|Reviews for Gundam SEED Eden|
| Regis JN chapter 4 . 5/21/2014
I hope your still alive. I happen to like this story. Please update soon.
| leafstone chapter 4 . 4/6/2014
| Hunter 0f Darkness chapter 4 . 3/12/2013
Hey, great chapter plz get chapter 68 for DD out. I'd like to offer my assistance with your fic(s) wether grammar which I excel in or gundam names, designs, weapons etc. And maybe give you one or two of my ideas. Of ur interested, then u could test me with a piece to correct the grammar or to design a gundam to ur specifications. Hope u accept
| FudoYuki chapter 4 . 2/13/2013
Omg! I can only imagine how cute Stella and Kira would be! So sad Athrun has to keep quiet about Kira... Please update soon! :D
| HubrisP chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
We still need to talk...
| predator64 chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Okay,so this is my first review on your a note this is my general review over the 3 chapters of the story and my thoughts on the whole of Dark read Dark Destiny previously but I am stuck at around chapter 40 due to the events making too less sense (I mean how many genetic relatives Kira has?),I lost the motivation to continue.I truly prefer Eden over DD by this time.
Okay,I am willing to give this a chance seeing this story is an improve over the Dark Destiny.I hope you give more character development to Kira as Eden seems to explain a lot more.I am glad Eden does not have the same plot progression as I like how you changed Rau over to the Kane,which I presumed taking the role of Krane?No sense in making their names similar if you didn't plan this.
Looking at the other GSD or CE rewrites,I am glad you didn't act like some of the Kira hating writers did,blaming him on every GSD fault and kill him and make him gone complete dark (antagonist),I am not a fan of him in GSD seeing how he had been godmodded,but I do not blame him like other people did,instead I blame the writers.I am glad you make him "grey" instead of complete "dark".
Looking at the descriptions of the Eden by your profile,I can see that...Lacus will take a much bigger role in Eden than she was in DD?If this is the case then I gladly welcome this change instead as a side role and another love I am a big fan of pairing KL over all other pairings in SEED,sorry for my fanboyness of KL over here,but I must express some of my yes I glad you throw out the lemon writing in Eden seeing...no offense I just don't think it's well written,and I am 17 as well.I hope there will be a better KL relationship development,because I think SEED have not explore much of their relationship and a lot of people said how there is no build course I did not expect you to make this a romance fiction,just that...a development that better explore and build up their relationship.I don't mind if you make her a Gundam pilot that emphasize on disabling,or a leader of a faction that opposes or whatsoever.
I must say you made a mistake in terms of is not the leader of the Terminal,to be more accurate she is the leader of Clyne you do enough research Terminal is some sort of independent and neutral organization that offers information in other words,some sort of information telling you to correct the mistakes,but just point it out and avoid the mistake in future references.
And I must say something in response to the other one,I think a better development of Kira and Lacus relationship will make this a better story in terms of a interesting ?I mean in the first chapter the main theme of this story it is obvious it is the struggle between killing and not killing of Kira morality,and another character who share a similarity with him is Lacus,and I think their relationship serve as a medium to better explore this despite some people said how Lacus is manipulating Kira to uphold not killing ideals,how Lacus as an obstacle...I disagree because Kira didn't has the power to not killing until he gets the Freedom in the canon other words Lacus did not manipulated Kira she is just helping him to decide his no for god sake no male romantic relationship,I have nothing against gays but don't bring it into this,I don't care a male friendship and bonding story but romance is no from me.I could elaborate more and more but I afraid you are getting tired of my ranting...so I left it until the time we can discuss it appropriately.
This fic has some similarity to a very good fic I had read by an author which is also focus a lot into Kira and the Newtype powers (his Newtypes power are very very different from Universal Century and what most of the authors wrote),it's called Golden Age Trilogy by a search on author and you should find his stories,the GAT contain three installment with the third one continuing currently,each contain 1 millions words,but has very good characterization and very good plot over GSD while focus on I feel is the the most deserving fanfiction over all the other fanfictions I had read to be a direct continuation to Gundam SEED.I am not sure you read his stories before but he did has your story,DD under his favorites.I recommend you read this for a guideline for a better third installment,Reclamation War is about Kira going dark so you should refer to that for a better development,but you need read the previous two installment to get what is happening...so 2 millions words plus...good luck.
