas where they didn't need to be.
The one thing that wasn't a comma was this:
"Beginner's" luck. I think you mean "Beginner's luck." Just a slight misplacement on the quotation mark.
This one, I'm not really sure is an error. I think it might be, but often I'm wrong when it comes to thing like this.
"Later in life, she would forget much of the flowery details of the story..." As I said, I could be wrong, but I think it should be 'many' not 'much.'
All in all, this was really well done. I rather liked Louise taking the wound for Pent. To me, that says a lot about how deeply they care for one another. You've done well. The only thing I am wondering is what became of Louise's baby brother. I mean, I'm assuming he died and he wasn't a large part of the story. Still, it seemed a bit of a loose end to me. Of course, that could just be a personal thing.
Well done once again.
| Sardonic Kender Smile chapter 1 . 12/31/2011
Yaaay, fic from Manna! I was so happy to see this. I don't even know.
You asked for critique so I'm gonna get it out of the way real fast. Here in the very first section-[he thought they was cruel]-"was" should be "were." That's all for typos. As for the story itself...I thought the beginning and end were both very strong, but I wonder if maybe Louise falling in LOVE with Pent (as opposed to just being "YEAH, I landed an awesome husband!") would've strengthened the middle too? That's more a matter of opinion than anything else, though.
NOW FOR GOOD THINGS. They include all the things. I especially loved the hart story. Also the fact that it was her sorrow over the baby that made her want to just SHOOT something (but you didn't say it, you showed it to us. That was awesome). You always say you only write for fun and don't study it or practice it like shnerdy English majors do, but I think that just as Louise has a natural talent for the bow, you have a natural one for writing. Everything you write that I've read has just been incredibly believable, which is an absolute gift in writing. You have lots of little details in here that are just very TELLING. Like the scene where her dad gives her a bow for her birthday? You never actually even say that it's a bow. But obviously we know, because you set it up for us and then described it. I'm getting babbly. Either way, I really liked this! Write moar please.