|Reviews for Having it all|
| Farla chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[the bosses Pursian ]
Boss's, and persian.
["I can't believe you got us lost" Jessie complained to her partner "Only you would get us lost!" ]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned or "Hello." he grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it." And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You have a lot of errors in this. Get a beta reader.
| carly chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
i loved that it was so sweet make more like it
| FrissFrost04 chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
I loved it to pieces. :3 They were so in character and my favorite part was where they made out in front of the campfire! :D