I am not much of a nitpicking for the grammars and spelling seeing I am not a native English speaker and my vocabulary is very one thing in your story is very annoying I noticed you tend to use "also" a lot...I can bear with it but when you used it again and again it truly become annoying for the usage of most of the also in your story I noticed you can just delete the "also" and make it empty.
Sorry for all the rantings and complaining and whatsoever,I haven't read your stories long enough to get a grasp how to improve your story,these is all my thoughts on your stories.I hope that you didn't mind my long review as I am a person who likes to give detailed I have any more thoughts on Eden I will review again.I will be waiting excitingly for your reply on my for your time.
| HubrisP chapter 3 . 11/12/2012
Excellent work, but we need to talk, are you available on messenger?
| yullian chapter 2 . 9/29/2012
Thanks for the update I really enjoy reading this story. I hope that in this one lacus would be different from the original dark destiny. Lacus was kind of annoying in the other version and she is holding kira back from reaching his full potential. I really hope that kira and krane would have a better relationship in this one and show more flashback about there past and why krane hates the humans. And I want to know if you do male pairing becsuse I want kira to have a relationship with a male. So it can be like kira has more then one lover. It would make the story seems more interesting.
| miyu chapter 2 . 9/29/2012
nice chapter and kane was interesting
| HubrisP chapter 2 . 9/29/2012
Excellent work, I wanted to go over some edits with you, so to speak. I have a few selective changes that I find ingenious, it won't affect the story in any way at this point.
Keep up the excellent work!
| Soma Taozi chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
Hmm, this story seems very interesting...but there are big problems with this chapter. The first and foremost is the tenses you are using.
In a story like this, you should be using past tense ALL the time, for example "In retaliation Kira fired his beam rifle taking out the left arm of the Providence, removing it's close combat ability and two beam cannons."
Now that makes sense. BUT a few sentences later you use present tense, "Athrun believed that he lost Cagalli through the passageway into GENESIS's Reactor. He stops before the nuclear power source."
It should read: "Athrun, believing that he lost Cagalli through the passageway into GENESIS's Reactor, stopped before the nuclear power source."
This isn't a movie script, this is a written story designed to be read... and for the reader to imagine what is happening.
Really I could go on and on, but this is just a small SAMPLE of a problem that persists throughout the entire chapter. It is honestly really distracting and I know that you first wrote this prologue to Dark Destiny when you were younger...because I tried reading the original before and found the switching tenses REALLY annoying. So I honestly thought that with you re-posting this story, you would correct these glaring mistakes, as well as expand on some character conversations that just feel awkward (have you read Lacus's and Kira's conversation..and just about every other one in this first chapter?)
Finally, I think you need to remove the incredibly sexist line that Lacus says...it is rather appalling and offensive to girls like me, "'Heh, I never knew you were so energetic during shopping' Kira smirked.
'Well, I am a woman' Lacus replied (And it should be added, 'as if') stating the obvious."
Is this a joke? Wtf? I like shopping like any girl, but just how Lacus says it...wow...what is she? A 50's house wife?
I have heard that Dark Destiny gets really good because you matured as a writer while writing it...BUT what is the point of this story is you don't correct these GLARING, sexist, awkward, and distracting mistakes?
I know I would do it if I was writing this story! So really? What is the point of Eden if you don't change these things so you can get some new readers? I am confused and sorry if I am a little heated, but I am kind of offended by this story. Especially by how useless every female character is.
Honestly, in my opinion, you need a beta reader and to actually READ your old chapters before you post them. That is the only explanation I can think of for a "better" re-post of a story to have such a shabby opening.
| HubrisP chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
Excellent work, I believe we should get down to planning, should we start from Scratch with the OCs (specifically mine, I have to restructure them, I believe we lost the plot with my OCs and gods did their differences streatch your fic in so many directions), Mobile Suites, warships, etc. Keep up the excellent work and get back to me ASAP!
| Connor Prafist chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
This is beyond perfect! I always had the desire to read Dark Destiny, but due to the fact that I was distracted with other stories, to the fact that the prologue...had some spelling issues (hey you wrote it years ago...I get it :) ), I wasn't able to get into your story too much.
However with you re-posting it, consider me a fan and a eager reader.
Best of luck on this project! However, I am surprised, I didn't realize you finished Dark Destiny yet? I knew you were close, but I didn't realize you were done.